2010 Final Thoughts

It's New Years Eve and I am home alone. I guess I'm not alone if you count the dogs. The girls are at parties and Nancie is stuck working at the hospital. So it's just me this time.

How was your year?

We all have an opinion about the year 2010. My opinion may mean nothing to you but I have reflected a lot about the past year and, although there have been some storms and rocky roads, 2010 goes into the record books as a positive game changer for me. Hopefully because I have changed in 2010 for the better.

I just finished my Year of Status Updates on Facebook. It reads more like a list of quotes than anything else. I guess I should have saved the blogging for this site instead of thinking outloud on a Facebook Status. Oh well, here were some of my favorite Facebook Status Updates.

It is going to be a different summer this year. After 24 years of marching band, I won't be doing any shows this year. 17 years of a really great adventure! Can' wait to see what the rest of eternity will be like! I just cannot thank God enough for my traveling companion!!! To Karl: Thanks for pushing my thinking and setting a standard for me to reach for. Glad I can call you Dad! Bye Grandma You will always be remembered and loved. Family funerals are emotional wake up calls. Wag more, bark less! Tucking the girls in bed after getting them spiritually ready for school. Very thankful for the little things and the little ones. Friendliness is a form of generosity. Choose to be friendly! We want what we want until what we want is what we have. You get out of life what you put into it. Knowledge isn't power it's empowering and it is only empowering when it is used. " If you treat [an individual] as he is he will stay as he is, but if you treat him as if he were what he. . . could be [and might be], he will [become what he ought to be]" Goethe. "Dreams come a size too big so you can grow into them." Josie Bissett. Next time you suppose your life has taken a wrong turn ask yourself this question: How do I know it is a bad thing? And when it appears that things are turning out for the better ask yourself: How do I know that it is a good thing? Lasting relationships succeed because they continue to grow. No one can do the job that you were meant to do. More often than not, a mighty change of heart is subtle not sudden. A person becomes like the company which he chooses to keep. The real power of agency is that we make life happen instead of letting life happen. We act on something instead of being acted upon. We become proactive instead of reactive. Life becomes chess instead of checkers. Faith is the fuel that keeps me moving forward. Covenants are powerful motivators. Happy Birthday to my beautiful little Makall. Love you sweetie!! To a most beautiful and very talented 15 year old: Happy Birthday McKenna!!! As I get gifts ready for my children, I realize that my children are the real gifts! True gifts first begin in the heart. Sometimes it takes a death to bring us back to life. To me, the true gift of Christmas is a gift that cannot be held, it can only be felt. To my family and friends this Christmas Eve: Have a Merry Christmas!! Of all the great discoveries in the world, perhaps the greatest are just the little ones we discover for ourselves about how to live, how to love, how to act and how to treat others. We may not discover a new invention or a new medicine, but we may just find the missing pieces that can fix our own lives.

If you read this on Facebook, sorry for the repeat.

Goodnight and goodbye 2010. In fact, goodnight and goodbye to an entire decade. 10 years in the making: full of moments and memories that will last an eternity.

At the end of the day, at the end of it all, when all is said and done, this year, this decade, and my entire life, so far, have been so full of so many wonderful gifts and blessings. I have no room to complain.

Happy New Year!! Happy New Decade!!

365 Days until Christmas

The house is almost quiet. The day has been a full one. The girls are getting to bed and I'm writing a few final words about the day.

It was a wonderful Christmas day. Full of the true spirit of Christmas.

This Christmas day was so wonderful to me that it will probably go down in my history books as one worth remembering. Perhaps this day will be memorable for me because, unlike so many in the past, I was not overwhelmed by places to go, people to see, meals to prepare, and the gathering of gifts.

We had a Bob Cratchit kind of Christmas this year. You remember Bob, the Dickens character in the Dickens Classic, A Christmas Carol, who was the poor clerk of Ebenezer Scrooge. It wasn't that we were poor, overworked or underpaid, but that because of scarcity of funds, our Christmas was a simple one. We spent less this year on Christmas.

Our Children knew going into the season that this would be a lean Christmas.

My wife and I decided not to give each other gifts. With Santa's help, we did all that we could to find gifts for our girls. But the piles were small, and I worried that there would be repercussions.

Yet with less focus on material things we had more time for family things. On Christmas Eve my girls exchanged the one or two gifts they had purchased from the dollar store. They showed a wonderful kind of gratitude and love for each gift and each other. Once the presents were opened we watched videos of our girls, when they were younger, singing and dancing at Christmas time. And then my three beautiful girls climbed into bed.

When Christmas morning came, suprisingly, we slept in. Eventually, the girls woke us up with smiles on their faces. And, here is a first, I didn't ruin the mood. I didn't raise my voice once as the girls opened the few gifts each had received. I was astonished at how sweet and happy they were with the few items they received.

We then visited both sides of our family and had wonderful and delicious meals. It was wonderful spending time with family. And, the generosity of our parents, through the gifts they gave, was also greatly appreciated.

I felt the wonderful whisperings of the spirit throughout the day. Celebrating the birth of the Son of God, the Messiah, the King of kings was as it should be and as I hoped it would be. This day was full of peace, joy, and love. We did as Elder Uchtdorf recommended, we "took a step back, slowed down a little, and reconsidered what matters most."

Today I renewed my determination to take upon the Savior's name, reassess my life, my thoughts, feelings, and actions. It was a day of renewal and recommitment to live by the word of God and to obey His commandments.

Today I saw Christmas through new eyes. Today I saw Christmas through the eyes of a child. I saw the good in the simple, and relished in it.

Maybe I didn't see the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Christmas yet to come. Maybe my heart didn't grow three sizes to large, but I saw Christmas with a new heart. My eyes were opened to the miracles and the blessings in my life. Oh how much I love my wife and my girls!!

And what about tomorrow? What will tomorrow bring? Will it be just another day after Christmas?

Fortuately tomorrow is Sunday and I will be able to attend church and remember the Savior again.

And if I try hard enough, I can keep the momentum up on Monday too!

And, just think, there are only 365 more days until Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Your Own Lighting Display

Going to see the lights on Temple Square was one of my favorite high school dating activities. I have gone back, since that time, on a number of occasions, to see the lights with my wife and kids. This year my oldest daughter went with the youth from our ward to Temple Square to see the lights. She returned and informed me that new and brighter LCD lights were used, this year, to decorate the trees on the temple grounds.

I also like driving around looking for great light displays. Driving around the neighborhood, looking at holiday lights has become a wonderful activity, especially with the advent of elaborate computerized Christmas lights set to music. I love to listen and watch these great choreographed masterpieces.

Now compare these various outdoor Christmas light displays with something a little different. Compare these lights with your own thoughts and ideas. Each of you have your own mental light display. You have collected these lights over the entire period of your life. Like the choreographed flashing lights you see on display, your thinking is an interactive process, you construct your thinking with new concepts you learn and concepts you already know. You give meaning to new information you receive from the old information and experiences you already have in your repertoire.

Your lights are unique to you. Although you may learn the same information as others, you use the content and the process of the communication in a different way. You interpret reality based on your own lighting display. You explore, analyze, communicate, create, ponder and reflect, based on past experiences, personal beliefs, and impressions from prior learning.

Truth, however, is not subjective, no matter what lights you use in your display. Truth is like the electricity (or lack thereof) in your holiday light display. Light and truth are as real as the power of electricity. And that light and truth doesn’t obtain it’s meaning from the interpretations of man. Light and truth come from a source that is empirical: light and truth come from God.

Truth doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Truth is discovered and meaning is discovered from both the new information we receive and the previous information and experiences we have based on our unique perceptions, thoughts and feelings. More information doesn’t necessarily meaning more truth. The scriptures declare that there will be those who are “Ever learning but never coming to a knowledge of the truth.”

Like the strands and strands of Christmas lights, we link new knowledge to existing information. We add to our intelligence “line upon line, preceipt upon preceipt, here a little there a little”

We use sensory input in our thinking and learning. We plant and absorb information, ultimately giving meaning to it, but we have to first plant it.

Our thinking is layered. It occurs in our mind but can include our physical bodies and our feelings. Thinking, however, primarily involves language and visual images. They are intermeshed.

Personality influences our perspective and our learning. We have varying degrees of self-confidence. We have varying degrees of desire to think and to learn.

Motivation is an important and necessary component to planting , because motivation helps activate our sensory apparatus. People are motivated by external factors. People are also motivated, from within, by intrinsic motivations.

Thinking also occurs in context. We rarely isolate facts from the relevant situations and environments we discover them in. Thinking takes varying degrees of time to go over information, ponder, use, practice, and experiment with it.
Our collective thoughts, feelings, actions and experiences become our knowledge base. Knowledge is necessary for additional learning. Our knowledge base is the basis of our thought structure and meaning-making. The more we know, the more we can learn.

Our knowledge base becomes our mindset. We create a script and map based on what we know. Our point of view and perspective are based on that map or paradigm. Our paradigm becomes our information playlist, the filter we use to send and receive information and interpret our world around us.

New knowledge can be remembered more successfully when it can be tied to existing knowledge.

Growth and progression require continuous information upgrading. Our current mindset is a world view that acts as a filter to all incoming observations. Upgrading a world view takes willingness and work.

We can learn independently but we can also learn from others and by modeling behavior.

We upgrade by learning what we don’t already know. We learn from doing. Learning is especially powerful when we prepare something for others to see or hear. Visuals such as models, graphics, slides, or other activities which include participation, are very effective in changing our current mindset.

So next time your are looking at the Christmas lights on your Christmas Tree or driving by a wonderful light display, remember that each light represents an idea, and your collection of ideas are at the center of your own intelligence. You are what you think. You are like the strands of lights: the sum total of your thoughts, feelings, actions and experiences.

What Ebenezer Saw

Last year, during the holidays, I took my daughter Makall to see Disney's A Christmas Carol in 3D( the Jim Carrey version). It followed the typical Dicken's story line: Ebenezer Scrooge, rich & selfish miser, is awakened on Christmas Eve by spirits, three of whom take him on a journey of reflection, revealing to him a vision of his past and the opportunities he wasted, his current cruel and selfish state, and the dire fate of his future if he does not change his ways. Scrooge wakes up to his situation as he awakens on Christmas day a changed man.

So this year I went to another Disney 3D movie with two of my daughters, McKenna & Makall, and without giving the story away, I saw a remarkable similarity to the journey of reflection I watched last year in 3D and the one unfolding last weekend in the Disney 3D Movie "Tangled".

My favorite song from the movie says it best:

I SEE THE LIGHT

All those days
Watching from the windows
All those years
Outside looking in
All that time
Never even knowing
Just how blind I've been

Now I'm here
Blinking in the starlight
Now I'm here
Suddenly I see
Standing here
It's oh, so clear
I'm where I'm meant to be

And at last, I see the light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last, I see the light
And it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once
Everything looks different
Now that I see you

Flynn:
All those days
Chasing down a daydream
All those years
Living in a blur

All that time
Never truly seeing
Things the way they were
Now she's here
Shining in the starlight
Now she's here
Suddenly I know
If she's here
It's crystal clear
I'm where I'm meant to go

Flynn/Rapunzel:
And at last, I see the light

Flynn:
And it's like the fog has lifted

Flynn/Rapunzel:
And at last, I see the light

Rapunzel:
And it's like the sky is new

Flynn/Rapunzel:
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once
Everything is different
Now that I see you
Now that I see you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uw6q5189kpc


May you see the Light this Christmas season and always,

Merry Christmas!

Getting Around Your Block

Two problems I face in life are writer’s block and reader’s block. I am sure you have heard of writers block before: the dumbfounded condition associated with writing in which the author loses the ability to come up with something new to write. For me it is usually temporary, but it is annoying if I have some kind of deadline.

My reader’s block is a different matter. I usually blame my attention deficit disorder for the problem, but whatever the cause, I rarely get past the first few pages of any book. It isn’t because I don’t think the books are outstanding, I have supported authors and bookstores, for years, by intentionally purchasing their reading material: I just never get it read.

The truth is my blocks are usually no big deal, but sometimes they are produced because of adverse circumstances in my life: health issues, stress, anxiety, depression, relationship problems, financial pressures, and sometimes even a sense of personal failure. The pressure to accomplish a task usually contributes to a block, especially if I feel compelled or expected to do something. I like to read and write, but in my own way and at my own pace.

We live on blocks, play we with blocks, and (here is an interesting one) some people quilt with blocks, but like a writer’s block or a reader’s block, we all may face certain “blocks” in our life. We may face things that hold us back in our beliefs or in our relationships. These belief blocks or love blocks block our progress and our happiness.

So what are your blocks? What are the things holding you back from having the career that you want, the relationship you long for, or the happiness you desire? It would be so easy to say that we just need to manifest more often, or with more intensity, but the truth of the matter is that the greatest reason why we have blocks is that we don’t realize that we have them.

Half of the problem of our getting to greatness is getting a clue that we have problems we don’t recognize we have.

Sometimes it takes a life to learn that we are wrong about something. Sometimes it takes just as long to admit it and fix it.

Recently I attended a Sunday School class in which the teacher brought in an interesting item for an object lesson: an old tree stump. In the middle of the tree stump was something unique. In the middle of the stump was a large brick. The tree had grown around the brick and it looked as if the brick was a natural part of the tree.

The teacher explained that he was given the stump from a gentlemen who owned a small store in Northern Utah. He said he had wanted the stump for quite some time, because every time he went into the store, it reminded him of an old tree he had growing up. His old tree was one of the largest on the farm. It was very tall and had lots of branches. He then described an ice storm that occurred on an early fall day that drenched all the trees on the farm including this big one. Because the limbs were loaded with leaves and ice, it caused damage to the tree. The tree literally broke in half.

When my teacher was finally able to go out, after the storm, to examine the tree to determine what had happened, he discovered that the reason the tree broke in half, instead of breaking off at the limbs was that at the center of the tree, a large cinderblock had been wedge for quite some time, going undetected for decades. Only when the weight and strain of the storm beat down on the tree, did the tree finally buckle under the weight and break in two.

Then our teacher told us of a talk he had heard years ago by President Spencer W Kimball about hidden wedges. Our teacher explained that the hidden wedges in our lives, that go undetected, eventually destroy the fabric or the core of the marriage and when outside influences weigh down on the individual or the marriage, the marriage cannot survive.

The teacher then explained that addictions, pornography, money issues, infidelity, and other wedges would rot the strength of a marriage until there was no foundation and the marriage would fall apart.

When got home I looked for the talk by President Kimball. I found a talk by President Monson quoting President Kimball who was quoting Samuel T. Whitman. President Monson’s talk was called “Hidden Wedges”:

“In April 1966, at the Church’s annual general conference, Elder Spencer W. Kimball gave a memorable address. He quoted an account written by Samuel T. Whitman entitled “Forgotten Wedges.” Today I, too, have chosen to quote from Samuel T. Whitman, followed by examples from my own life.

Whitman wrote: “The ice storm [that winter] wasn’t generally destructive. True, a few wires came down, and there was a sudden jump in accidents along the highway. … Normally, the big walnut tree could easily have borne the weight that formed on its spreading limbs. It was the iron wedge in its heart that caused the damage.
“The story of the iron wedge began years ago when the white-haired farmer [who now inhabited the property on which it stood] was a lad on his father’s homestead. The sawmill had then only recently been moved from the valley, and the settlers were still finding tools and odd pieces of equipment scattered about. …

“On this particular day, it was a faller’s wedge—wide, flat, and heavy, a foot or more long, and splayed from mighty poundings [—which the lad found] … in the south pasture. [A faller’s wedge, used to help fell a tree, is inserted in a cut made by a saw and then struck with a sledge hammer to widen the cut.] … Because he was already late for dinner, the lad laid the wedge … between the limbs of the young walnut tree his father had planted near the front gate. He would take the wedge to the shed right after dinner, or sometime when he was going that way.

“He truly meant to, but he never did. [The wedge] was there between the limbs, a little tight, when he attained his manhood. It was there, now firmly gripped, when he married and took over his father’s farm. It was half grown over on the day the threshing crew ate dinner under the tree. … Grown in and healed over, the wedge was still in the tree the winter the ice storm came.

“In the chill silence of that wintry night … one of the three major limbs split away from the trunk and crashed to the ground. This so unbalanced the remainder of the top that it, too, split apart and went down. When the storm was over, not a twig of the once-proud tree remained.

“Early the next morning, the farmer went out to mourn his loss. …

“Then, his eyes caught sight of something in the splintered ruin. ‘The wedge,’ he muttered reproachfully. ‘The wedge I found in the south pasture.’ A glance told him why the tree had fallen. Growing, edge-up in the trunk, the wedge had prevented the limb fibers from knitting together as they should.”

The blocks and wedges in our lives usually go undetected but are often the cause of so much pain and sorrow. These are stumbling blocks.

Sometimes it takes a lifetime to learn what the blocks are. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to learn that we are wrong about something. Sometimes it takes just as long to admit it and fix it.

Consider the slight change in the following scripture:

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their stumbling blocks. I give unto men stumbling blocks that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make stumbling blocks become stepping stones unto them. (Ether 12:27 changes added)

Writing about stumbling blocks “which prevent our seeing ‘things as they
really are, and things as they really will be’ (Jacob 4:13; see also 1 Ne. 14:1), Elder Neal A. Maxwell said this, “When stumbling blocks are removed, we see the purposes of life clearly. We see ourselves differently, clearly, and correctly.”

But we usually need to discover the block and the breakthrough on our own. Sure there are lots of authors with lots of books full of lots of advice on marriage, parenting, self improvement, etc. But sometimes, just because someone else has been somewhere first, doesn't mean we shouldn't try and find our own way there too. Just because someone has seen a new movie before you, and wants to tell you all about it, that doesn't mean that the words or advice, from the other party, is the best way to discover the movie for yourself. Usually you just need to go see it for yourself.

And, more often than not, you will find a way to find your way around your block.

Dejunk the Junk

Are you ready for some constructive criticism?

To tell you the truth I don’t think any of us are ever READY for constructive criticism. Evaluation is important to improvement, but criticism, to me, sounds bad from the start. Criticism too often occurs within conflict situations or can foster conflict when offered inappropriately. The truth hurts and it doesn’t help when it feels like there is no foundation of concern or love from which the criticism is offered.

Criticism well received means that the person receiving the criticism must appreciate that what is being said is constructive. That appreciation must come in the form of personal realization. If the truth doesn’t reflect on our senses then the truth will probably do more harm than good.

In order for a person to achieve lasting success & happiness in this life and in the life to come, a person must come to these important realizations, especially spiritual realizations. They are important breakthough understandings. One of those is this: Sometimes we need to get rid of emotional junk.

If you are having relationship problems, perhaps the problem isn't the other person at all. Perhaps the real problem is your own emotional junk.

Perhaps you have been shoving emotional junk in hiding places instead of getting it out in the open and resolving it. In order for you to clean house, you will need to face the junk to get rid of it. You need to dejunk the junk. You need to let go of the past and put the past in your past.

In addition to the idea of emotional junk, we also need to realize that part of letting go of the past includes learning to be less emotional about things. When we get too emotional, we let fear and worry control too much of what or how we think.
Our fears and worrys are often that we are afraid we are going to lose someone. And although it seems counterintuitive, that kind of desperate thinking is exactly the kind of behavior that drives those we love away instead of drawing them closer to us. When we began to feel as if we couldn’t live without the other person, our love becomes desperate and dependent. The part that we claim is "in love" is really reflective of a person who is needy.

A person who is needy for love, needs love because they are not giving love to themselves or to others. There is an emptiness inside that person and that needy person expects someone else to fill the void, because they are not taking responsibility for their own feelings, especially for their own feelings of self-worth.

When we are desperate and needy we attach our worth to another's love, which is why you can't live without that person.

If you fall in love as a confident loving person instead of as needy person your need for the relationship is totally different. As a confident and loving person, you have learned how to fill yourself with love and define your own worth. Instead of needing someone to fill you and make you feel lovable and worthy, you already feel worthy and full of love.

You experience this inner fullness because you have learned how to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs, and you have learned to fill yourself with love. This fullness overflows and you want to share this love with another person, another loving person who is also filled with love. Your desire is to share and give love rather than to get love or take love.

The kind of person you are is usually the kind of person you are attracted to or the kind of person you attract. The kind of person you are attracted to often has a similar level of neediness and a similar level of emotional health. If you are needy, you will pick someone whom you believe wants the job of filling you up. The problem is that the other needy person may be attempting to fill you up in the hopes that you will also fill them up as well. Two people who each want to get love rather than share love will eventually find themselves very disappointed with each other. They will each blame the other for not loving them in the way they want to be loved. When relationships break up, it is often because one or both partners are not taking responsibility for their own feelings and self-worth and are blaming the other for their resulting unhappiness.

Love in marriage is much more than a sexual issue. It is about the relationship (or the lack thereof). Many couples who struggle in a marriage struggle with codependency or emotional dependency.

An emotionally needy or dependent person often gets close to the other person very quickly. They spend an inordinate amount of time together, and when they are not together they think or talk about the other person often. A person who is emotionally needy often spends a great deal of time on lengthy phone calls or internet correspondence with the other person. A person who is emotionally needy often gets jealous and feels rejected when the other person spends time with other friends.

A person who is emotionally needy puts little or no effort into relationships with others. A person who is emotionally needy expresses affection in a way that makes the other person feel uncomfortable. A person who is emotionally needy doesn’t seem to notice when the other person uses or abuses them. A person who is emotionally needy feels easily and badly hurt by the other person. When confronted about relationship issues, the emotionally needy person gets angry and defensive. The person who is emotionally needy does not feel comfortable or does not know how to act without the other person there. A person who is emotionally needy can’t have fun without the other person.

The emotionally needy person doesn’t mind abuse from the object of their affection, because abuse is a form of attention. But if the person they are attached to does anything which makes them feel rejected or left out, they become extremely hurt. The emotionally needy person gets feelings hurt very easily and therefore is usually very defensive and takes things wrong.

A person might see just one of these things in a particular relationship, and that is not necessarily a big deal. But if a person starts to see several of the things in a relationship, it’s a good bet you’re looking at a person who is emotionally dependent.

At the core, a person who is emotionally needy is emotionally broke and needs healing. A person who is emotionally needy really does need love, friendship, affirmation in their life. But the needy person has some mistaken beliefs about his or her self worth and how to get those needs met. These mistaken beliefs are false beliefs and even lies by the adversary. Some of those lies are:

I have no innate self worth. I get my self-worth from other people.
I am a loser. I never fit in with other people.
When someone tells me no or asks me to stop doing something, that equals personal rejection.
Sex/physical affection equals love.

To overcome the effects of these false beliefs, the struggler needs to believe something different, often the complete opposite!

For instance, instead of “I have no worth”, the truth is that “I am a child of God, I have infinite worth and no one can take that away from me!”

It will take a lot of time, support and discipline for a broken person to fully embrace this new way of thinking.

It is important to note that the “weaker half” of the relationship is not the only person with a problem! While the emotionally needy person has an unhealthy need for love and attention, the other person loves and often needs to be needed. Love and friendship need boundaries, one enables the others unhealthy behaviors because it often medicates their own inner wounds. Even worse, in an otherwise normal relationship, selfish people have a hard time saying no to the attention.

We all need love and attention, but we also need to maintaining healthy boundaries. Remember, just because a person may struggle with unhealthy attachments doesn’t mean they can or should go without real love and intimacy.

I found a list of many issues an emotionally dependent person faces. See if any of them describe your own personal situation

1. I have a hard time feeling lovable and worthwhile without another persons approval.
2. I need a lot of attention from certain people to feel that I am okay
3. I often don’t trust my own feelings. I need others to validate my feelings
4. I am afraid of rejection. I isolate or try to be perfect or agreeable with others, or I give up or shut down and/or do many things to avoid rejection
5. I am afraid to be alone
6. I often feel empty inside
7. I am often anxious around others
8. I am often jealous in my relationships
9. I take others uncaring behavior towards me personally
10. I get angry when others do what they want to do instead of what I want them to do
11. People have told me that I am too needy
12. I don’t know what to do with myself when I am not around others.
13. I am fine when I am alone, but I get tense and anxious around others
14. I often find myself blaming others for my feelings-my anger, emptiness, insecurity, anxiety, etc
15. I believe that my good feelings should come from someone else loving me
16. I believe that my safety and security should come from someone else
17. I can’t have fun unless I’m with someone else who knows how to have fun.
18. I am often anxious or depressed, hurt or angry

An emotionally dependent person is a person who does not take the full 100% responsibility for his or her own feelings. An emotional dependent person does not define his or her own inner worth, instead makes others approval and attention responsible for his or her own self worth.

When we don’t take responsibility for our own feelings and for defining our own worth, we become dependent upon others to do this for us. Instead of using our agency to act upon these things, we are acted upon. Then we become a victim of others choices and have lost our agency.

Emotional freedom is emotional free agency. Emotional freedom occurs when we decide to take 100% responsibility for all of our own feelings.
Taking responsibility for our own feelings means:

1. Facing all painful feelings in life—loneliness, helplessness, heartache, heartbreak, sorrow and grief. Learning how to manage these difficult feelings so that you don’t have to avoid them with various addictions. As long as you use addictions to avoid these feelings instead of learning to manage them, you will continue to be emotionally dependent and in the grips of addictions. These feelings are being caused by others and circumstances, but it is up to you to learn to lovingly manage them without closing down or turning to addictions.

2. Explore the feelings you create with your own thoughts and actions. Your anxiety, depression, guilty, shame, anger, jealousy, rage, envy etc. As long as you believe it is other’s choices rather than what you are telling yourself and how you are treating yourself that is causing these feelings, you will be emotionally dependent. You will see yourself as a victim until you take full responsibility for how you are creating these painful feelings with your own self abandonment.

3. Turn to God for inner strength. Strength from the Lord gives us personal power to take responsibility for our own feelings and this power and strength can set us free.

4. Try learning to give to yourself and others what it is you want from others. Your challenge is to change: To become the person to yourself that you want the other person to be. Then you will be able to be "in love" rather than "in need." You will be able to love another person for who he or she really is rather than for what this person can do for you. Instead of needing to get love, you can give love from the heart for the joy of it and feel refilled in the giving.

Will You Marry Me?

My sister, Amy, just got married tonight. After the ceremony we celebrated with friends and family with dinner, music, and dancing. It was wonderful night.

Some would say the "I do's" were long over due. But marriage is a big decision because marriage is a big commitment. Before the couple can say "I do," they have to get past the even more serious question:

"Will you marry me?"

This is a big question. It is a deal maker or a deal breaker. For many it takes a lot of guts to "pop the question". The stakes are high. The fear of rejection is very real. Many couples spin their wheels and make no progress in their relationship because they are afraid to face the music and ask the serious question "Do you love me enough to marry me?"

Well Rob and Amy got past the first hurdle. The answer to the question "will you marry me" was obviously a resounding "Yes"! So the "I do's" naturally followed and now my baby sister is married!!

Years from now, like many married couples, my sister and her husband may face some tough times, even marital riffs. Once again the question might be raised, but this time in a very different way:

"Would you marry me again?"

One can only hope that the answer to the question, posed a second time, would have the same resounding "Yes" as it did on that special wedding day.

The secret to answering that question in the affirmative requires that we recognize that we need to fall in love, with our sweethearts, over and over again.

There might be times in a marriage when we don't feel the love, don't love as much, or may not even be in love, at all, any more. During those rough spots it may be difficult if not impossible to answer the question "Yes" when confronted with the idea "Would you marry me all over again, right now, the way you feel about me right now?"

If you can't answer the question "Yes" you have some work to do.

Amy looked so beautiful in her wedding dress. And the groom and his gents were dressed to the hilt and looked their parts.

The attire reminded me of an article I wrote in the Deseret News several years ago about high school proms and my older sisters wedding. Here is the article:

"They were offered a small table next to mine. The teenage boy, helpless from the attention, fumbled to seat his female friend. She was gently pretty sitting in her taffeta evening gown. His tuxedo beamed ceremoniously, conspicuous with a red rose boutonniere. The young woman's corsage, too, was particularly noticeable. It was obvious at first glance: This was a special occasion.

She probably bought her dress, but he may have only rented his tux. She probably would save the beautiful corsage he had bought for her. Promised memories from well-staged pictures would also be captured, saved and framed in her scrapbook.My sister bought her wedding dress. My brother-in-law borrowed his tuxedo from a little, narrow formal wear store.

Thinking back on all the money I've spent on rented tuxedos, I should have bought one by now.

Do men sometimes seek refundable deposits from relationships that could be saved and enjoyed for a lifetime? Should I have purchased a tuxedo as a symbol of my commitment to romance? Perhaps the difference between men and women may not be huge, but a purchased evening gown or wedding dress vs. a tuxedo sent back to the cleaners shows a difference in gender perspectives all the same. Lasting relationships require lasting investments, something often overlooked by men.

All too often some men believe that the dating activity or the event itself is a legitimate effort toward intimacy. But wining and dining a woman almost always reflects a clumsy attempt to bolster rapport, token gestures of closeness.

I believe that some men try to become sensitive to the feelings of the women they date, but sometimes the date activity gets in the way. To a man, getting serious may not always mean commitment but may mean just taking a serious look at an overemphasis on dating formalities, and too little attention to things that really improve the quality of the relationship.

What if we stopped trying to impress women and started trying to communicate with them? If men would just realize that you cannot rent intimacy.

The little couple left a small tip before they shuffled out of the restaurant. I, myself, am glad I took note of them."

In reality, renewing wedding vows is really renewing marital commitments. Relationships require commitment and investment: commitment to get married, and investment to see that the marriage continues to grow.

I wish Amy and Rob all the best in their new adventure together. Keep your relationship growing. And to my lovely wife of 17 years, I answer the question in the affirmative: "Yes, I would marry you all over again."

What Are You Aiming For?

I don't golf. I'd like to learn how, but it just doesn't climb up my priority list very fast.

Years ago, a friend of mine related a story to me about his father who was a scratch golfer. He said his father was very competitive and entered golf tournaments frequently. On one of these occasions my friend, Bruce, got to be his caddy. Bruce said "I think it was on the 8th or 9th hole, kind of a dog leg type of green, where my father swung at a golf ball with a wood club so hard it screamed across the sky. It looked like it was a beautiful shot, but the ball fell into the rough. My father then took a one iron and strategically swung again at that ball, lifting it out of the thicket and back on to the green. He eventually got a birdie on the hole.”

Later, as they were putting the clubs away Bruce’s father said something that impacted Bruce deeply. "In golf, " his father said, "the straight shots are the pretty ones, and that is what everyone is trying for. But that isn't the game of golf." "Golf,” he said, "is learning how to get yourself out of problems; learning how to work your way out of the rough"

The great golfers have their share of great shots, but even more important they can tell of their many experiences in the rough. Driving on the course requires strategy and foresight. Getting yourself out of problems when you are there, trying to smack shots straight down the green when you can.

So what are you aiming for?

I want you to do something. I want you to make a wishlist. Some kind of bucketlist of things you wish for. Places, things, people, hobbies, activities, etc. It will take effort even to make such a list, but if you don't make a list of what you wish for and want, how are you ever going to find it?

The wishlist doesn't have to be long or even that realisitc. You are not getting your hopes up, you are just making a list. The list will help you discover what makes you happy. Each wish is a hole on the golf course of life.

So make the list. Don't blow off this request and take the road of least resisitance. Really make a list of what you want out of life. It's not really goal setting or planning (that comes later) its just asking yourself what do I really want.

I joined a choir, helped build a float, performed on stage in a musical, and gave up marching band, all in the same year. I didn't win an Oscar or climb Mt Everest, but I did something new. And it all started with interest and intent.

So what are you interested in? What do you intend to do?

I intend to make a list.

What's Wrong With Me?

Yesterday my wife’s Facebooks status was quite funny. It read: Am I just retarded and no one is telling me?

Of course being retarded isn’t funny, but the idea that there could me something wrong with us, and everyone is avoiding telling us, is kind of humorous.

Maybe what she was really asking was this: Is there something wrong with me and no one is telling me?

If we were facing a physical illness, we would want straightforward answers from a professional. We would want a doctor to diagnose a medical condition, early on, before the negative effects worsened.

Beyond medical advice, sometimes we are reluctant to take advice, and, in a politically correct world, we are hesitant to give it.

When did we grow out of the need for correction in our lives? As a child, our parents were very quick to give us “constructive criticism”. Our mothers often told us to “stop chewing with our mouths open”, or “take a bath because your hair stinks”, or even” throw away that awful shirt”. Our teachers also were quick to point out the mistakes we made on every assignment we turned in. Our coaches or directors sometimes yelled at us when we were doing something wrong.

Now that we are adults we take it personally when someone points out a mistake. We “get defensive” when someone attempts to correct us. Nowadays even judges, in courtrooms, have a difficult time getting the corrective message across to the individual, and eventually send many people, unwilling to change, to a “correction facility”.

Recently I finished participating in a community theater production of The Music Man. It was my first community theater experience and one thing that I found very interesting was the directors “notes” at the end of every rehearsal. At first I took the directors notes very personal. I was “easily offended” by the notion that they were right and I was wrong. But over time I implemented their constructive criticism and changed what I was doing on stage. And, in the end, it was an improvement.

We all need to change something. We just can’t always expect someone else to point it out.

It’s hard to admit when we are wrong, hard to admit we are sinning, and hard to admit we need to change. The mote and beam parable begins to seem more applicable when we use modern day terms.

God loves us unconditionally and He is all knowing. He would be a great source of insight into what we need to fix and change. The scriptures are powerful because they are filled with counsel, admonitions, and instruction. These “directors notes” are applicable to all of us and are less confrontational than talking to a spouse, bishop, or even a shrink.

Change one word in the following verse and you are on your way to figuring out how to fix what is wrong:

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding; in all they ways acknowledge Him, and He shall correct thy paths.”

Sometimes the Lord chastens us to get us to change. But He loves us and that is why He gives us these “notes”.

Are you a Thought Leader?

I have a question for you: Are you a thought leader?

Today, in an effort to shape its future and perhaps its survival, the Deseret News announced that it had created an Editorial Advisory Board of some individuals the newspaper management considers thought leaders.

Newspapers, in general, with subscriptions on a downward trend nationally, are looking for creative ways of maintaining readership during tough economic times. In addition to the economy, the Internet and other technology advancements continue to redefine where people get their information.

After reading the newspaper article about the new board, what I found most striking about the assembly of such a group of individuals was not their background or achievements; it was that not one of the new board members will be employees of the newspaper but will be contributors to the paper. The Deseret News, which may, in the next few days, announce what is rumored to be major layoffs, has bolstered its chance for survival by creating what I call “Super Freelancers”.

Someone once said that when superficial people get together they talk about people. When thoughtful people get together they talk about places, events and things. But when great thinkers get together they talk about ideas.

Maybe it’s about time that newspapers spend less time talking about people, places, events, and things, and invest more quality thought in publishing ideas. Hopefully this board will be a step in that direction.

Which brings me back to the question I have for you: Are you a thought leader?

Recently, I sent to some of my closest contacts some ideas I have for assembling together thought leaders to create a powerful tool to present ideas. I had hoped they would have caught and grasped the power behind collaborative efforts and the synergy and camaraderie that can be obtained by such a group. More often then not, when groups work together their influence is stronger than the sum of its individual parts.

So far no one has responded to my email. I am optimistic, but maybe I lack the motivational influence necessary to organize people. Maybe I'm more of a thought follower than a thought leader.

Either way, ideas are powerful, and when you put a bunch of minds together, amazing things can happen.

Wag More, Bark Less

Just this week I noticed my first "Wag More, Bark Less" bumper sticker. I'm all for that slogan and think that is something that we all should practice more.

I bark a lot at my dogs. When I take my dogs out to attend to their various duties, I often times yell loudly at them to hurry up or stay in the yard. My youngest daughter says she has some friends that are afraid to come over to our house because of how mean I am to the dogs.

I hope my girls don't think that I am always yelling at them. I have a temper and sadly my girls get the knee jerk reaction of my temper when I blow up at them.

So I'm gonna wag more and blow up less.

It's Not All About You

Yesterday was my birthday. I am past the halfway mark. In fact, halftime was several years in my rear view mirror.

It was fitting that my birthday, this year, would fall on Friday the 13th. I am not superstitious, so I am not embarrassed to say that I was born on Friday the 13th. Many jokes have been had at my expense when I tell people this little fact.

There wasn't anything unlucky about yesterday. In fact, it was a wonderful day. I received dozens of birthday messages on Facebook. Yesterday was my casts turn to perform at Rodgers Memorial Theatre. Afterwards, both casts had a pool party.

Perhaps the best part of the day was the little card I got from my 10 year old daughter, Makall. It was homemade. She drew all the pictures. The pictures represented each of the years of her life. Unfortunately, I can't scan in the card, but here are the words from the card as only Makall could write them.

Dad
To the #1 Dad

Year 5
I had loved it when you kissed me on my tiny little head
and asked me to say the prayer before I went to bed.

Year 6
I loved it when you sang me your funny made up songs
and hummed that tiny tune in your head and asked me to sing along.

Year 7
I loved it when you made up your own big humongous words
like hold on to your "snikies", that's one I've never heard.

Year 8
I loved it when you cooked up food that mother loves to make,
but one thing that you didn't know is that I really love to bake.

Year 9
I loved it when you let me try on all your ties,
as long as I didn't spill any pen, ink, or dyes.

Year 10
I love you Dad with all my heart
No matter how much I use my art!

Happy Birthday Day.

I discovered something on my birthday that was a priceless gift. It was a simple yet profound truth and that was this: even though it was my birthday, it really wasn't about me.

When the performer, on stage, realizes that it's not about him and that it is really about the audience, that is when the performer really gets it and really gives a good performance. It's not about attention seeking. It is all about audience participation. Connecting with people. Have a two way conversation. Giving all your heart to touch someone else's.

And all those notes sent to me via the Internet. I intend to respond to all the thoughtful messages sent to me on my birthday cuz it's not all about me, it is about saying thank you to those who took the time to reach out and wish me a happy day. That is what makes Facebook work. Not the pay per click ads or all the sales pitches. Not the self serving bragging or begging. It is about people being friendly and nice and reaching out to each other.

The newspaper said some nice things about the Music Man, and our cast. Again, it's not about me or one or both casts, or which cast is better. It is about the audience and their experience. Each night when we have curtain call and we bow, it is a bow of thanks, not a bunch of ego's on stage.

It is too bad it took half my life to finally see it. Let's hope the second act is better than the first.

Who said Friday the 13th is unlucky?

Because

As I small child I often asked a lot of “Why” questions. Why this? Why that? My inquisitive questioning however was often met by my parents with the short answer: “Because.” So of course I would have to ask the next question, “Because why?” And very often that question was met by another short answer:“Just because.”
We often want to know why something happened or what happened as the result of something else happening. We try to understand the reason or cause for it. We use the word "because", well, because it often helps us understand why something happened.

Many times our questions reach a dead end, not because our parents or others don’t want to answer us, but because they may not know the answer, have a hard time explaining it, or worry that we will not be able to correctly comprehend the answer.
There is a well know principle sometimes simply called cause and effect. It is based on the concept that an action or event will produce a certain response to the action in the form of another event. The cause portion of cause and effect is the “why” it is happening portion. The effect portion of cause and effect refers to “what” is happening.

In order to get to the root of a problem it is often important to understand the relationship of cause and effect.

Finding the cause of something quickly is often crucial, especially if it is life threatening. Medical experts are called in to address the issue immediately.
Legal solutions to problems may not be life threatening but often require the discovery of causation.

While in law school I was introduced to many legal concepts regarding causation. I learned there are two general types of causation in the law; cause-in-fact and proximate (or legal) cause. As law students, in order to understand the cause-in-fact concept, we would us a simple test. It was called the “but-for” test” : but for a certain action, the result would not have happened. For example, but for a driver running a red light, a collision would not have occurred.

In the law, a proximate cause is an effect sufficiently related to a legally recognizable injury to be held in the cause of that injury. For any act to cause a harm, both the cause-in-fact and proximate cause test must be met.
But there were also concepts of causation with regards to legal defenses. If there is a cause that is unforeseeable, it may absolve someone of liability.

For example if a person has carelessly spill gasoline near a pile of cigarette butts in an alley behind a restaurant, the fact that a restaurant patron later carelessly threw a cigarette butt into the gasoline, the gasoline would still be deemed a foreseeable cause and would not absolve the person who spilled the gasoline even though the cigarette butt sparked a fire. However, if the restaurant patron intentionally threw the cigarette butt into the gasoline, because he wanted to see it ignite, this intentional act would likely be unforeseeable and therefore a superseding cause.

However both the act and the injury must be unforeseeable. For instance, if a contractor was responsible for fencing or marking a hole in the ground where construction work is taking place, and negligently fails to do so while a subcontractor is working in the hole. Then a driver negligently does not take his or her medication before driving and drives into the unmarked hole, injuring the subcontractor, the contractor would most likely still be liable for the injury to the subcontractor even in light of the intervening negligent act (failure to take medication/bad driving) of the driver. This is because even though the negligent act of the driver is not foreseeable, the fact of the injury is foreseeable (a car falling into a hole because there is no fencing).

There are proximate factors and ultimate factors related to cause and effect in all the areas of our lives. Cause and effect have often been referred to as a part of a universal law known as the universal law of cause and effect.

There are other universal laws that have similar characteristics to the law of cause and effect. Newton’s 3rd law of motion, for example can be stated this way: There is an equal and opposite reaction to every action. Although it is not identical to the concepts of cause and effect, this scientific law is soundly based in a similar principle of action and reaction.

A lot of people I know are going though hard times and are facing problems that are hard to comprehend or explain. Life has its share of not fair.

During these times "because" doesn't seem like a good enough answer. But sometimes "because" is really the only answer.

Wow What a Week It Has Been.

Last Thursday I changed my schedule and made an unexpected visit to see my Grandmother. One week later and I was a pall bearer at her funeral.

My mother’s mother lived to be 86. Old age really didn’t take its toil until recently. In fact, the night of her death, she was surrounded by one son, one daughter, one daughter in-law, and three grandchildren. No one coordinated the visit, and no one expected Grandma to pass away within minutes of everyone’s arrival.

I made it there two minutes too late. But I was glad I stopped to see her last Thursday.

Farewell Grand Ma! We love you and we will miss you!

Pull From The Roots

It's a saturday in the middle of July. Yardwork is calling me, but I'm not listening. Blogging is better than weeding. But the weeds just keep growing.

I remember as a small boy the chores of the summer, which included mowing the lawn and pulling weeds. I dreaded pulling the weeds the most. It always seemed like there was an endless supply of weeds. And, for some reason, the weeds always grew faster than the grass. For this reason it was easy to spot the weeds on the lawn, especially the dandelions.

I learned, over time, that the weeds were easier to pull out of the ground, if the earth was moist. If I waited until midday when it was dry and hot, it was practically impossible to pull out the weeds.
Sometimes I did not pull out the weeds before I mowed the lawn. I would just skip that task. And, when the lawn was freshly cut, no one could tell there had been any weeds at all.

But within only a day or two, the weeds would return, sometimes in greater numbers, and they always grew faster than the grass.
When my mother realized what I had done, she would promptly send me out again to the lawn or to the garden to pull weeds. But the second attempt was often as futile as the first. This time, instead of mowing down the weeds, I would just pull off the tops of the weeds.

At first glance, it looked like I had successfully removed the weeds. But in a day or two there would be compelling evidence, all over the lawn: a new crop of weeds would implicate me for my carelessness.

My mother would send me out again, but this time she would follow me, saying things like “If you had done it right the first time you wouldn’t be doing it again.” I watched her pull a few weeds, sometimes with a tool, and sometimes with just her bare hands. As she pulled the weeds she would often say. “if you want to get rid of the weed, once and for all, you have got to pull from the roots.”
Over the years I have often thought of my mother’s statement while pulling weeds in my own yard. I would reflect on her words “Pull from the roots” over and over again.

Solving life’s problems require that we do more than scratch the surface. We need to get to the root of the problem. We need to pull from the roots.

A friend once said to me “We’ve all got problems, stand in line.”

I laughed at first at this comment, but then I quietly thought about what he said. My friend was right. No one is exempt from problems. We live in a world full of problems. And there are some really big problems out there. Here is list of a few:

Abortion
Addiction
Aging/ Elderly Issues
AIDS
Alcoholism
Being a single parent
Child abuse/ Spousal Abuse
Civil Disorder
Crime
Debt
Divorce
Disabilities
Drugs/Drug violence
Economic Survival
Education Crisis
Environment issues
Ethnic Strife/Prejudice
Famine/Starvation
Financial Crisis
Gangs/ Gang violence
Greed
Health Care Costs
Homelessness
Homicide/ Suicide
Illiteracy
Incest/ Sexual Abuse
Insurance Costs
Legal Costs
Massacres/Holocaust
Media influences
Moral Decay
Natural Disasters
Oppression/ Tyranny/ Slavery
Pornography
Poverty
Racism
Rape
Sexism
Smoking Addiction
Taxes
Terrorism
War
Wide spread Diseases
World Economic Competition

The above list of problems is not a complete list, but newspapers are filled, every day, with headlines and news reports covering tragic stories about problems like these.

Problems can make us feel helpless and hopeless. It is easy to get caught up in problems because there are so many and some are so very severe.

But the biggest problem could be that, as individuals, and as a society for that matter, we have become too problem focused. And we have become to jaded and numb because of it.

The first problem that could be in the way of progress is that the problem focus is the problem. Of course we need to give problems proper attention, but not too much attention. We need to strive to find solutions. We need to be solution focused!

So what is the solution. We need to be action oriented!

I better go pull some weeds.

Seventeen

Time goes by so quickly. I must have blinked and the years raced by.

Today is my anniversary. I have celebrated 16 days like this before. Today is number seventeen. A few celebrations have been on trips to exotic places. Some have been at fancy restaurants.

But usually this day goes by unnoticed by most. Marked with a few small gifts and thoughtful messages in cards.

But there couldn't be a more wonderful day in all the world. Especially because of the woman I share it with. There isn't a more beautiful woman in the world to me than her. She is the quintessence of elegance. She is remarkable in so many ways that just thinking about them is like counting my blessings.

She doesn't brag or bring attention to herself, so I'm probably out of line for writing all of this, but getting to know her, over the years, has been fantastic and fascinating. Her quiet way has a calming effect on my soul.

I haven't blogged in a long while, but I couldn't let this day go by without declaring my endless love for her and shouting it across the earth. I love my eternal sweetheart and though earth and hell have tried to combine to destroy what we have, here's to seventeen years of true love and the brightness of hope for all that is in store for eternity.

I love ya Nancie! Happy Anniversary!

Death & Taxes

Happy Reality Check Day! Isn’t that what April 15th is? Isn’t today like a national holiday or something? Doesn’t it make its annual appearance faithfully every year like most holidays?

If only today were really a holiday? We get most holidays off, but today, because I have procrastinated until the bitter end, I will be consumed by doing my taxes well into the night. As the saying goes nothing is as sure as death and taxes.

But April started out to be such a good month with Easter and Conference.

I studied tax law in law school, but knowing the law and living the law are two different things. The laws of prosperity are closely linked to the laws of the harvest. Even as you sow so shall ye reap. And you reap what you sow if you don’t plan ahead for taxes.

When we fail to plan ahead for taxes we plan to fail. But, more often than not, like a head on collision, we are blinded sided by tax issues. I have talked to more people this year about tax problems than any previous year. One individual inherited a lump sum of money from the death of a relative. Although he had put some money aside for taxes, the increase in income put him into a higher tax bracket and he owes more money than he has left in his inheritance. Another woman won prizes on a game show, only to have to sell the bulk of the prizes to pay the taxes owed. Another individual spent thousands of dollars on medical bills but did not qualify for the itemized deduction for these expenses and has no money to pay his taxes. Still another individual took out his retirement to start a business, only to find that his capital gains taxes are greater than the income he made from the business all year.

My own procrastination is related to my bigger problem of fiscal irresponsibility. I should pay my taxes quarterly. I do not. Therefore, I don’t live within the reality of what my real tax burden is and I don’t, like the grasshopper, put enough away for taxes. I get caught up in the pursuit of wealth only to find that April 15th is an annual wake up call. Too bad this prodigal tax payer doesn’t learn his hard lessons and repeats that same mistake every year.

For me the pursuit of wealth can become a material blindness. I think I suffer from financial reality syndrome which is related to a far worse disease: Imagination Disorder. When we want something to go a certain way, sometimes we desire it so much that we pretend things will be ok. We become pretenders and then spenders and then defenders until eventually our make believe financial world appears to be real. But that reality is shattered on tax day. What goes up must come down.

Tax judgment day, in some small way, is a reflection of what the real judgment day will be like: we will be required to make an accounting. If we got caught in the affluenza trap, if the financial mist of darkness blind us into thinking that “All is well in Zion”, then our lives will reflect that we came up short in what matters most.

The “All is well in Zion” syndrome is all too prevalent in today’s society because too many focus on vain imaginations and the light of reality is slowly growing darker. We spend time and money on that which is of no worth and that which cannot satisfy. Death and taxes are painful because they are real and if you are like me, the reality hits hard for those who don’t face reality very well.

But reality checks can be a good thing. We can, as the prodigal son did, come to ourselves and learn lessons the hard way. The law of the harvest can work for us, not just against us.

Last weekend I spent time in my yard getting ready for summer. I weeded and pruned and raked and trimmed. As I worked I reflected on my childhood and all the times I spent working in my grandfathers garden. My grandparents were especially on my mind because my grandmother is very ill. I thought of her raspberry patch and how I would, every year, prune it. My grandfather has long since passed away, but I remember the instructions he gave me concerning the berry patch. He told me to cut every branch down to the ground. Only a little stub would be left.

I wondered if this was such a good idea to cut off all the branches. But I followed his instructions, and, every year, even though the branches were chopped all the way down, they would grow back with plenty of berries.

At first the pruning wasn’t a problem, but because the rows were long, and there were so many rows, by the time I got to the last row I was on my knees. I was on my knees because the pain in my back was so intense I had to crawl along just to finish the pruning.

One day while, on my knees I thought of someone else who was on his knees in a garden. That touching moment in the garden inspired me to write the following poem.

My Grandpa Jesse's Garden

When I was young there was only one garden that I knew
My Grandpa Jesse’s garden where so many good things grew.

And Grandma helped us mind a patch where berries grow aplenty,
we often ate so many though we left our cans half empty.

And oh the corn it grew so high you couldn't find your brother,
But pumpkins and squash they left us room to chase around each other.

And each potato harvest was like searching for real gold,
the tractor often struck it rich at least a hundred fold.

And when the spuds were gathered into large potato sacks,
we'd wave the tractor trailer on and follow in its tracks.

And when the rains had ended we would chase the frogs around,
or hoe out all the ugly weeds from newly watered ground.

Looking back at such fond memories, they never seemed like toil,
God blessed our lives with countless hours of tending our Grandfathers soil.

But since that time another garden has come into my view
One Grandpa helped us understand and Grandma knew was true

A garden wherein one man knelt there all alone,
and suffered for all the sins the world had ever known.

The only harvest that day was a harvest full of pain,
But somehow the seeds were planted for our eternal gain.

Yet in Gethsemene I think I'd find the very thing,
That Grandpa Jesse's garden would every season bring.

There's a love within the garden, that only children know,
the ones who plant the seeds of faith and watch the branches grow.

From these two gardens then I've learned a simple truth:
my Grandpa Jesse's garden was the Eden of my youth.


When I am brought to my me knees by realities like tax woes, I am reminded of this poem and I find comfort and courage in the fact that I don't face my realities alone.

What is your favorite restaurant?

I want to ask you a question:

What is your favorite restaurant?

Picture in your mind your favorite restaurant. It could be fine dining, a steak house, fast food, or even a roadside café.

Now think of your favorite menu item. Doesn’t it just make you hungry thinking about it? Don’t you long to eat there again soon?

We all long for things: some long for a lost puppy, some long for a missionary in the mission field, some long for the loss of a loved one.

There are so many things in life to long for, hunger for, and yearn for.

Is the gospel on the list?

"For what we love determines what we seek. What we seek determines what we think and do. What we think and do determine who we are — and who we will become."

Wouldn’t it have been sad to have never tried your favorite restaurant in the first place? Think of what you would have been missing.

Most restaurants have a menu. The menu represents what is offered. It describes what is available. It isn’t the food but it often tells all about it.

In our lives, the scriptures are a menu. They represent what is true. They describe what is real. The words lead us to the real food if we ask, seek, and knock. We must study the menu and make the right requests.

And what is the food?

The Savior said: "I am the Bread of Life."

He also said: "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness for they shall be filled with the Holy Ghost."

To the woman at the well He said: “Come drink of living water, partake and you shall never thirst.”

The gospel is "sweet above all that is sweet and white above all that is white."

To those who don't believe, these will be just words. But if you are willing, take the taste test. Just try the pleasing word of God.

We develop a love for truth one bite at a time. The lord teaches us “line upon line.”

When you open up the scriptures, they are just words at first, like the menu, but once you discover what they are really talking about, they make sense and you can know it, you can feel it, just like tasting your favorite food.

We must do our part. But we can love doing it.

Again from the words of Elder Uchtdorf : "For what we love determines what we seek. What we seek determines what we think and do. What we think and do determine who we are — and who we will become."

Developing a love for truth happens because once we sample something good we want more of it. We desire it. We hunger for it.

So isn’t it about time that we feast upon the words of Christ?

Meet Me in the Middle

I have a friend who is extremely outgoing. She is confident, but she is also very kind. When she walks into the room, people notice her and she does an exceptional job of working the room and meeting & greeting people.

One day my friend said something that shocked me however. She said “I only go half way.” I asked what she meant. She said, “I refused to go more than half way in a relationship. You need to meet me in the middle.” I was taken back. Here is a person who exudes social skills to a perfection, but she isn’t willing to go more than half way?

It later occurred to me that she was right. Relationships should be 50/50. Relationships should balance in the scales. If a person is not going half way then the relationship isn’t balanced. If a person is putting more into the relationship than the other person, then that person is also causing the imbalance. A healthy relationship is a relationship where both parties are doing their own part.

That doesn’t mean that relationships require equal effort, only mutual effort. Relationships are not perfect. There may be a slight imbalance, now and then, but as long as both parties are making a good faith effort to meet in the middle, then the given and take of the relationship balances out the scales in the end.

Some parties do more than their share. Generosity should never be condemned, but if one person is too generous, and practically smothers the other person, then there still is imbalance in the relationship and the person being smothered does not have a chance to give and grow in the relationship.

Marriages, like friendships, require mutual effort. In fact, your spouse should be your best friend in the world. Marriage is more than a contract, but marriage still is a contract. It is a 50/50 contract. Both parties are obligated under the contract to do their individual part.

We have all heard the phrase “equally yoked.” It conjures up an image of two oxen joined together by the yoke. Animals such as oxen are used in many parts of the world to perform heavy tasks such as pulling wagons and plowing fields. A yoke, which is a wooden beam, links the animals at the necks. The yoke is necessary to attach to the weighty matters that are being pulled. The two oxen are necessary to pull the weight together. If the two are equally yoked, both are pulling their share of the weight. If they were “unequally yoked” or unbalanced, they could not work well together as a team. One animal would go ahead or pull most of the weight himself, while the other one would lag behind and get a very sore neck. This concept can be applied to marriage.

But perhaps the most important part about an attempt at being equal is to really look at each other as equals, in every way. Do you look at your spouse as an equal in all things? Even if you think you are better at something or even if you are better at something, I guarantee that your spouse IS better than you at something else. If equal respect would replace ego, the world would be a better place.

It truly is that simple: meeting in the middle requires looking through a lens that sees your spouse as an equal partner, in every way possible.

This is my country

Every four years I’m reminded, during the Olympics, that I am no athlete. I am, however, inspired by the dedication and commitment of the world’s best.

Yesterday I was sitting in the bleachers at my local ice rink watching two of my girls maneuver their way around the ice. Both are just beginning what I hope will be a love of ice skating. Watching their faces I knew they take after their mother. Nancie is the figure skater in our family.

As I watched the girls I realized that my excitement for the Olympics is for more than just the individual sports. Anyone who knows me knows that sports are a low priority in my life. But patriotism is not. My heart leaps inside with every American win, not just for the success of the athlete, but for what the athlete represents: the United States of America. It’s hard to hold back the feelings you have when you hear the national anthem or see the American flag. It is this deep sense of American pride that I feel inside that almost brings me to tears.

To me one simple definition of patriotism is love of country. This is my country land that I love. And America is something to celebrate.

Our calendars are filled with many holidays to celebrate. Many of these holidays can be placed into three major categories. There are religious holidays, like Christmas and Easter. There are family holidays like, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Valentines Day, and birthdays. But there are also the patriotic holidays like Martin Luther King Day, Presidents Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, and Veterans Day.

Although the Olympics aren't really a holiday, the two weeks of festivities kind of feels like it. What all the holidays on my list have in common is how I feel when I celebrate them. The three categories really represent three major things in my life: God, Family, and Country. They represent my faith, my family and my freedom. And oh how I love all three.

Across the world feelings of love for Deity, Family, and Liberty are losing ground to meaningless secularism. The warmth that comes from the fire within regarding these three powerful forces in our lives is slowly going cold.

Like the Olympic torch bearers that cross the globe each Olympiad, we pass down the fire to our children. How they feel about God, family and country, is usually established by how we feel. Are these big three still the Gold Silver and Bronze of our lives or have we given up on them a long time ago?

Love is real. It is something you feel. Feelings of love for God, family and country can grow into an all encompassing flame. We just need to capture the feeling and never let the light within go dim.

The Twelve Days of Valentines

Several years ago, for Christmas and my wife’s birthday, which are only a few weeks apart, I dropped the ball on gifts. I procrastinated buying gifts for my wife until the last minute. When I finally made the last minute purchases, the gifts I purchased were very lame and not very heartfelt. Needless to say I was embarrassed at my mediocre effort and although she didn’t say anything, I could tell she felt a little disappointed on both occasions.

So that same year I decided to make amends by trying to make Valentines Day a little more special than before. I decided to invent a new kind of holiday tradition. I decided to celebrate the 12 Days of Valentines, instead of just one day. It would be patterned after the 12 Days of Christmas. Starting February 3rd, for the twelve days leading up to Valentines Day, I would surprise my wife with different cards, treats, gifts and other goodies.

It was a success! My wife loved it! In some small way, Valentines Day that year, was able help make up for the mistakes I had made on Christmas and on my wife's birthday.

It has been several years since that landmark Valentines Day. I have repeated the tradition every year since then. I have loved the chance to go shopping for my wife and find different and creative ways to say “I Love You.”

February 14th has come and gone. I have just wrapped up another 12 days of Valentines. This year I was tight on cash and knew that I could not afford to buy any big gifts. But I still wanted to my wife to know that she is the best thing to ever happen to me.

Well I did end up buying some gifts. Unfortunately my wife had to work today, but we were able to go to dinner and a movie yesterday. We saw the new film, appropriately titled, "Valentines Day". Like most romantic comedies, it also had a moral to the story and a message that touched me.

Sometimes the best things we can give are not from the store, they are from our heart.

If I could have given my wife 12 things this year for Valentines I would have hoped to give twelve virtues along with the gifts. These 12 virtues or ideals are twelves things I want or need to incorporate in my life to benefit our marriage. Instead of twelve gifts they are twelve principles I believe can help any marriage out, including my own. They all start with the letter "T".

I found twelve words that began with the letter “T” that express what I want to change in myself for my marriage. They are my self improvement wishlist.

In addition to the T words I also wrote a quick phrase by each word that i believe helps me remember the type of gesture that I want to bring to my marriage.

Mostly, I want these 12 things to last longer than just 12 days. I want to make these 12 a perminant part of my everyday life. So here they are:


1. TESTIMONY BEAR IT

2. TENDERNESS FEEL IT

3. TRUTH TELL IT

4. TIME SPEND IT

5. THRIFT SAVE IT

6. TOKENS & TRINKETS GIVE IT

7. TALK SAY IT

8. TASKS DO IT

9. THANKS EXPRESS IT

10. TOUCH SHARE IT

11. THOUGHFULNESS SHOW IT

12. TEMPERANCE ENDURE IT


The last 12 days have been wonderful! I hope to continue the tradition long into the future. But I am also hoping to make the list of 12 ideas a part of my ordinary life so that I can continue to have an extraordinary marriage with my wife.

So here's to another Valentines Day. Hope you had a great day Sweetheart!

The Crossover

When was the last time you were stuck in a traffic jam? Frustrating wasn’t it. Especially when it was due to one or more lanes being closed on the freeway.

There is a unique freeway construction technique that is used to lessen gridlock. Road crews temporarily pave an access road right across the median or middle of the freeway. This diversion allows traffic to completely switch sides. The lanes just cross over to the other side of the interstate. This is sometimes called a crossover.

By allowing entire sections of freeway traffic to just cross over the median of the freeway, onto what first appears to be oncoming traffic, gridlock is lessened. It feels kind of weird driving on the opposing side of the freeway, especially when both directions of traffic are sharing the same section of the road. Closing a vacated section of freeway allows road crews time to finish the road construction or repair without being impaired by the constant flow of traffic. The crossover is possible because although traffic is going in different directions, the two separate roads run parallel to each other.

Now I want you to visualize two entirely different roads. Picture in your mind two different roads running parallel to each other. I will explain what the roads mean later, for now just picture two stretches of road running side by side or near each other. Maybe it’s the I-15 freeway and the Legacy Highway.

Now that you have pictured two roads running parallel to each other, picture a point along both roads where you create a temporary crossover. It becomes a place where you just switch from I-15 to the Legacy Highway.

Trains make similar switches. Trains change tracks at similar junctures. Even though the train tracks may run parallel to each other, two tracts are always necessary so that trains can travel in both directions at the same time. An accidental cross over may cause one train to ram head on into another train because both trains were traveling on the same set of tracks.

Medians can help keep us on the right road. Instead of a yellow line that divides a two lane highway, medians are often used to divide a freeway. Medians that divide freeways separate opposing travel lanes and reduce the chance of head collisions. Although accidents can be prevented, collisions still occur when drivers lose control of their vehicles, for whatever reason, and cross the median striking into oncoming traffic.

Some freeways have rumble strips to help prevent accidents. A rumble strip is a feature installed on a paved roadway shoulder near the travel lane. It is made of a series of indented or raised elements intended to alert inattentive drivers through vibration and sound that their vehicles have left the travel lane. On divided highways, they are typically installed on the median side of the roadway as well as on the outside (right) shoulder. It is hard to estimate how many accidents have been avoided because the rumble strips helped warn drivers and passengers that the automobile they were traveling in was drifting off the road.

When we think of right and wrong or good and evil we often picture roads going in opposition directions. But sometimes right and wrong or good and evil are parallel roads headed in the same direction, separated only by a median. Daily we may frequently cross over and cross back without really even noticing a shift in our steering. Without any oncoming traffic to surprise us, we might drive for a long stretch before realizing we goofed and got off track.

Crossovers in our lives can be subtle. Crossovers in our lives can be so subtle that sometimes the shift in the road occurs and we don’t even know when have changed lanes. We can’t tell we are off course. We haven’t wrecked. We haven’t really drifted off the road and into a ditch or onto a shoulder because we are still driving on what appears to be a very real road. If we don’t cross back over at an appropriate juncture, however, then getting back on tract may become more difficult if not impossible. This means at some point there needs to be another crossover point, at a location further down the road, to get back to the right side of the road.

The truth is that light and darkness are, more often than not,parallel roads. We switch from Legacy to I-15 throughout our journey. Without help of the Light of Christ and the Holy Ghost, we may shift roads and lose our way. Our understanding of light and darkness is central to our avoiding getting lost along the way.

The good news is that we can receive direction in our lives. And we are in charge of the steering. We have control of the wheel. We just have to learn the rules of the road.

Don't Lower Your Loyalty

Recently I read a news report about a farmer that shot his 50 cows and then himself. Regrettably, people commit suicide every day. The farmer’s story is unique only in that it also included the murder of cattle.

Sadly, this farmer believed that life wasn’t worth living. His hopelessness pushed him over the edge. How many millions commit suicide? How many more millions feel that way? How do we get to their hearts before they get to themselves?

If you think life is not worth living, look at Haiti: deplorable conditions, even before the most recent tragedy. How ironic, then, that so many in Haiti are clinging to life, and finding survivors has been the ultimate goal and greatest effort.

Here is a great lesson from Haiti: Hold on until help arrives. Rescuing people from self destructive thoughts and feelings may even avert some suicides. Rescuing people from self destructive thoughts and feelings includes rescuing them from their own destructive beliefs.

We are what we believe. Beliefs are powerful. Especially beliefs about self worth. Beliefs can be self fulfilling prophesies. What you believe about yourself helps or hinders you.

I like the word LOYALTY. One definition of the word loyalty is the state or quality of being loyal; faithfulness to commitments or obligations or faithful adherence to a sovereign, government, leader, cause, etc. We often think of loyalty in terms of capitols and countries. The lower the loyalty, the easier it is to take the city. But loyalty also can be applied to oneself. What is our self loyalty?
Don’t lower your loyalty, especially towards yourself, even if it appears the world is crumbling around you.

The world is moving so fast that we can feel out of our minds and at war with our moods. Happiness, peace, and rest, in a chaotic world, is not easy. We need to rise above changes, circumstances, and conditions, and cling to our spiritual roots. We must find strength in the scriptures and through our own spiritual experiences, because it is through these experiences we grow. We grow, not because we indulged ourselves in an extensive routine of self improvement, but because the Lord, through his grace and mercy, lifts us to higher levels. Consistent scripture study, not zealous scripture study is the key.

Self concern isn't always helpful in self improvement. Unceasing introspection and chronic self awareness is the kind of self temperature checking that leads to loneliness and isolation. It would be nice if it were easy: just exercise, exercise our personality until we become perfect. But perfection is not about exercising or self actualizing. We find ourselves when we lose ourselves in the service of others. We are filled as we are being emptied. It seems contrary to conventional wisdom, but personality and character calisthenics do not rescue the soul of man. Salvation comes in and through the atoning blood of Jesus Christ and in no other way.

To accept His rescue isn’t easy. Faith comes through a great deal of reaching and stretching. But the rescuing hand is there. He reaches out to you and asks that you cast your burden upon him. His atonement envelopes all of the dimensions of our soul that trouble us. He went forth “suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this is that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and sicknesses of his people.” Don't lower your loyalty toward Him.

Faith in the healing power of Jesus Christ also requires faith in self. For some it is sometimes easier to believe in Christ than it is to believe in self.

It starts with belief. It includes belief in self.

Hopefully you are not tired of the poems yet. Here is another one that I wrote that I think fits

Believe

Believe in yourself
and why you are here,
to grow from discouragement;
to overcome fear.
Believe
without becoming too boastfully bold,
but constantly reach
letting treasures unfold,
Believe in yourself
you are here today,
that when faced with grave doubts
you can kneel down and pray.
Believe in yourself,
there’s a place here for you
There’s a reason,
a purpose,
There’s a dream to come true.
So believe and begin,
Reach the stars and achieve
It all waits for you.
If you only
believe.

Our Future Lies in the Here and Now.

How are the New Years Resolutions coming? If you are like me resolutions are hard to make let alone keep. Still there is some value in making resolutions and goal setting.

Self-improvement requires perspective and direction. This is undoubtedly true. But self improvement also requires change. The most critical and essential thing about the process of self-improvement and success is that there exists, in each of us, the power to change and, equally as important, the power to remain the same.

Like fire and water, these two opposites, constancy and change, are powerful forces in our lives. We often take them for granted, however. Many things change in our lives. Seasons change, laws change, cities change, markets change, and people change. Sometimes change is good, sometimes change is not always for the better. With all that changes in our lives, there are still many things which remain constant and stay the same. Holidays seem to always come on schedule, as do mornings, nights, as well as Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays etc.; and January is always followed by February.

The trick is simply this: knowing what to change and what to leave the same. It is easy to just say change the bad and leave the good, but the process is so subjective. Even the process of de-junking a home is hard for some people because people have a hard time letting go of junk (one man’s junk is another man’s treasure).

Some people experience the equivalent of a midlife crisis when they reach a certain age and things have appeared to go downhill in their lives. They feel they still haven’t accomplished all that they wanted to. By the time many people reach 40 or 50, they realize they have collected a lot of mental & emotional junk, picked up bad habits, let talents, skills & even figures slide, just because a sheer number of years have passed. As the years add up, so does the weight, the idiosyncrasies, bad attitudes, false notions & traditions, beliefs, and even sins.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Some people successfully live a little better each day. Look at the Prophets and Apostles for example. The whole point is we must realize that we can rise above letting years slip by without progress. We can be extraordinary even in the ordinary ways we do things. And the secret is not in the future, it is in the NOW. For the future is really made in the present.

I think these two poems I wrote may say it best:

Someday Isle

I charted a ship to Someday Isle
and dreamed of a glorious paradise sun.

I set my sails high and manned the wheel
I hoped for a fast wind and a strong run.

I’d heard of the treasures on Someday Isle
and dreamed of great riches and fame

So I sold all I had for my boat and supplies
but I knew all my wealth I’d regain.

The voyage was rugged, the waves were quite rough
and at times I thought all was lost

But I held on to that wheel and forged on ahead
“I’ll make it, regardless the cost”

One day I spotted dry land close ahead,
So I set my sails high once more.

I didn’t steer clear, enough of the reef
and I crashed far from the shore.

I’m stranded here now on Someday Isle
with no hope of rescue in sight.

But someday, I’ll make it back home to the shore
and tell of my terrible plight.

Life is a voyage of jewels and success
the foolish sailor will say.

But I realize the real jewel now
is the time that I spend with today.



Beyond Tomorrow’s Horizon

Beyond tomorrow’s horizon
lie the dreams
dreamt today.
Passing through time
is a lifetime adventure.
Each new dawn
brings the chance
for a brighter day.

Beyond tomorrow’s horizon
the future speaks:
“New generations,
mold your dreams
like clay.
For when
the clay has hardened
tomorrow
becomes
today.

What's the Risk?

There is one game that my brothers and I love. Growing up we played it over and over again. It is a world conquest game. It takes hours to play. Sometimes, in the middle of the game, we would leave the board game on the card table, after 4 or 5 hours of play, only to pick up and finish later where we left off.

Playing the game Risk, as a family, became almost like a family tradition, until we stopped playing it a few years ago. Finding a night that worked with 5 grown men’s schedules is harder than it use to be, especially when the game lasts for hours.

We still have family game nights. But these nights don’t include the likes of Risk or Monopoly anymore.

I recently discovered a new world conquest game that isn’t played on a game board. It is hosted on the Internet. You can come and go as you please. Millions of players, world wide, build castles, raise armies, and fight battles against one another. Several of the members of my family have gotten into the game. This new found past-time reminds me of the game nights of my youth, and the found memories spending time with my brothers.

The virtual little medieval war game has the works: castles, castle walls, watch towers, catapults, etc. Survival is the key. The secret to survival is knowing how to manage your resources, attacking new territories, and defending your cities. It is easy to waste food and other resources building the wrong fortifications. It is easy to lose soldiers and cities by other careless mistakes.

Most often the mistakes are made in the risk taking. There are two sides to risk taking. One side is fairly straightforward: taking chances. But the flip side is almost always overlooked or forgotten: considering the consequences.

Recently a 16 year old girl accidentally killed her older brother in a parking lot. She was driving a car and playing some kind of game of slamming on her brakes to avoid hitting her brother. Unfortunately the stunt went terribly wrong. She couldn’t stop the car and the boy was killed. The consequence of this carelessness was the irreversible loss of life.

Most of the risks we take do not have life and death ramifications. But if we aren’t in the habit of considering consequences, then when real problems arise, we may not be ready to recognize the dangers and the dangerous results.

Here is a parable, like my virtual conquest game, filled with nobleman, watchmen, towers and walls.

A certain nobleman had a spot of land, very choice; and he said unto his servants: Go ye unto my vineyard, even upon this very choice piece of land, and plant twelve olive-trees;

And set watchmen round about them, and build a tower, that one may overlook the land round about, to be a watchman upon the tower, that mine olive-trees may not be broken down when the enemy shall come to spoil and take upon themselves the fruit of my vineyard.

Now, the servants of the nobleman went and did as their lord commanded them, and planted the olive-trees, and built a hedge round about, and set watchmen, and began to build a tower.

And while they were yet laying the foundation thereof, they began to say among themselves: And what need hath my lord of this tower?

And consulted for a long time, saying among themselves: What need hath my lord of this tower, seeing this is a time of peace?

Might not this money be given to the exchangers? For there is no need of these things.

And while they were at variance one with another they became very slothful, and they hearkened not unto the commandments of their lord.

And the enemy came by night, and broke down the hedge; and the servants of the nobleman arose and were affrighted, and fled; and the enemy destroyed their works, and broke down the olive-trees.

Now, behold, the nobleman, the lord of the vineyard, called upon his servants, and said unto them, Why! what is the cause of this great evil?

Ought ye not to have done even as I commanded you, and—after ye had planted the vineyard, and built the hedge round about, and set watchmen upon the walls thereof—built the tower also, and set a watchman upon the tower, and watched for my vineyard, and not have fallen asleep, lest the enemy should come upon you?

And behold, the watchman upon the tower would have seen the enemy while he was yet afar off; and then ye could have made ready and kept the enemy from breaking down the hedge thereof, and saved my vineyard from the hands of the destroyer.


The story doesn’t end there. Later in the parable, the lord gathers his servants, warriors, and others and goes and redeems the vineyard, breaks down the walls of the enemies, throws down their towers, and scatters their watchmen.

While it is impossible to avoid every tragedy, cutting corners by not building the watchtower was the wrong risk to take.

My internet game has been down for almost 2 days. I'm excited for it to return. When it comes back on line it will be more competative than ever. Risk taking will be necessary, but survival will really be more important.

In life, risk taking is also necessary, but to avoid some tragedies, risk taking should include more than just taking chances, it should include careful consideration of the consequences. I think I will keep building my watchtowers.