The Grease Fire

I like grilling. It is my favorite way to cook. I love a good steak, grilled to perfection, on my backyard grill.

As a boy, my grandfather raised cattle and every year he would divide the meat, from one of the steers, with our family. I can remember having steak every Saturday night and a roast every Sunday. In the winter, my mom would grill our steaks on an indoor little grill we called the Farberware. As an adult, I bought the same little grill and used it often. Later, I bought a unique indoor grill that looked like a waffle maker.

Each of my grills had an important feature that I had completely forgotten, until last Sunday.

Early Sunday morning I decided to use my Crockpot instead of my outdoor grill because I had an odd piece of meat that was somewhere between a roast and a steak and I just didn't know if grilling would work. It was too flat to be a roast but too thick to be a steak , so I decided to slow cook the beef while I was at church. After 5 hours, the beef shredded easily, and the bones came out effortlessly. I had a meeting right after church so I grabbed a container from the cupboard and put the meat away in the fridge.

When I came back, a few hours later, to my surprise there was a thick white substance surrounding my shredded beef. It was an oily sludge and I quickly realized that the grease had separated from the beef and had turned solid when it had cooled. I had forgotten to drain the grease. I had forgotten that the grease drained easily, in the past, from the barbecue, Farberware and George Forman grill.

But instead of draining the meat, I microwaved it and the white film seemed to disappear. I scooped some meat up and put it on my sandwich. My daughter, Macee, decided to make a sandwich with the shredded beef for school the next day and prepared her sandwich and stored it in the refrigerator. When Macee went to eat her sandwich, to her horror, the sandwich was riddled with little pieces of white fat, mixed so badly with the meat that she had to throw the sandwich away. The waste product of fat had ruined her sandwich.

There is a similar substance in our lives that is so awful that destroys families. It is very real and often so pervasive that you can feel it and almost touch it, yet it is so evasive, it is practically invisible. This substance is an oil and grease that fuels the fire of feuds. It fuels animosity and hate. Yet so many deny that it exists, or ever worse, deny that they feed off of it.

It is the "why" of the storm. And the radioactive fallout that is generated from the backlash and backdraft can linger and fester for ages, often the way radioactive waste persists.

Because this substance is so hard to label, some have called it "drama", some call it "toxic," while others simply are at a loss for what to call the fuel that fuels pride and lust and greed and anger and resent and revenge and jealousy and hate and shame and fear and, yes, even denial.

The scriptures call it "the Spirit of Contention". It is a very real and thick darkness. I think the use of the word "spirit" is descriptive for a reason. Perhaps the phrase 'the Spirit of Contention, like a grease fire, is burning" amplifies just how engulfing and dangerous the white sludge of contention really is. And like the hot temperature of the meat, when we are hot with anger, resentment, jealousy or hate, we lose sight of the greasy fat because it is absorbed into our behavior. Not until we cool down and the Spirit of the Lord returns, could we ever realize just how much damaged is caused by contention.

Fat has no nutrients, it's flavor is deceiving, it clogs arteries, and has little redeeming qualities. Contention has no redeeming qualities. Like all oils, contention is a fuel that burns when the fire is stoked with contention. Like many oils, it can be a liquid, solid, or gas. I have often described this gas as being like a winter inversion: a fog that suffocates everything. And like all gasses, it is extremely flammable.

Anger will affect all of us. No one is immune from getting upset. But it is the unchecked anger, the inflamed rage and anger, fueled by contention, that will destroy us.

The secret is to separate the grease.

Draining the grease before it becomes a grease fire requires that we admit that it exists. And throwing liquid on the grease problem only makes it worse. The liquid of logic spreads the grease fire--it can never extinguish it. We can think we are right, but that thinking only exacerbates the problem.


Just as we should separate the sin from the sinner, we should separate the problem from the person and the issue from the individual.

Sometimes being right complicates the situation.

But does being right mean that it is ever right to punch or shove or hurt someone?

Does being right mean it is alright to mentally or emotionally abuse someone?

Just because you are right, is it right to yell?

Because you are right is it ever right to use the vilest of all words and swear?

If you are right, are you then right to defame, slander, or mock another person?

Does being right ever make jabs and insults alright?

The truth is, being right never makes it right to be hurtful, hateful, or contentious.

Retaliation is never reconciliation.

Whatever you choose to call the toxic substance, the only way that the radioactivity can be eliminated is when we recognize the fuel for what it is, and replace it with the only thing that can remove it.

The answer to the drama is also a substance. It fuels reconciliation and restitution. And when restitution doesn't seem possible, this fuel begins with sincere apologies, heartfelt forgiveness, loving kindness, honesty, mutual respect, and mostly love.

Without the fuel of love, there can be no clear or lasting remedy.

While our words will condemn us, the soft spoken loving words of a meek and contrite heart will do more to begin a process of healing, than anything else. 

It starts in the heart and it starts first within us. We can let go of the resentment. We can forgive. 

We can restore the feelings of love if we, first, eliminate the contention.

Going Viral

I have changed the following phrase a bit, but I think it is fitting and absolutely true:

It is not who you know, or what you know, it is who knows you.

Just as a person can be rich with wealth, a person can also be a rich source of knowledge and information. Just as a person can be rich with information, he also can be rich with contacts and connections.

These three, money, knowledge, and fame, are powerful tools in the business world.

But if you are poor, like I am, how do you increase your income, information, and influence?

My brother David nailed in on the head the other day when he said, "It is all about promotion"  "I am good at promoting." he said, and I believe that he is.

In today's world promoting is everything. And, if David is even half right, being at the cutting edge of promotion is the first vital step in achieve the best "who knows you" leverage in the world.

There is a word I want you to learn, from the very beginning, that is simply the key to how you approach the subject of promoting. This powerful word should be a part of your daily mantra.  The word is finesse.  One definition of finesse is this: to do something in a subtle or delicate manner.

In a lot of ways finesse is like dancing: It is the agile and gracefully working of the room or dance floor, naturally avoiding stepping on toes or bumping into people.  If you are socially awkward , like I am, in the first place, then your dance moves will look fake or forced, and you will, more than likely, bump into someone or step on someone with something you say or do.

You really only have two choices then. The two choices are the difference between success and failure.  You can avoid dancing, altogether, or you can acquire the necessary dance steps, by learning and practicing. At some point, with consistent effort, you will be able to, effortlessly, move about the dance floor, with finesse, and gain the necessary income, information, and influence to succeed.

Being famous is not always a good thing. Think of all the famous serial killers, or corrupt politicians, or even local people who get their names in the paper or on the news because of sexual assault. Negative headlines are still headlines, and anyone can make the news, but there are certainly negative ways to go about it.

Next to finesse, then, there is another equally important word you need to understand, right off the bat.  That word is reputation. I believe that your reputation not only precedes you, sometimes it exceeds you. And if you have no reputation whatsoever, right now, then there is never a better time to guard it with your life.

Your reputation is like your social credit score. Build on it, don't tarnish it, and it will be a most powerful tool in helping you reach long term success.

If there is one thing we have learned from the most recent presidential race is that a person who has never held a political office, can rise to prominence, above every other Republican running for office, because he can get the attention of the media and the American public, by making outrageous statements that are covered, for free, by all the major news outlets. The Trump Exception to the reputation rule is that he gets the attention because he behaves in such a way to get the attention.

I am not suggesting that we behave with bizarre behavior, but what I am suggesting is that promoting requires promoting oneself as much as promoting a product or a service, or in Donald's case, a candidate.

Imagine there is a sliding scale between a poor way of promoting and an excellent way of promoting.  Perhaps the scale can be broken down in four sections


Poor    Fair  Good     Excellent

In the poor category, you with find what I call the 3 Bs of Bad Behavior. You find these 3 Bs all over Facebook.  These three are the poorest way to promote and get people's attention. We can all fall victim to them on Facebook. They are the worst ways to promote self.  They are Bashing, Begging, and Bragging.

You have seen the nature of these kinds of posts. Those who bash others seem to think by making someone else look bad it, in some way, boosts their own value. Exactly the opposite occurs.  Those who bash their former employers, their EX's or even Trump or Clinton, may get some attention, but it is still a poor way to promote anything positive.

Then there are the beggars whose posts seem to always be about pleas for help or money or suggestions or advice, or pretty much anything that the needy person needs.  We unfollow and even unfriend those who spend too much time begging.  It may not be as bad as bashing, but it certainly is a close second. 

Not too far upscale from bashing and begging, one finds bragging in the form of pictures as well as words.  Think of the friends you have who rarely post on Facebook, but when they do, it is always about some great accomplishment or some exotic place they have been.  As someone who has been to a number of nice places, I hope that any pictures or posts I have submitted are balanced with numbers of other worthwhile submissions. Perhaps it is the pattern of behavior of bashing and begging and bragging, not a specific post, that makes these poor forms of promotion such a turn off.

Moving further up the scale you find a fair amount of straight up selling going on. They aren't embarrassed to do it, and it isn't hidden in fake friendships or elaborate ulterior motives. Quite simply people have things to offer and without some selling, people wouldn't buy.  But like a door to door salesman, we can shut the door, anytime, say no thanks, and walk away.

A good category, if not a better category than simply selling something is creating a reciprocal relationship. One reason I hated selling as part of my title company business is that I was always asking for business and taking business instead of returning the favor in any way.  Unlike the realtor who can send work to the mortgage company, or the mortgage company, who could refer work back to the realtor, the title company, acting more like a pharmaceutical rep than a business to business generator, practically begs for work. This isn't a powerful position to be in.  In fact, it almost felt third wheel at times. A good way to earn business is to send business the other way, not just expect business to be offered to you.

And it isn't just business we reciprocate. Reciprocation can include information. We reciprocate when we educate and provide needed information. We also reciprocate when we show appreciation for a job well done.

Most reciprocal relationships are also ongoing business to business relationships. Long term partnerships that have established a certain loyalty is rare in the competitive business world of today.

As powerful as reciprocity is, there is still an even more powerful way to promote an individual or a business.  It is only a recent discovery, but it is in an excellent category all its own.  In the music industry it used to be known as "going platinum". Platinum because that was the standard and level of achievement for how many records were sold. The standard was once gold--a gold album. But when the records surpassed a gold level, the platinum level was born.

Today we use the phrase "going viral". When a post or an app or a pic or a tweet or video recording goes viral, it is because it has multiplied and multiplied until it has reached an unbelievable amount of traction, usually in the millions or hundreds of millions, and usually in only a short period of time.

In short, when something goes viral it usually sells itself without much effort from the original promoter.

While it is almost impossible to say what will take off and go viral, and even more difficult to cause something to go viral, it is vital to see it as a standard to shoot for, if not the starting point of a desired outcome.