Snap Out of It

Sometimes changing behavior is like interior decorating: there are only so many ways to move furniture around the room.  Instead of just changing behavior we need to be changing our nature. And changing nature is not about placing artwork, adjusting loveseats and fluffing pillows.   You can spend a lifetime pursuing self-improvement without improving anything. You can even buy new end tables without really changing anything in the end. 

Surface changes are deceiving because, at first glance, things appear to look different and feel different.  Surface changes are superficial and rarely ever last.  New coats of paint only cover, they don’t clean or restore, real character flaws and weaknesses.  Suntans fade, false lashes need replacing, nails need filing and fixing, along with a whole host of nips and tucks and Botox injections.  Spare tires around our wastes expand, muscles diminish, beards turn grey.  Leather jackets and designer clothes with sports logos can only cover up so much for so long. And even boats, golf bags, and motor bikes won’t makes us better people.

Certainly, certain cosmetic improvements are desirable and sometimes necessary, but a misplaced emphasis on the outward appearance leaves the inward character neglected.

In reality, the spirit, mind, and body, are all part of the temple of the soul.   And the temple of our soul is the temple of our God. What we do with our body and brains, time and talents, we will be accountable for to God.  There will be an accounting, in the end, and we must account for every minute, and every trivial pursuit.

We are raw materials. We are carnal, natural, and devilish. While changing behavior is a necessary step in the right direction, changing nature requires help from the Lord.  It is in the grand design of a loving Heavenly Father to bring to pass our immortality and eternal life. This work and glory requires the remodeling and restoring of fallen man to the straight and narrow path of progression and perfection. This spiritual remodeling can only be done by God, He is the way, the truth, and the life.

One way we fail to confess the hand of the Lord in our own lives is when we constantly try to take matters into our own hands.

Emotionally we can become like airplanes flying over an airport stuck in a holding pattern trying to land. Repeating the same holding pattern is like a process of hypnosis and we are often in a trance, under its spell, until the holding pattern is broken. Miraculously, we can break the spell or holding pattern thru true repentance. This requires that we recognize and admit, no matter how minor, the part we play in the problem. Maybe we jump to conclusions, take things too personal, get too easily offended, try to do things our own way, make assumptions like assuming we are right or being too critical of others and not allowing for their mistakes. These are storm clouds over our lives and they block out the sunshine, which sunshine, as a matter of fact, is always shinning, we just can see it thru the overcast and inversion that has set in.

But we weren't born that way. We were born with clear skies, full of light and truth. Over time the weather patterns changed as the result of conditioning, upbringing, and other influences. All of these equate to what the scriptures describe as the "traditions of the fathers".

Fortunately we aren't left to remain under clouds of darkness.

There is a certain order in the Universe. This order is certain, unchanging, stable, and governing. This order is certain, unchanging, stable, and governing, because it is not of men, but of God, who is also unchanging. While we are free to alter our behavior, our very agency cannot change this order. For example, Winter is followed by Spring which is followed by Summer and then Fall. The pattern repeats itself systematically and automatically without any participation on our part. While we are free to dress for winter during the summer and dress for summer during the winter, our fashion protest does nothing more than frustrate and irritate us. We are uncomfortable, but our discomfort is not the fault of the season which we are rebelling against. We are uncomfortable because of our decisions and choices.

Less dramatic than wardrobe statement is a more subtle form of emotional rebellion. We simply complain in the summer that it is too hot and wish it was winter, then in the winter, we complain that it is too cold and wish it were summer. Like the newborn that has his or her days and nights mixed up, it is possible to never be content because we have screwed up our perspective. We call good evil and evil good.

Two examples of calling good evil and evil good are not immediately recognized as such. The first example is that of blame. When we blame other people for our own unhappiness, we are really in effect doing just that. The blame disease is so prevalent yet such a subtle killer that people don’t realize they are infected by it and, over time, blame becomes resistant to eradication because we resiliently resist ever accepting the fact that, more often than not, accountability begins and ends with us.

Murmuring is a close virus to blame. The infectious nature is the same. Murmuring can not only poison our souls it also can become a chronic habit. This chronic form of complaining can constantly cloud our perspective. Believe it or not it is possible to complain about everything.

It is possible to become addicted to murmuring and blaming, and after a while, we think both behaviors are normal behaviors. Our plane, in the holding pattern, becomes inverted and not only can’t the plane land, the plane is flying upside down, so even when the landing strip becomes clear, the plane is inverted and not currently capable of touching down. The worst part is that rarely do we recognize our plane is inverted in the first place.

Feeling stuck in the inversion, isn't it time to snap out of it?

Dancing with Disappointments

I am not much of a dancer.  I have never taken any classes and watching me boogie on the dance floor is embarrassing for both of us.  But it is fun to dance to the rhythm of pop music every once in a while.

In my adult life I was involuntarily introduced to another kind of dancing.  My daughters and I performed in several community theater productions and in every production there were some required dance numbers with dance choreography.  The dance steps in these numbers were often very demanding. The choreographers were professional and pushed for perfection.  Needless to say, my two left feet often stuck out like a sore thumb.  I was slow to learn and awkward as I performed the numbers.   No one could have guessed, by the way I was performing, that I had, in fact, choreographed for drill teams, colorguards, and marching bands, every summer for 25 years.

Miraculously, and to my astonishment and surprise, by the time the musicals hit the stage, I had learned and successfully polished the dance numbers and dance routines enough that I didn’t ruin the performance for everyone else.  I was particularly pleased and grateful for the patience of the choreographers.  They knew that, in the early days of rehearsals and practice, most of us, if not all of us, would make lots of mistakes, until we got it right.  

There is a lesson to be learned from my dance instructors about dealing with life’s disappointments. Mistakes, accidents and mishaps happen.  Our level of happiness in life will depend on how we deal with them.

In fact, I don’t really like phrases like deal with, or cope with, or manage, or react, as they relate to mistakes, accidents and mishaps. I pondered for some time on a word that I could use that would positively express the idea that we can positively get through things we face in life, until we get them right.  At some point in my pondering, this whole ideal of dancing came to my mind.

Dancing through disappointments certainly won’t be easy at first and like learning the dance numbers, mistakes will happen. But when I think of dancing I think of positive energy, of fun and laughter and cool dance moves.

We have all heard the primary song. “If you chance to meet a frown, do not let it stay, quickly turn it upside down and smile that frown away.”  Even after all these years, hearing or singing that song makes me smile.

Let’s change it a little bit.

If you chance to meet a disappointment, do not let it stay, quickly turn it upside down and dance that disappointment away.

If you chance to meet a mistake, do not let it stay, quickly turn it upside down and dance that mistake away.

If you chance to meet an accident, do not let it stay, quickly turn it upside down and dance that accident away.

You get the idea.  You will face disappointments daily.  Mistakes, accidents, and mishaps will happen to you and you will also cause your own fair share at work, at home, in your marriage, on even on the highway. How you learn to dance with it, go with it, move and shake with it, will make all the difference in your level of happiness.

Here’s why: people tend to be easily offended, take things personal, get impatient and upset easily.  They react and internalize mistakes, accidents, and mishaps that come their way.  If they don’t “quickly turn it upside down”, resent will build, and overtime it will destroy marriages, other family relationships, and even affect mental and physical health.

I love this quote that changes Newton’s law of motion. “For every action there is an equal and opposite over reaction.”

Do you overreact?  Do you freak out over little things, take everything personal, or get agitated easily? For years you have probably blamed everyone and everything else for the poison you feel inside. But you are solely responsible for that poison. Unhappiness is not someone else’s fault.  Not a day will go by that something will go wrong or someone will wrong you.  For your own health and happiness, isn’t it about time you learned how to dance?

Gotcha

Remember that sick feeling you got inside last time you were caught. That gotcha caught ya feeling of being busted is a sickening feeling.  It's a mixture of shock, guilt, and fear.  It feels like emotional poison.

Reality checks and moments of truth also have a similar sting.

Moments of truth are often so shocking and painful that our hearts ache from the jolt of reality. Our world stops and we freeze inside from the shock. Thankfully, a loving Father provides a wonderful Comforter to help us with the cold, hard truth, not to hide from it, but to cope with it.

Sometimes the truth does hurt, but if someone says horrible things about you, it may shock you and hurt you, but that doesn’t necessarily make what is said about you true. What is said could be hateful lies, for that matter, and although shocking, shock value is no indication of truth. 

Sometimes God even shocks us with reality.  But, more often than not, Gods voice of truth is a voice of perfect mildness, it is a still small voice that whispers what is right.

Sometimes getting caught is the only way mortal prodigals can come to themselves.  Sometimes getting caught is the only way to get help.