I have a friend who is extremely outgoing. She is confident, but she is also very kind. When she walks into the room, people notice her and she does an exceptional job of working the room and meeting & greeting people.
One day my friend said something that shocked me however. She said “I only go half way.” I asked what she meant. She said, “I refused to go more than half way in a relationship. You need to meet me in the middle.” I was taken back. Here is a person who exudes social skills to a perfection, but she isn’t willing to go more than half way?
It later occurred to me that she was right. Relationships should be 50/50. Relationships should balance in the scales. If a person is not going half way then the relationship isn’t balanced. If a person is putting more into the relationship than the other person, then that person is also causing the imbalance. A healthy relationship is a relationship where both parties are doing their own part.
That doesn’t mean that relationships require equal effort, only mutual effort. Relationships are not perfect. There may be a slight imbalance, now and then, but as long as both parties are making a good faith effort to meet in the middle, then the given and take of the relationship balances out the scales in the end.
Some parties do more than their share. Generosity should never be condemned, but if one person is too generous, and practically smothers the other person, then there still is imbalance in the relationship and the person being smothered does not have a chance to give and grow in the relationship.
Marriages, like friendships, require mutual effort. In fact, your spouse should be your best friend in the world. Marriage is more than a contract, but marriage still is a contract. It is a 50/50 contract. Both parties are obligated under the contract to do their individual part.
We have all heard the phrase “equally yoked.” It conjures up an image of two oxen joined together by the yoke. Animals such as oxen are used in many parts of the world to perform heavy tasks such as pulling wagons and plowing fields. A yoke, which is a wooden beam, links the animals at the necks. The yoke is necessary to attach to the weighty matters that are being pulled. The two oxen are necessary to pull the weight together. If the two are equally yoked, both are pulling their share of the weight. If they were “unequally yoked” or unbalanced, they could not work well together as a team. One animal would go ahead or pull most of the weight himself, while the other one would lag behind and get a very sore neck. This concept can be applied to marriage.
But perhaps the most important part about an attempt at being equal is to really look at each other as equals, in every way. Do you look at your spouse as an equal in all things? Even if you think you are better at something or even if you are better at something, I guarantee that your spouse IS better than you at something else. If equal respect would replace ego, the world would be a better place.
It truly is that simple: meeting in the middle requires looking through a lens that sees your spouse as an equal partner, in every way possible.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
This is my country
Every four years I’m reminded, during the Olympics, that I am no athlete. I am, however, inspired by the dedication and commitment of the world’s best.
Yesterday I was sitting in the bleachers at my local ice rink watching two of my girls maneuver their way around the ice. Both are just beginning what I hope will be a love of ice skating. Watching their faces I knew they take after their mother. Nancie is the figure skater in our family.
As I watched the girls I realized that my excitement for the Olympics is for more than just the individual sports. Anyone who knows me knows that sports are a low priority in my life. But patriotism is not. My heart leaps inside with every American win, not just for the success of the athlete, but for what the athlete represents: the United States of America. It’s hard to hold back the feelings you have when you hear the national anthem or see the American flag. It is this deep sense of American pride that I feel inside that almost brings me to tears.
To me one simple definition of patriotism is love of country. This is my country land that I love. And America is something to celebrate.
Our calendars are filled with many holidays to celebrate. Many of these holidays can be placed into three major categories. There are religious holidays, like Christmas and Easter. There are family holidays like, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Valentines Day, and birthdays. But there are also the patriotic holidays like Martin Luther King Day, Presidents Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, and Veterans Day.
Although the Olympics aren't really a holiday, the two weeks of festivities kind of feels like it. What all the holidays on my list have in common is how I feel when I celebrate them. The three categories really represent three major things in my life: God, Family, and Country. They represent my faith, my family and my freedom. And oh how I love all three.
Across the world feelings of love for Deity, Family, and Liberty are losing ground to meaningless secularism. The warmth that comes from the fire within regarding these three powerful forces in our lives is slowly going cold.
Like the Olympic torch bearers that cross the globe each Olympiad, we pass down the fire to our children. How they feel about God, family and country, is usually established by how we feel. Are these big three still the Gold Silver and Bronze of our lives or have we given up on them a long time ago?
Love is real. It is something you feel. Feelings of love for God, family and country can grow into an all encompassing flame. We just need to capture the feeling and never let the light within go dim.
Yesterday I was sitting in the bleachers at my local ice rink watching two of my girls maneuver their way around the ice. Both are just beginning what I hope will be a love of ice skating. Watching their faces I knew they take after their mother. Nancie is the figure skater in our family.
As I watched the girls I realized that my excitement for the Olympics is for more than just the individual sports. Anyone who knows me knows that sports are a low priority in my life. But patriotism is not. My heart leaps inside with every American win, not just for the success of the athlete, but for what the athlete represents: the United States of America. It’s hard to hold back the feelings you have when you hear the national anthem or see the American flag. It is this deep sense of American pride that I feel inside that almost brings me to tears.
To me one simple definition of patriotism is love of country. This is my country land that I love. And America is something to celebrate.
Our calendars are filled with many holidays to celebrate. Many of these holidays can be placed into three major categories. There are religious holidays, like Christmas and Easter. There are family holidays like, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Valentines Day, and birthdays. But there are also the patriotic holidays like Martin Luther King Day, Presidents Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, and Veterans Day.
Although the Olympics aren't really a holiday, the two weeks of festivities kind of feels like it. What all the holidays on my list have in common is how I feel when I celebrate them. The three categories really represent three major things in my life: God, Family, and Country. They represent my faith, my family and my freedom. And oh how I love all three.
Across the world feelings of love for Deity, Family, and Liberty are losing ground to meaningless secularism. The warmth that comes from the fire within regarding these three powerful forces in our lives is slowly going cold.
Like the Olympic torch bearers that cross the globe each Olympiad, we pass down the fire to our children. How they feel about God, family and country, is usually established by how we feel. Are these big three still the Gold Silver and Bronze of our lives or have we given up on them a long time ago?
Love is real. It is something you feel. Feelings of love for God, family and country can grow into an all encompassing flame. We just need to capture the feeling and never let the light within go dim.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
The Twelve Days of Valentines
Several years ago, for Christmas and my wife’s birthday, which are only a few weeks apart, I dropped the ball on gifts. I procrastinated buying gifts for my wife until the last minute. When I finally made the last minute purchases, the gifts I purchased were very lame and not very heartfelt. Needless to say I was embarrassed at my mediocre effort and although she didn’t say anything, I could tell she felt a little disappointed on both occasions.
So that same year I decided to make amends by trying to make Valentines Day a little more special than before. I decided to invent a new kind of holiday tradition. I decided to celebrate the 12 Days of Valentines, instead of just one day. It would be patterned after the 12 Days of Christmas. Starting February 3rd, for the twelve days leading up to Valentines Day, I would surprise my wife with different cards, treats, gifts and other goodies.
It was a success! My wife loved it! In some small way, Valentines Day that year, was able help make up for the mistakes I had made on Christmas and on my wife's birthday.
It has been several years since that landmark Valentines Day. I have repeated the tradition every year since then. I have loved the chance to go shopping for my wife and find different and creative ways to say “I Love You.”
February 14th has come and gone. I have just wrapped up another 12 days of Valentines. This year I was tight on cash and knew that I could not afford to buy any big gifts. But I still wanted to my wife to know that she is the best thing to ever happen to me.
Well I did end up buying some gifts. Unfortunately my wife had to work today, but we were able to go to dinner and a movie yesterday. We saw the new film, appropriately titled, "Valentines Day". Like most romantic comedies, it also had a moral to the story and a message that touched me.
Sometimes the best things we can give are not from the store, they are from our heart.
If I could have given my wife 12 things this year for Valentines I would have hoped to give twelve virtues along with the gifts. These 12 virtues or ideals are twelves things I want or need to incorporate in my life to benefit our marriage. Instead of twelve gifts they are twelve principles I believe can help any marriage out, including my own. They all start with the letter "T".
I found twelve words that began with the letter “T” that express what I want to change in myself for my marriage. They are my self improvement wishlist.
In addition to the T words I also wrote a quick phrase by each word that i believe helps me remember the type of gesture that I want to bring to my marriage.
Mostly, I want these 12 things to last longer than just 12 days. I want to make these 12 a perminant part of my everyday life. So here they are:
1. TESTIMONY BEAR IT
2. TENDERNESS FEEL IT
3. TRUTH TELL IT
4. TIME SPEND IT
5. THRIFT SAVE IT
6. TOKENS & TRINKETS GIVE IT
7. TALK SAY IT
8. TASKS DO IT
9. THANKS EXPRESS IT
10. TOUCH SHARE IT
11. THOUGHFULNESS SHOW IT
12. TEMPERANCE ENDURE IT
The last 12 days have been wonderful! I hope to continue the tradition long into the future. But I am also hoping to make the list of 12 ideas a part of my ordinary life so that I can continue to have an extraordinary marriage with my wife.
So here's to another Valentines Day. Hope you had a great day Sweetheart!
So that same year I decided to make amends by trying to make Valentines Day a little more special than before. I decided to invent a new kind of holiday tradition. I decided to celebrate the 12 Days of Valentines, instead of just one day. It would be patterned after the 12 Days of Christmas. Starting February 3rd, for the twelve days leading up to Valentines Day, I would surprise my wife with different cards, treats, gifts and other goodies.
It was a success! My wife loved it! In some small way, Valentines Day that year, was able help make up for the mistakes I had made on Christmas and on my wife's birthday.
It has been several years since that landmark Valentines Day. I have repeated the tradition every year since then. I have loved the chance to go shopping for my wife and find different and creative ways to say “I Love You.”
February 14th has come and gone. I have just wrapped up another 12 days of Valentines. This year I was tight on cash and knew that I could not afford to buy any big gifts. But I still wanted to my wife to know that she is the best thing to ever happen to me.
Well I did end up buying some gifts. Unfortunately my wife had to work today, but we were able to go to dinner and a movie yesterday. We saw the new film, appropriately titled, "Valentines Day". Like most romantic comedies, it also had a moral to the story and a message that touched me.
Sometimes the best things we can give are not from the store, they are from our heart.
If I could have given my wife 12 things this year for Valentines I would have hoped to give twelve virtues along with the gifts. These 12 virtues or ideals are twelves things I want or need to incorporate in my life to benefit our marriage. Instead of twelve gifts they are twelve principles I believe can help any marriage out, including my own. They all start with the letter "T".
I found twelve words that began with the letter “T” that express what I want to change in myself for my marriage. They are my self improvement wishlist.
In addition to the T words I also wrote a quick phrase by each word that i believe helps me remember the type of gesture that I want to bring to my marriage.
Mostly, I want these 12 things to last longer than just 12 days. I want to make these 12 a perminant part of my everyday life. So here they are:
1. TESTIMONY BEAR IT
2. TENDERNESS FEEL IT
3. TRUTH TELL IT
4. TIME SPEND IT
5. THRIFT SAVE IT
6. TOKENS & TRINKETS GIVE IT
7. TALK SAY IT
8. TASKS DO IT
9. THANKS EXPRESS IT
10. TOUCH SHARE IT
11. THOUGHFULNESS SHOW IT
12. TEMPERANCE ENDURE IT
The last 12 days have been wonderful! I hope to continue the tradition long into the future. But I am also hoping to make the list of 12 ideas a part of my ordinary life so that I can continue to have an extraordinary marriage with my wife.
So here's to another Valentines Day. Hope you had a great day Sweetheart!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
The Crossover
When was the last time you were stuck in a traffic jam? Frustrating wasn’t it. Especially when it was due to one or more lanes being closed on the freeway.
There is a unique freeway construction technique that is used to lessen gridlock. Road crews temporarily pave an access road right across the median or middle of the freeway. This diversion allows traffic to completely switch sides. The lanes just cross over to the other side of the interstate. This is sometimes called a crossover.
By allowing entire sections of freeway traffic to just cross over the median of the freeway, onto what first appears to be oncoming traffic, gridlock is lessened. It feels kind of weird driving on the opposing side of the freeway, especially when both directions of traffic are sharing the same section of the road. Closing a vacated section of freeway allows road crews time to finish the road construction or repair without being impaired by the constant flow of traffic. The crossover is possible because although traffic is going in different directions, the two separate roads run parallel to each other.
Now I want you to visualize two entirely different roads. Picture in your mind two different roads running parallel to each other. I will explain what the roads mean later, for now just picture two stretches of road running side by side or near each other. Maybe it’s the I-15 freeway and the Legacy Highway.
Now that you have pictured two roads running parallel to each other, picture a point along both roads where you create a temporary crossover. It becomes a place where you just switch from I-15 to the Legacy Highway.
Trains make similar switches. Trains change tracks at similar junctures. Even though the train tracks may run parallel to each other, two tracts are always necessary so that trains can travel in both directions at the same time. An accidental cross over may cause one train to ram head on into another train because both trains were traveling on the same set of tracks.
Medians can help keep us on the right road. Instead of a yellow line that divides a two lane highway, medians are often used to divide a freeway. Medians that divide freeways separate opposing travel lanes and reduce the chance of head collisions. Although accidents can be prevented, collisions still occur when drivers lose control of their vehicles, for whatever reason, and cross the median striking into oncoming traffic.
Some freeways have rumble strips to help prevent accidents. A rumble strip is a feature installed on a paved roadway shoulder near the travel lane. It is made of a series of indented or raised elements intended to alert inattentive drivers through vibration and sound that their vehicles have left the travel lane. On divided highways, they are typically installed on the median side of the roadway as well as on the outside (right) shoulder. It is hard to estimate how many accidents have been avoided because the rumble strips helped warn drivers and passengers that the automobile they were traveling in was drifting off the road.
When we think of right and wrong or good and evil we often picture roads going in opposition directions. But sometimes right and wrong or good and evil are parallel roads headed in the same direction, separated only by a median. Daily we may frequently cross over and cross back without really even noticing a shift in our steering. Without any oncoming traffic to surprise us, we might drive for a long stretch before realizing we goofed and got off track.
Crossovers in our lives can be subtle. Crossovers in our lives can be so subtle that sometimes the shift in the road occurs and we don’t even know when have changed lanes. We can’t tell we are off course. We haven’t wrecked. We haven’t really drifted off the road and into a ditch or onto a shoulder because we are still driving on what appears to be a very real road. If we don’t cross back over at an appropriate juncture, however, then getting back on tract may become more difficult if not impossible. This means at some point there needs to be another crossover point, at a location further down the road, to get back to the right side of the road.
The truth is that light and darkness are, more often than not,parallel roads. We switch from Legacy to I-15 throughout our journey. Without help of the Light of Christ and the Holy Ghost, we may shift roads and lose our way. Our understanding of light and darkness is central to our avoiding getting lost along the way.
The good news is that we can receive direction in our lives. And we are in charge of the steering. We have control of the wheel. We just have to learn the rules of the road.
There is a unique freeway construction technique that is used to lessen gridlock. Road crews temporarily pave an access road right across the median or middle of the freeway. This diversion allows traffic to completely switch sides. The lanes just cross over to the other side of the interstate. This is sometimes called a crossover.
By allowing entire sections of freeway traffic to just cross over the median of the freeway, onto what first appears to be oncoming traffic, gridlock is lessened. It feels kind of weird driving on the opposing side of the freeway, especially when both directions of traffic are sharing the same section of the road. Closing a vacated section of freeway allows road crews time to finish the road construction or repair without being impaired by the constant flow of traffic. The crossover is possible because although traffic is going in different directions, the two separate roads run parallel to each other.
Now I want you to visualize two entirely different roads. Picture in your mind two different roads running parallel to each other. I will explain what the roads mean later, for now just picture two stretches of road running side by side or near each other. Maybe it’s the I-15 freeway and the Legacy Highway.
Now that you have pictured two roads running parallel to each other, picture a point along both roads where you create a temporary crossover. It becomes a place where you just switch from I-15 to the Legacy Highway.
Trains make similar switches. Trains change tracks at similar junctures. Even though the train tracks may run parallel to each other, two tracts are always necessary so that trains can travel in both directions at the same time. An accidental cross over may cause one train to ram head on into another train because both trains were traveling on the same set of tracks.
Medians can help keep us on the right road. Instead of a yellow line that divides a two lane highway, medians are often used to divide a freeway. Medians that divide freeways separate opposing travel lanes and reduce the chance of head collisions. Although accidents can be prevented, collisions still occur when drivers lose control of their vehicles, for whatever reason, and cross the median striking into oncoming traffic.
Some freeways have rumble strips to help prevent accidents. A rumble strip is a feature installed on a paved roadway shoulder near the travel lane. It is made of a series of indented or raised elements intended to alert inattentive drivers through vibration and sound that their vehicles have left the travel lane. On divided highways, they are typically installed on the median side of the roadway as well as on the outside (right) shoulder. It is hard to estimate how many accidents have been avoided because the rumble strips helped warn drivers and passengers that the automobile they were traveling in was drifting off the road.
When we think of right and wrong or good and evil we often picture roads going in opposition directions. But sometimes right and wrong or good and evil are parallel roads headed in the same direction, separated only by a median. Daily we may frequently cross over and cross back without really even noticing a shift in our steering. Without any oncoming traffic to surprise us, we might drive for a long stretch before realizing we goofed and got off track.
Crossovers in our lives can be subtle. Crossovers in our lives can be so subtle that sometimes the shift in the road occurs and we don’t even know when have changed lanes. We can’t tell we are off course. We haven’t wrecked. We haven’t really drifted off the road and into a ditch or onto a shoulder because we are still driving on what appears to be a very real road. If we don’t cross back over at an appropriate juncture, however, then getting back on tract may become more difficult if not impossible. This means at some point there needs to be another crossover point, at a location further down the road, to get back to the right side of the road.
The truth is that light and darkness are, more often than not,parallel roads. We switch from Legacy to I-15 throughout our journey. Without help of the Light of Christ and the Holy Ghost, we may shift roads and lose our way. Our understanding of light and darkness is central to our avoiding getting lost along the way.
The good news is that we can receive direction in our lives. And we are in charge of the steering. We have control of the wheel. We just have to learn the rules of the road.
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