Last year, during the holidays, I took my daughter Makall to see Disney's A Christmas Carol in 3D( the Jim Carrey version). It followed the typical Dicken's story line: Ebenezer Scrooge, rich & selfish miser, is awakened on Christmas Eve by spirits, three of whom take him on a journey of reflection, revealing to him a vision of his past and the opportunities he wasted, his current cruel and selfish state, and the dire fate of his future if he does not change his ways. Scrooge wakes up to his situation as he awakens on Christmas day a changed man.
So this year I went to another Disney 3D movie with two of my daughters, McKenna & Makall, and without giving the story away, I saw a remarkable similarity to the journey of reflection I watched last year in 3D and the one unfolding last weekend in the Disney 3D Movie "Tangled".
My favorite song from the movie says it best:
I SEE THE LIGHT
All those days
Watching from the windows
All those years
Outside looking in
All that time
Never even knowing
Just how blind I've been
Now I'm here
Blinking in the starlight
Now I'm here
Suddenly I see
Standing here
It's oh, so clear
I'm where I'm meant to be
And at last, I see the light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last, I see the light
And it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once
Everything looks different
Now that I see you
Flynn:
All those days
Chasing down a daydream
All those years
Living in a blur
All that time
Never truly seeing
Things the way they were
Now she's here
Shining in the starlight
Now she's here
Suddenly I know
If she's here
It's crystal clear
I'm where I'm meant to go
Flynn/Rapunzel:
And at last, I see the light
Flynn:
And it's like the fog has lifted
Flynn/Rapunzel:
And at last, I see the light
Rapunzel:
And it's like the sky is new
Flynn/Rapunzel:
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once
Everything is different
Now that I see you
Now that I see you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uw6q5189kpc
May you see the Light this Christmas season and always,
Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
Getting Around Your Block
Two problems I face in life are writer’s block and reader’s block. I am sure you have heard of writers block before: the dumbfounded condition associated with writing in which the author loses the ability to come up with something new to write. For me it is usually temporary, but it is annoying if I have some kind of deadline.
My reader’s block is a different matter. I usually blame my attention deficit disorder for the problem, but whatever the cause, I rarely get past the first few pages of any book. It isn’t because I don’t think the books are outstanding, I have supported authors and bookstores, for years, by intentionally purchasing their reading material: I just never get it read.
The truth is my blocks are usually no big deal, but sometimes they are produced because of adverse circumstances in my life: health issues, stress, anxiety, depression, relationship problems, financial pressures, and sometimes even a sense of personal failure. The pressure to accomplish a task usually contributes to a block, especially if I feel compelled or expected to do something. I like to read and write, but in my own way and at my own pace.
We live on blocks, play we with blocks, and (here is an interesting one) some people quilt with blocks, but like a writer’s block or a reader’s block, we all may face certain “blocks” in our life. We may face things that hold us back in our beliefs or in our relationships. These belief blocks or love blocks block our progress and our happiness.
So what are your blocks? What are the things holding you back from having the career that you want, the relationship you long for, or the happiness you desire? It would be so easy to say that we just need to manifest more often, or with more intensity, but the truth of the matter is that the greatest reason why we have blocks is that we don’t realize that we have them.
Half of the problem of our getting to greatness is getting a clue that we have problems we don’t recognize we have.
Sometimes it takes a life to learn that we are wrong about something. Sometimes it takes just as long to admit it and fix it.
Recently I attended a Sunday School class in which the teacher brought in an interesting item for an object lesson: an old tree stump. In the middle of the tree stump was something unique. In the middle of the stump was a large brick. The tree had grown around the brick and it looked as if the brick was a natural part of the tree.
The teacher explained that he was given the stump from a gentlemen who owned a small store in Northern Utah. He said he had wanted the stump for quite some time, because every time he went into the store, it reminded him of an old tree he had growing up. His old tree was one of the largest on the farm. It was very tall and had lots of branches. He then described an ice storm that occurred on an early fall day that drenched all the trees on the farm including this big one. Because the limbs were loaded with leaves and ice, it caused damage to the tree. The tree literally broke in half.
When my teacher was finally able to go out, after the storm, to examine the tree to determine what had happened, he discovered that the reason the tree broke in half, instead of breaking off at the limbs was that at the center of the tree, a large cinderblock had been wedge for quite some time, going undetected for decades. Only when the weight and strain of the storm beat down on the tree, did the tree finally buckle under the weight and break in two.
Then our teacher told us of a talk he had heard years ago by President Spencer W Kimball about hidden wedges. Our teacher explained that the hidden wedges in our lives, that go undetected, eventually destroy the fabric or the core of the marriage and when outside influences weigh down on the individual or the marriage, the marriage cannot survive.
The teacher then explained that addictions, pornography, money issues, infidelity, and other wedges would rot the strength of a marriage until there was no foundation and the marriage would fall apart.
When got home I looked for the talk by President Kimball. I found a talk by President Monson quoting President Kimball who was quoting Samuel T. Whitman. President Monson’s talk was called “Hidden Wedges”:
“In April 1966, at the Church’s annual general conference, Elder Spencer W. Kimball gave a memorable address. He quoted an account written by Samuel T. Whitman entitled “Forgotten Wedges.” Today I, too, have chosen to quote from Samuel T. Whitman, followed by examples from my own life.
Whitman wrote: “The ice storm [that winter] wasn’t generally destructive. True, a few wires came down, and there was a sudden jump in accidents along the highway. … Normally, the big walnut tree could easily have borne the weight that formed on its spreading limbs. It was the iron wedge in its heart that caused the damage.
“The story of the iron wedge began years ago when the white-haired farmer [who now inhabited the property on which it stood] was a lad on his father’s homestead. The sawmill had then only recently been moved from the valley, and the settlers were still finding tools and odd pieces of equipment scattered about. …
“On this particular day, it was a faller’s wedge—wide, flat, and heavy, a foot or more long, and splayed from mighty poundings [—which the lad found] … in the south pasture. [A faller’s wedge, used to help fell a tree, is inserted in a cut made by a saw and then struck with a sledge hammer to widen the cut.] … Because he was already late for dinner, the lad laid the wedge … between the limbs of the young walnut tree his father had planted near the front gate. He would take the wedge to the shed right after dinner, or sometime when he was going that way.
“He truly meant to, but he never did. [The wedge] was there between the limbs, a little tight, when he attained his manhood. It was there, now firmly gripped, when he married and took over his father’s farm. It was half grown over on the day the threshing crew ate dinner under the tree. … Grown in and healed over, the wedge was still in the tree the winter the ice storm came.
“In the chill silence of that wintry night … one of the three major limbs split away from the trunk and crashed to the ground. This so unbalanced the remainder of the top that it, too, split apart and went down. When the storm was over, not a twig of the once-proud tree remained.
“Early the next morning, the farmer went out to mourn his loss. …
“Then, his eyes caught sight of something in the splintered ruin. ‘The wedge,’ he muttered reproachfully. ‘The wedge I found in the south pasture.’ A glance told him why the tree had fallen. Growing, edge-up in the trunk, the wedge had prevented the limb fibers from knitting together as they should.”
The blocks and wedges in our lives usually go undetected but are often the cause of so much pain and sorrow. These are stumbling blocks.
Sometimes it takes a lifetime to learn what the blocks are. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to learn that we are wrong about something. Sometimes it takes just as long to admit it and fix it.
Consider the slight change in the following scripture:
And if men come unto me I will show unto them their stumbling blocks. I give unto men stumbling blocks that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make stumbling blocks become stepping stones unto them. (Ether 12:27 changes added)
Writing about stumbling blocks “which prevent our seeing ‘things as they
really are, and things as they really will be’ (Jacob 4:13; see also 1 Ne. 14:1), Elder Neal A. Maxwell said this, “When stumbling blocks are removed, we see the purposes of life clearly. We see ourselves differently, clearly, and correctly.”
But we usually need to discover the block and the breakthrough on our own. Sure there are lots of authors with lots of books full of lots of advice on marriage, parenting, self improvement, etc. But sometimes, just because someone else has been somewhere first, doesn't mean we shouldn't try and find our own way there too. Just because someone has seen a new movie before you, and wants to tell you all about it, that doesn't mean that the words or advice, from the other party, is the best way to discover the movie for yourself. Usually you just need to go see it for yourself.
And, more often than not, you will find a way to find your way around your block.
My reader’s block is a different matter. I usually blame my attention deficit disorder for the problem, but whatever the cause, I rarely get past the first few pages of any book. It isn’t because I don’t think the books are outstanding, I have supported authors and bookstores, for years, by intentionally purchasing their reading material: I just never get it read.
The truth is my blocks are usually no big deal, but sometimes they are produced because of adverse circumstances in my life: health issues, stress, anxiety, depression, relationship problems, financial pressures, and sometimes even a sense of personal failure. The pressure to accomplish a task usually contributes to a block, especially if I feel compelled or expected to do something. I like to read and write, but in my own way and at my own pace.
We live on blocks, play we with blocks, and (here is an interesting one) some people quilt with blocks, but like a writer’s block or a reader’s block, we all may face certain “blocks” in our life. We may face things that hold us back in our beliefs or in our relationships. These belief blocks or love blocks block our progress and our happiness.
So what are your blocks? What are the things holding you back from having the career that you want, the relationship you long for, or the happiness you desire? It would be so easy to say that we just need to manifest more often, or with more intensity, but the truth of the matter is that the greatest reason why we have blocks is that we don’t realize that we have them.
Half of the problem of our getting to greatness is getting a clue that we have problems we don’t recognize we have.
Sometimes it takes a life to learn that we are wrong about something. Sometimes it takes just as long to admit it and fix it.
Recently I attended a Sunday School class in which the teacher brought in an interesting item for an object lesson: an old tree stump. In the middle of the tree stump was something unique. In the middle of the stump was a large brick. The tree had grown around the brick and it looked as if the brick was a natural part of the tree.
The teacher explained that he was given the stump from a gentlemen who owned a small store in Northern Utah. He said he had wanted the stump for quite some time, because every time he went into the store, it reminded him of an old tree he had growing up. His old tree was one of the largest on the farm. It was very tall and had lots of branches. He then described an ice storm that occurred on an early fall day that drenched all the trees on the farm including this big one. Because the limbs were loaded with leaves and ice, it caused damage to the tree. The tree literally broke in half.
When my teacher was finally able to go out, after the storm, to examine the tree to determine what had happened, he discovered that the reason the tree broke in half, instead of breaking off at the limbs was that at the center of the tree, a large cinderblock had been wedge for quite some time, going undetected for decades. Only when the weight and strain of the storm beat down on the tree, did the tree finally buckle under the weight and break in two.
Then our teacher told us of a talk he had heard years ago by President Spencer W Kimball about hidden wedges. Our teacher explained that the hidden wedges in our lives, that go undetected, eventually destroy the fabric or the core of the marriage and when outside influences weigh down on the individual or the marriage, the marriage cannot survive.
The teacher then explained that addictions, pornography, money issues, infidelity, and other wedges would rot the strength of a marriage until there was no foundation and the marriage would fall apart.
When got home I looked for the talk by President Kimball. I found a talk by President Monson quoting President Kimball who was quoting Samuel T. Whitman. President Monson’s talk was called “Hidden Wedges”:
“In April 1966, at the Church’s annual general conference, Elder Spencer W. Kimball gave a memorable address. He quoted an account written by Samuel T. Whitman entitled “Forgotten Wedges.” Today I, too, have chosen to quote from Samuel T. Whitman, followed by examples from my own life.
Whitman wrote: “The ice storm [that winter] wasn’t generally destructive. True, a few wires came down, and there was a sudden jump in accidents along the highway. … Normally, the big walnut tree could easily have borne the weight that formed on its spreading limbs. It was the iron wedge in its heart that caused the damage.
“The story of the iron wedge began years ago when the white-haired farmer [who now inhabited the property on which it stood] was a lad on his father’s homestead. The sawmill had then only recently been moved from the valley, and the settlers were still finding tools and odd pieces of equipment scattered about. …
“On this particular day, it was a faller’s wedge—wide, flat, and heavy, a foot or more long, and splayed from mighty poundings [—which the lad found] … in the south pasture. [A faller’s wedge, used to help fell a tree, is inserted in a cut made by a saw and then struck with a sledge hammer to widen the cut.] … Because he was already late for dinner, the lad laid the wedge … between the limbs of the young walnut tree his father had planted near the front gate. He would take the wedge to the shed right after dinner, or sometime when he was going that way.
“He truly meant to, but he never did. [The wedge] was there between the limbs, a little tight, when he attained his manhood. It was there, now firmly gripped, when he married and took over his father’s farm. It was half grown over on the day the threshing crew ate dinner under the tree. … Grown in and healed over, the wedge was still in the tree the winter the ice storm came.
“In the chill silence of that wintry night … one of the three major limbs split away from the trunk and crashed to the ground. This so unbalanced the remainder of the top that it, too, split apart and went down. When the storm was over, not a twig of the once-proud tree remained.
“Early the next morning, the farmer went out to mourn his loss. …
“Then, his eyes caught sight of something in the splintered ruin. ‘The wedge,’ he muttered reproachfully. ‘The wedge I found in the south pasture.’ A glance told him why the tree had fallen. Growing, edge-up in the trunk, the wedge had prevented the limb fibers from knitting together as they should.”
The blocks and wedges in our lives usually go undetected but are often the cause of so much pain and sorrow. These are stumbling blocks.
Sometimes it takes a lifetime to learn what the blocks are. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to learn that we are wrong about something. Sometimes it takes just as long to admit it and fix it.
Consider the slight change in the following scripture:
And if men come unto me I will show unto them their stumbling blocks. I give unto men stumbling blocks that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make stumbling blocks become stepping stones unto them. (Ether 12:27 changes added)
Writing about stumbling blocks “which prevent our seeing ‘things as they
really are, and things as they really will be’ (Jacob 4:13; see also 1 Ne. 14:1), Elder Neal A. Maxwell said this, “When stumbling blocks are removed, we see the purposes of life clearly. We see ourselves differently, clearly, and correctly.”
But we usually need to discover the block and the breakthrough on our own. Sure there are lots of authors with lots of books full of lots of advice on marriage, parenting, self improvement, etc. But sometimes, just because someone else has been somewhere first, doesn't mean we shouldn't try and find our own way there too. Just because someone has seen a new movie before you, and wants to tell you all about it, that doesn't mean that the words or advice, from the other party, is the best way to discover the movie for yourself. Usually you just need to go see it for yourself.
And, more often than not, you will find a way to find your way around your block.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Dejunk the Junk
Are you ready for some constructive criticism?
To tell you the truth I don’t think any of us are ever READY for constructive criticism. Evaluation is important to improvement, but criticism, to me, sounds bad from the start. Criticism too often occurs within conflict situations or can foster conflict when offered inappropriately. The truth hurts and it doesn’t help when it feels like there is no foundation of concern or love from which the criticism is offered.
Criticism well received means that the person receiving the criticism must appreciate that what is being said is constructive. That appreciation must come in the form of personal realization. If the truth doesn’t reflect on our senses then the truth will probably do more harm than good.
In order for a person to achieve lasting success & happiness in this life and in the life to come, a person must come to these important realizations, especially spiritual realizations. They are important breakthough understandings. One of those is this: Sometimes we need to get rid of emotional junk.
If you are having relationship problems, perhaps the problem isn't the other person at all. Perhaps the real problem is your own emotional junk.
Perhaps you have been shoving emotional junk in hiding places instead of getting it out in the open and resolving it. In order for you to clean house, you will need to face the junk to get rid of it. You need to dejunk the junk. You need to let go of the past and put the past in your past.
In addition to the idea of emotional junk, we also need to realize that part of letting go of the past includes learning to be less emotional about things. When we get too emotional, we let fear and worry control too much of what or how we think.
Our fears and worrys are often that we are afraid we are going to lose someone. And although it seems counterintuitive, that kind of desperate thinking is exactly the kind of behavior that drives those we love away instead of drawing them closer to us. When we began to feel as if we couldn’t live without the other person, our love becomes desperate and dependent. The part that we claim is "in love" is really reflective of a person who is needy.
A person who is needy for love, needs love because they are not giving love to themselves or to others. There is an emptiness inside that person and that needy person expects someone else to fill the void, because they are not taking responsibility for their own feelings, especially for their own feelings of self-worth.
When we are desperate and needy we attach our worth to another's love, which is why you can't live without that person.
If you fall in love as a confident loving person instead of as needy person your need for the relationship is totally different. As a confident and loving person, you have learned how to fill yourself with love and define your own worth. Instead of needing someone to fill you and make you feel lovable and worthy, you already feel worthy and full of love.
You experience this inner fullness because you have learned how to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs, and you have learned to fill yourself with love. This fullness overflows and you want to share this love with another person, another loving person who is also filled with love. Your desire is to share and give love rather than to get love or take love.
The kind of person you are is usually the kind of person you are attracted to or the kind of person you attract. The kind of person you are attracted to often has a similar level of neediness and a similar level of emotional health. If you are needy, you will pick someone whom you believe wants the job of filling you up. The problem is that the other needy person may be attempting to fill you up in the hopes that you will also fill them up as well. Two people who each want to get love rather than share love will eventually find themselves very disappointed with each other. They will each blame the other for not loving them in the way they want to be loved. When relationships break up, it is often because one or both partners are not taking responsibility for their own feelings and self-worth and are blaming the other for their resulting unhappiness.
Love in marriage is much more than a sexual issue. It is about the relationship (or the lack thereof). Many couples who struggle in a marriage struggle with codependency or emotional dependency.
An emotionally needy or dependent person often gets close to the other person very quickly. They spend an inordinate amount of time together, and when they are not together they think or talk about the other person often. A person who is emotionally needy often spends a great deal of time on lengthy phone calls or internet correspondence with the other person. A person who is emotionally needy often gets jealous and feels rejected when the other person spends time with other friends.
A person who is emotionally needy puts little or no effort into relationships with others. A person who is emotionally needy expresses affection in a way that makes the other person feel uncomfortable. A person who is emotionally needy doesn’t seem to notice when the other person uses or abuses them. A person who is emotionally needy feels easily and badly hurt by the other person. When confronted about relationship issues, the emotionally needy person gets angry and defensive. The person who is emotionally needy does not feel comfortable or does not know how to act without the other person there. A person who is emotionally needy can’t have fun without the other person.
The emotionally needy person doesn’t mind abuse from the object of their affection, because abuse is a form of attention. But if the person they are attached to does anything which makes them feel rejected or left out, they become extremely hurt. The emotionally needy person gets feelings hurt very easily and therefore is usually very defensive and takes things wrong.
A person might see just one of these things in a particular relationship, and that is not necessarily a big deal. But if a person starts to see several of the things in a relationship, it’s a good bet you’re looking at a person who is emotionally dependent.
At the core, a person who is emotionally needy is emotionally broke and needs healing. A person who is emotionally needy really does need love, friendship, affirmation in their life. But the needy person has some mistaken beliefs about his or her self worth and how to get those needs met. These mistaken beliefs are false beliefs and even lies by the adversary. Some of those lies are:
I have no innate self worth. I get my self-worth from other people.
I am a loser. I never fit in with other people.
When someone tells me no or asks me to stop doing something, that equals personal rejection.
Sex/physical affection equals love.
To overcome the effects of these false beliefs, the struggler needs to believe something different, often the complete opposite!
For instance, instead of “I have no worth”, the truth is that “I am a child of God, I have infinite worth and no one can take that away from me!”
It will take a lot of time, support and discipline for a broken person to fully embrace this new way of thinking.
It is important to note that the “weaker half” of the relationship is not the only person with a problem! While the emotionally needy person has an unhealthy need for love and attention, the other person loves and often needs to be needed. Love and friendship need boundaries, one enables the others unhealthy behaviors because it often medicates their own inner wounds. Even worse, in an otherwise normal relationship, selfish people have a hard time saying no to the attention.
We all need love and attention, but we also need to maintaining healthy boundaries. Remember, just because a person may struggle with unhealthy attachments doesn’t mean they can or should go without real love and intimacy.
I found a list of many issues an emotionally dependent person faces. See if any of them describe your own personal situation
1. I have a hard time feeling lovable and worthwhile without another persons approval.
2. I need a lot of attention from certain people to feel that I am okay
3. I often don’t trust my own feelings. I need others to validate my feelings
4. I am afraid of rejection. I isolate or try to be perfect or agreeable with others, or I give up or shut down and/or do many things to avoid rejection
5. I am afraid to be alone
6. I often feel empty inside
7. I am often anxious around others
8. I am often jealous in my relationships
9. I take others uncaring behavior towards me personally
10. I get angry when others do what they want to do instead of what I want them to do
11. People have told me that I am too needy
12. I don’t know what to do with myself when I am not around others.
13. I am fine when I am alone, but I get tense and anxious around others
14. I often find myself blaming others for my feelings-my anger, emptiness, insecurity, anxiety, etc
15. I believe that my good feelings should come from someone else loving me
16. I believe that my safety and security should come from someone else
17. I can’t have fun unless I’m with someone else who knows how to have fun.
18. I am often anxious or depressed, hurt or angry
An emotionally dependent person is a person who does not take the full 100% responsibility for his or her own feelings. An emotional dependent person does not define his or her own inner worth, instead makes others approval and attention responsible for his or her own self worth.
When we don’t take responsibility for our own feelings and for defining our own worth, we become dependent upon others to do this for us. Instead of using our agency to act upon these things, we are acted upon. Then we become a victim of others choices and have lost our agency.
Emotional freedom is emotional free agency. Emotional freedom occurs when we decide to take 100% responsibility for all of our own feelings.
Taking responsibility for our own feelings means:
1. Facing all painful feelings in life—loneliness, helplessness, heartache, heartbreak, sorrow and grief. Learning how to manage these difficult feelings so that you don’t have to avoid them with various addictions. As long as you use addictions to avoid these feelings instead of learning to manage them, you will continue to be emotionally dependent and in the grips of addictions. These feelings are being caused by others and circumstances, but it is up to you to learn to lovingly manage them without closing down or turning to addictions.
2. Explore the feelings you create with your own thoughts and actions. Your anxiety, depression, guilty, shame, anger, jealousy, rage, envy etc. As long as you believe it is other’s choices rather than what you are telling yourself and how you are treating yourself that is causing these feelings, you will be emotionally dependent. You will see yourself as a victim until you take full responsibility for how you are creating these painful feelings with your own self abandonment.
3. Turn to God for inner strength. Strength from the Lord gives us personal power to take responsibility for our own feelings and this power and strength can set us free.
4. Try learning to give to yourself and others what it is you want from others. Your challenge is to change: To become the person to yourself that you want the other person to be. Then you will be able to be "in love" rather than "in need." You will be able to love another person for who he or she really is rather than for what this person can do for you. Instead of needing to get love, you can give love from the heart for the joy of it and feel refilled in the giving.
To tell you the truth I don’t think any of us are ever READY for constructive criticism. Evaluation is important to improvement, but criticism, to me, sounds bad from the start. Criticism too often occurs within conflict situations or can foster conflict when offered inappropriately. The truth hurts and it doesn’t help when it feels like there is no foundation of concern or love from which the criticism is offered.
Criticism well received means that the person receiving the criticism must appreciate that what is being said is constructive. That appreciation must come in the form of personal realization. If the truth doesn’t reflect on our senses then the truth will probably do more harm than good.
In order for a person to achieve lasting success & happiness in this life and in the life to come, a person must come to these important realizations, especially spiritual realizations. They are important breakthough understandings. One of those is this: Sometimes we need to get rid of emotional junk.
If you are having relationship problems, perhaps the problem isn't the other person at all. Perhaps the real problem is your own emotional junk.
Perhaps you have been shoving emotional junk in hiding places instead of getting it out in the open and resolving it. In order for you to clean house, you will need to face the junk to get rid of it. You need to dejunk the junk. You need to let go of the past and put the past in your past.
In addition to the idea of emotional junk, we also need to realize that part of letting go of the past includes learning to be less emotional about things. When we get too emotional, we let fear and worry control too much of what or how we think.
Our fears and worrys are often that we are afraid we are going to lose someone. And although it seems counterintuitive, that kind of desperate thinking is exactly the kind of behavior that drives those we love away instead of drawing them closer to us. When we began to feel as if we couldn’t live without the other person, our love becomes desperate and dependent. The part that we claim is "in love" is really reflective of a person who is needy.
A person who is needy for love, needs love because they are not giving love to themselves or to others. There is an emptiness inside that person and that needy person expects someone else to fill the void, because they are not taking responsibility for their own feelings, especially for their own feelings of self-worth.
When we are desperate and needy we attach our worth to another's love, which is why you can't live without that person.
If you fall in love as a confident loving person instead of as needy person your need for the relationship is totally different. As a confident and loving person, you have learned how to fill yourself with love and define your own worth. Instead of needing someone to fill you and make you feel lovable and worthy, you already feel worthy and full of love.
You experience this inner fullness because you have learned how to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs, and you have learned to fill yourself with love. This fullness overflows and you want to share this love with another person, another loving person who is also filled with love. Your desire is to share and give love rather than to get love or take love.
The kind of person you are is usually the kind of person you are attracted to or the kind of person you attract. The kind of person you are attracted to often has a similar level of neediness and a similar level of emotional health. If you are needy, you will pick someone whom you believe wants the job of filling you up. The problem is that the other needy person may be attempting to fill you up in the hopes that you will also fill them up as well. Two people who each want to get love rather than share love will eventually find themselves very disappointed with each other. They will each blame the other for not loving them in the way they want to be loved. When relationships break up, it is often because one or both partners are not taking responsibility for their own feelings and self-worth and are blaming the other for their resulting unhappiness.
Love in marriage is much more than a sexual issue. It is about the relationship (or the lack thereof). Many couples who struggle in a marriage struggle with codependency or emotional dependency.
An emotionally needy or dependent person often gets close to the other person very quickly. They spend an inordinate amount of time together, and when they are not together they think or talk about the other person often. A person who is emotionally needy often spends a great deal of time on lengthy phone calls or internet correspondence with the other person. A person who is emotionally needy often gets jealous and feels rejected when the other person spends time with other friends.
A person who is emotionally needy puts little or no effort into relationships with others. A person who is emotionally needy expresses affection in a way that makes the other person feel uncomfortable. A person who is emotionally needy doesn’t seem to notice when the other person uses or abuses them. A person who is emotionally needy feels easily and badly hurt by the other person. When confronted about relationship issues, the emotionally needy person gets angry and defensive. The person who is emotionally needy does not feel comfortable or does not know how to act without the other person there. A person who is emotionally needy can’t have fun without the other person.
The emotionally needy person doesn’t mind abuse from the object of their affection, because abuse is a form of attention. But if the person they are attached to does anything which makes them feel rejected or left out, they become extremely hurt. The emotionally needy person gets feelings hurt very easily and therefore is usually very defensive and takes things wrong.
A person might see just one of these things in a particular relationship, and that is not necessarily a big deal. But if a person starts to see several of the things in a relationship, it’s a good bet you’re looking at a person who is emotionally dependent.
At the core, a person who is emotionally needy is emotionally broke and needs healing. A person who is emotionally needy really does need love, friendship, affirmation in their life. But the needy person has some mistaken beliefs about his or her self worth and how to get those needs met. These mistaken beliefs are false beliefs and even lies by the adversary. Some of those lies are:
I have no innate self worth. I get my self-worth from other people.
I am a loser. I never fit in with other people.
When someone tells me no or asks me to stop doing something, that equals personal rejection.
Sex/physical affection equals love.
To overcome the effects of these false beliefs, the struggler needs to believe something different, often the complete opposite!
For instance, instead of “I have no worth”, the truth is that “I am a child of God, I have infinite worth and no one can take that away from me!”
It will take a lot of time, support and discipline for a broken person to fully embrace this new way of thinking.
It is important to note that the “weaker half” of the relationship is not the only person with a problem! While the emotionally needy person has an unhealthy need for love and attention, the other person loves and often needs to be needed. Love and friendship need boundaries, one enables the others unhealthy behaviors because it often medicates their own inner wounds. Even worse, in an otherwise normal relationship, selfish people have a hard time saying no to the attention.
We all need love and attention, but we also need to maintaining healthy boundaries. Remember, just because a person may struggle with unhealthy attachments doesn’t mean they can or should go without real love and intimacy.
I found a list of many issues an emotionally dependent person faces. See if any of them describe your own personal situation
1. I have a hard time feeling lovable and worthwhile without another persons approval.
2. I need a lot of attention from certain people to feel that I am okay
3. I often don’t trust my own feelings. I need others to validate my feelings
4. I am afraid of rejection. I isolate or try to be perfect or agreeable with others, or I give up or shut down and/or do many things to avoid rejection
5. I am afraid to be alone
6. I often feel empty inside
7. I am often anxious around others
8. I am often jealous in my relationships
9. I take others uncaring behavior towards me personally
10. I get angry when others do what they want to do instead of what I want them to do
11. People have told me that I am too needy
12. I don’t know what to do with myself when I am not around others.
13. I am fine when I am alone, but I get tense and anxious around others
14. I often find myself blaming others for my feelings-my anger, emptiness, insecurity, anxiety, etc
15. I believe that my good feelings should come from someone else loving me
16. I believe that my safety and security should come from someone else
17. I can’t have fun unless I’m with someone else who knows how to have fun.
18. I am often anxious or depressed, hurt or angry
An emotionally dependent person is a person who does not take the full 100% responsibility for his or her own feelings. An emotional dependent person does not define his or her own inner worth, instead makes others approval and attention responsible for his or her own self worth.
When we don’t take responsibility for our own feelings and for defining our own worth, we become dependent upon others to do this for us. Instead of using our agency to act upon these things, we are acted upon. Then we become a victim of others choices and have lost our agency.
Emotional freedom is emotional free agency. Emotional freedom occurs when we decide to take 100% responsibility for all of our own feelings.
Taking responsibility for our own feelings means:
1. Facing all painful feelings in life—loneliness, helplessness, heartache, heartbreak, sorrow and grief. Learning how to manage these difficult feelings so that you don’t have to avoid them with various addictions. As long as you use addictions to avoid these feelings instead of learning to manage them, you will continue to be emotionally dependent and in the grips of addictions. These feelings are being caused by others and circumstances, but it is up to you to learn to lovingly manage them without closing down or turning to addictions.
2. Explore the feelings you create with your own thoughts and actions. Your anxiety, depression, guilty, shame, anger, jealousy, rage, envy etc. As long as you believe it is other’s choices rather than what you are telling yourself and how you are treating yourself that is causing these feelings, you will be emotionally dependent. You will see yourself as a victim until you take full responsibility for how you are creating these painful feelings with your own self abandonment.
3. Turn to God for inner strength. Strength from the Lord gives us personal power to take responsibility for our own feelings and this power and strength can set us free.
4. Try learning to give to yourself and others what it is you want from others. Your challenge is to change: To become the person to yourself that you want the other person to be. Then you will be able to be "in love" rather than "in need." You will be able to love another person for who he or she really is rather than for what this person can do for you. Instead of needing to get love, you can give love from the heart for the joy of it and feel refilled in the giving.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Will You Marry Me?
My sister, Amy, just got married tonight. After the ceremony we celebrated with friends and family with dinner, music, and dancing. It was wonderful night.
Some would say the "I do's" were long over due. But marriage is a big decision because marriage is a big commitment. Before the couple can say "I do," they have to get past the even more serious question:
"Will you marry me?"
This is a big question. It is a deal maker or a deal breaker. For many it takes a lot of guts to "pop the question". The stakes are high. The fear of rejection is very real. Many couples spin their wheels and make no progress in their relationship because they are afraid to face the music and ask the serious question "Do you love me enough to marry me?"
Well Rob and Amy got past the first hurdle. The answer to the question "will you marry me" was obviously a resounding "Yes"! So the "I do's" naturally followed and now my baby sister is married!!
Years from now, like many married couples, my sister and her husband may face some tough times, even marital riffs. Once again the question might be raised, but this time in a very different way:
"Would you marry me again?"
One can only hope that the answer to the question, posed a second time, would have the same resounding "Yes" as it did on that special wedding day.
The secret to answering that question in the affirmative requires that we recognize that we need to fall in love, with our sweethearts, over and over again.
There might be times in a marriage when we don't feel the love, don't love as much, or may not even be in love, at all, any more. During those rough spots it may be difficult if not impossible to answer the question "Yes" when confronted with the idea "Would you marry me all over again, right now, the way you feel about me right now?"
If you can't answer the question "Yes" you have some work to do.
Amy looked so beautiful in her wedding dress. And the groom and his gents were dressed to the hilt and looked their parts.
The attire reminded me of an article I wrote in the Deseret News several years ago about high school proms and my older sisters wedding. Here is the article:
"They were offered a small table next to mine. The teenage boy, helpless from the attention, fumbled to seat his female friend. She was gently pretty sitting in her taffeta evening gown. His tuxedo beamed ceremoniously, conspicuous with a red rose boutonniere. The young woman's corsage, too, was particularly noticeable. It was obvious at first glance: This was a special occasion.
She probably bought her dress, but he may have only rented his tux. She probably would save the beautiful corsage he had bought for her. Promised memories from well-staged pictures would also be captured, saved and framed in her scrapbook.My sister bought her wedding dress. My brother-in-law borrowed his tuxedo from a little, narrow formal wear store.
Thinking back on all the money I've spent on rented tuxedos, I should have bought one by now.
Do men sometimes seek refundable deposits from relationships that could be saved and enjoyed for a lifetime? Should I have purchased a tuxedo as a symbol of my commitment to romance? Perhaps the difference between men and women may not be huge, but a purchased evening gown or wedding dress vs. a tuxedo sent back to the cleaners shows a difference in gender perspectives all the same. Lasting relationships require lasting investments, something often overlooked by men.
All too often some men believe that the dating activity or the event itself is a legitimate effort toward intimacy. But wining and dining a woman almost always reflects a clumsy attempt to bolster rapport, token gestures of closeness.
I believe that some men try to become sensitive to the feelings of the women they date, but sometimes the date activity gets in the way. To a man, getting serious may not always mean commitment but may mean just taking a serious look at an overemphasis on dating formalities, and too little attention to things that really improve the quality of the relationship.
What if we stopped trying to impress women and started trying to communicate with them? If men would just realize that you cannot rent intimacy.
The little couple left a small tip before they shuffled out of the restaurant. I, myself, am glad I took note of them."
In reality, renewing wedding vows is really renewing marital commitments. Relationships require commitment and investment: commitment to get married, and investment to see that the marriage continues to grow.
I wish Amy and Rob all the best in their new adventure together. Keep your relationship growing. And to my lovely wife of 17 years, I answer the question in the affirmative: "Yes, I would marry you all over again."
Some would say the "I do's" were long over due. But marriage is a big decision because marriage is a big commitment. Before the couple can say "I do," they have to get past the even more serious question:
"Will you marry me?"
This is a big question. It is a deal maker or a deal breaker. For many it takes a lot of guts to "pop the question". The stakes are high. The fear of rejection is very real. Many couples spin their wheels and make no progress in their relationship because they are afraid to face the music and ask the serious question "Do you love me enough to marry me?"
Well Rob and Amy got past the first hurdle. The answer to the question "will you marry me" was obviously a resounding "Yes"! So the "I do's" naturally followed and now my baby sister is married!!
Years from now, like many married couples, my sister and her husband may face some tough times, even marital riffs. Once again the question might be raised, but this time in a very different way:
"Would you marry me again?"
One can only hope that the answer to the question, posed a second time, would have the same resounding "Yes" as it did on that special wedding day.
The secret to answering that question in the affirmative requires that we recognize that we need to fall in love, with our sweethearts, over and over again.
There might be times in a marriage when we don't feel the love, don't love as much, or may not even be in love, at all, any more. During those rough spots it may be difficult if not impossible to answer the question "Yes" when confronted with the idea "Would you marry me all over again, right now, the way you feel about me right now?"
If you can't answer the question "Yes" you have some work to do.
Amy looked so beautiful in her wedding dress. And the groom and his gents were dressed to the hilt and looked their parts.
The attire reminded me of an article I wrote in the Deseret News several years ago about high school proms and my older sisters wedding. Here is the article:
"They were offered a small table next to mine. The teenage boy, helpless from the attention, fumbled to seat his female friend. She was gently pretty sitting in her taffeta evening gown. His tuxedo beamed ceremoniously, conspicuous with a red rose boutonniere. The young woman's corsage, too, was particularly noticeable. It was obvious at first glance: This was a special occasion.
She probably bought her dress, but he may have only rented his tux. She probably would save the beautiful corsage he had bought for her. Promised memories from well-staged pictures would also be captured, saved and framed in her scrapbook.My sister bought her wedding dress. My brother-in-law borrowed his tuxedo from a little, narrow formal wear store.
Thinking back on all the money I've spent on rented tuxedos, I should have bought one by now.
Do men sometimes seek refundable deposits from relationships that could be saved and enjoyed for a lifetime? Should I have purchased a tuxedo as a symbol of my commitment to romance? Perhaps the difference between men and women may not be huge, but a purchased evening gown or wedding dress vs. a tuxedo sent back to the cleaners shows a difference in gender perspectives all the same. Lasting relationships require lasting investments, something often overlooked by men.
All too often some men believe that the dating activity or the event itself is a legitimate effort toward intimacy. But wining and dining a woman almost always reflects a clumsy attempt to bolster rapport, token gestures of closeness.
I believe that some men try to become sensitive to the feelings of the women they date, but sometimes the date activity gets in the way. To a man, getting serious may not always mean commitment but may mean just taking a serious look at an overemphasis on dating formalities, and too little attention to things that really improve the quality of the relationship.
What if we stopped trying to impress women and started trying to communicate with them? If men would just realize that you cannot rent intimacy.
The little couple left a small tip before they shuffled out of the restaurant. I, myself, am glad I took note of them."
In reality, renewing wedding vows is really renewing marital commitments. Relationships require commitment and investment: commitment to get married, and investment to see that the marriage continues to grow.
I wish Amy and Rob all the best in their new adventure together. Keep your relationship growing. And to my lovely wife of 17 years, I answer the question in the affirmative: "Yes, I would marry you all over again."
Monday, September 13, 2010
What Are You Aiming For?
I don't golf. I'd like to learn how, but it just doesn't climb up my priority list very fast.
Years ago, a friend of mine related a story to me about his father who was a scratch golfer. He said his father was very competitive and entered golf tournaments frequently. On one of these occasions my friend, Bruce, got to be his caddy. Bruce said "I think it was on the 8th or 9th hole, kind of a dog leg type of green, where my father swung at a golf ball with a wood club so hard it screamed across the sky. It looked like it was a beautiful shot, but the ball fell into the rough. My father then took a one iron and strategically swung again at that ball, lifting it out of the thicket and back on to the green. He eventually got a birdie on the hole.”
Later, as they were putting the clubs away Bruce’s father said something that impacted Bruce deeply. "In golf, " his father said, "the straight shots are the pretty ones, and that is what everyone is trying for. But that isn't the game of golf." "Golf,” he said, "is learning how to get yourself out of problems; learning how to work your way out of the rough"
The great golfers have their share of great shots, but even more important they can tell of their many experiences in the rough. Driving on the course requires strategy and foresight. Getting yourself out of problems when you are there, trying to smack shots straight down the green when you can.
So what are you aiming for?
I want you to do something. I want you to make a wishlist. Some kind of bucketlist of things you wish for. Places, things, people, hobbies, activities, etc. It will take effort even to make such a list, but if you don't make a list of what you wish for and want, how are you ever going to find it?
The wishlist doesn't have to be long or even that realisitc. You are not getting your hopes up, you are just making a list. The list will help you discover what makes you happy. Each wish is a hole on the golf course of life.
So make the list. Don't blow off this request and take the road of least resisitance. Really make a list of what you want out of life. It's not really goal setting or planning (that comes later) its just asking yourself what do I really want.
I joined a choir, helped build a float, performed on stage in a musical, and gave up marching band, all in the same year. I didn't win an Oscar or climb Mt Everest, but I did something new. And it all started with interest and intent.
So what are you interested in? What do you intend to do?
I intend to make a list.
Years ago, a friend of mine related a story to me about his father who was a scratch golfer. He said his father was very competitive and entered golf tournaments frequently. On one of these occasions my friend, Bruce, got to be his caddy. Bruce said "I think it was on the 8th or 9th hole, kind of a dog leg type of green, where my father swung at a golf ball with a wood club so hard it screamed across the sky. It looked like it was a beautiful shot, but the ball fell into the rough. My father then took a one iron and strategically swung again at that ball, lifting it out of the thicket and back on to the green. He eventually got a birdie on the hole.”
Later, as they were putting the clubs away Bruce’s father said something that impacted Bruce deeply. "In golf, " his father said, "the straight shots are the pretty ones, and that is what everyone is trying for. But that isn't the game of golf." "Golf,” he said, "is learning how to get yourself out of problems; learning how to work your way out of the rough"
The great golfers have their share of great shots, but even more important they can tell of their many experiences in the rough. Driving on the course requires strategy and foresight. Getting yourself out of problems when you are there, trying to smack shots straight down the green when you can.
So what are you aiming for?
I want you to do something. I want you to make a wishlist. Some kind of bucketlist of things you wish for. Places, things, people, hobbies, activities, etc. It will take effort even to make such a list, but if you don't make a list of what you wish for and want, how are you ever going to find it?
The wishlist doesn't have to be long or even that realisitc. You are not getting your hopes up, you are just making a list. The list will help you discover what makes you happy. Each wish is a hole on the golf course of life.
So make the list. Don't blow off this request and take the road of least resisitance. Really make a list of what you want out of life. It's not really goal setting or planning (that comes later) its just asking yourself what do I really want.
I joined a choir, helped build a float, performed on stage in a musical, and gave up marching band, all in the same year. I didn't win an Oscar or climb Mt Everest, but I did something new. And it all started with interest and intent.
So what are you interested in? What do you intend to do?
I intend to make a list.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
What's Wrong With Me?
Yesterday my wife’s Facebooks status was quite funny. It read: Am I just retarded and no one is telling me?
Of course being retarded isn’t funny, but the idea that there could me something wrong with us, and everyone is avoiding telling us, is kind of humorous.
Maybe what she was really asking was this: Is there something wrong with me and no one is telling me?
If we were facing a physical illness, we would want straightforward answers from a professional. We would want a doctor to diagnose a medical condition, early on, before the negative effects worsened.
Beyond medical advice, sometimes we are reluctant to take advice, and, in a politically correct world, we are hesitant to give it.
When did we grow out of the need for correction in our lives? As a child, our parents were very quick to give us “constructive criticism”. Our mothers often told us to “stop chewing with our mouths open”, or “take a bath because your hair stinks”, or even” throw away that awful shirt”. Our teachers also were quick to point out the mistakes we made on every assignment we turned in. Our coaches or directors sometimes yelled at us when we were doing something wrong.
Now that we are adults we take it personally when someone points out a mistake. We “get defensive” when someone attempts to correct us. Nowadays even judges, in courtrooms, have a difficult time getting the corrective message across to the individual, and eventually send many people, unwilling to change, to a “correction facility”.
Recently I finished participating in a community theater production of The Music Man. It was my first community theater experience and one thing that I found very interesting was the directors “notes” at the end of every rehearsal. At first I took the directors notes very personal. I was “easily offended” by the notion that they were right and I was wrong. But over time I implemented their constructive criticism and changed what I was doing on stage. And, in the end, it was an improvement.
We all need to change something. We just can’t always expect someone else to point it out.
It’s hard to admit when we are wrong, hard to admit we are sinning, and hard to admit we need to change. The mote and beam parable begins to seem more applicable when we use modern day terms.
God loves us unconditionally and He is all knowing. He would be a great source of insight into what we need to fix and change. The scriptures are powerful because they are filled with counsel, admonitions, and instruction. These “directors notes” are applicable to all of us and are less confrontational than talking to a spouse, bishop, or even a shrink.
Change one word in the following verse and you are on your way to figuring out how to fix what is wrong:
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding; in all they ways acknowledge Him, and He shall correct thy paths.”
Sometimes the Lord chastens us to get us to change. But He loves us and that is why He gives us these “notes”.
Of course being retarded isn’t funny, but the idea that there could me something wrong with us, and everyone is avoiding telling us, is kind of humorous.
Maybe what she was really asking was this: Is there something wrong with me and no one is telling me?
If we were facing a physical illness, we would want straightforward answers from a professional. We would want a doctor to diagnose a medical condition, early on, before the negative effects worsened.
Beyond medical advice, sometimes we are reluctant to take advice, and, in a politically correct world, we are hesitant to give it.
When did we grow out of the need for correction in our lives? As a child, our parents were very quick to give us “constructive criticism”. Our mothers often told us to “stop chewing with our mouths open”, or “take a bath because your hair stinks”, or even” throw away that awful shirt”. Our teachers also were quick to point out the mistakes we made on every assignment we turned in. Our coaches or directors sometimes yelled at us when we were doing something wrong.
Now that we are adults we take it personally when someone points out a mistake. We “get defensive” when someone attempts to correct us. Nowadays even judges, in courtrooms, have a difficult time getting the corrective message across to the individual, and eventually send many people, unwilling to change, to a “correction facility”.
Recently I finished participating in a community theater production of The Music Man. It was my first community theater experience and one thing that I found very interesting was the directors “notes” at the end of every rehearsal. At first I took the directors notes very personal. I was “easily offended” by the notion that they were right and I was wrong. But over time I implemented their constructive criticism and changed what I was doing on stage. And, in the end, it was an improvement.
We all need to change something. We just can’t always expect someone else to point it out.
It’s hard to admit when we are wrong, hard to admit we are sinning, and hard to admit we need to change. The mote and beam parable begins to seem more applicable when we use modern day terms.
God loves us unconditionally and He is all knowing. He would be a great source of insight into what we need to fix and change. The scriptures are powerful because they are filled with counsel, admonitions, and instruction. These “directors notes” are applicable to all of us and are less confrontational than talking to a spouse, bishop, or even a shrink.
Change one word in the following verse and you are on your way to figuring out how to fix what is wrong:
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding; in all they ways acknowledge Him, and He shall correct thy paths.”
Sometimes the Lord chastens us to get us to change. But He loves us and that is why He gives us these “notes”.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Are you a Thought Leader?
I have a question for you: Are you a thought leader?
Today, in an effort to shape its future and perhaps its survival, the Deseret News announced that it had created an Editorial Advisory Board of some individuals the newspaper management considers thought leaders.
Newspapers, in general, with subscriptions on a downward trend nationally, are looking for creative ways of maintaining readership during tough economic times. In addition to the economy, the Internet and other technology advancements continue to redefine where people get their information.
After reading the newspaper article about the new board, what I found most striking about the assembly of such a group of individuals was not their background or achievements; it was that not one of the new board members will be employees of the newspaper but will be contributors to the paper. The Deseret News, which may, in the next few days, announce what is rumored to be major layoffs, has bolstered its chance for survival by creating what I call “Super Freelancers”.
Someone once said that when superficial people get together they talk about people. When thoughtful people get together they talk about places, events and things. But when great thinkers get together they talk about ideas.
Maybe it’s about time that newspapers spend less time talking about people, places, events, and things, and invest more quality thought in publishing ideas. Hopefully this board will be a step in that direction.
Which brings me back to the question I have for you: Are you a thought leader?
Recently, I sent to some of my closest contacts some ideas I have for assembling together thought leaders to create a powerful tool to present ideas. I had hoped they would have caught and grasped the power behind collaborative efforts and the synergy and camaraderie that can be obtained by such a group. More often then not, when groups work together their influence is stronger than the sum of its individual parts.
So far no one has responded to my email. I am optimistic, but maybe I lack the motivational influence necessary to organize people. Maybe I'm more of a thought follower than a thought leader.
Either way, ideas are powerful, and when you put a bunch of minds together, amazing things can happen.
Today, in an effort to shape its future and perhaps its survival, the Deseret News announced that it had created an Editorial Advisory Board of some individuals the newspaper management considers thought leaders.
Newspapers, in general, with subscriptions on a downward trend nationally, are looking for creative ways of maintaining readership during tough economic times. In addition to the economy, the Internet and other technology advancements continue to redefine where people get their information.
After reading the newspaper article about the new board, what I found most striking about the assembly of such a group of individuals was not their background or achievements; it was that not one of the new board members will be employees of the newspaper but will be contributors to the paper. The Deseret News, which may, in the next few days, announce what is rumored to be major layoffs, has bolstered its chance for survival by creating what I call “Super Freelancers”.
Someone once said that when superficial people get together they talk about people. When thoughtful people get together they talk about places, events and things. But when great thinkers get together they talk about ideas.
Maybe it’s about time that newspapers spend less time talking about people, places, events, and things, and invest more quality thought in publishing ideas. Hopefully this board will be a step in that direction.
Which brings me back to the question I have for you: Are you a thought leader?
Recently, I sent to some of my closest contacts some ideas I have for assembling together thought leaders to create a powerful tool to present ideas. I had hoped they would have caught and grasped the power behind collaborative efforts and the synergy and camaraderie that can be obtained by such a group. More often then not, when groups work together their influence is stronger than the sum of its individual parts.
So far no one has responded to my email. I am optimistic, but maybe I lack the motivational influence necessary to organize people. Maybe I'm more of a thought follower than a thought leader.
Either way, ideas are powerful, and when you put a bunch of minds together, amazing things can happen.
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