Will You Marry Me?

My sister, Amy, just got married tonight. After the ceremony we celebrated with friends and family with dinner, music, and dancing. It was wonderful night.

Some would say the "I do's" were long over due. But marriage is a big decision because marriage is a big commitment. Before the couple can say "I do," they have to get past the even more serious question:

"Will you marry me?"

This is a big question. It is a deal maker or a deal breaker. For many it takes a lot of guts to "pop the question". The stakes are high. The fear of rejection is very real. Many couples spin their wheels and make no progress in their relationship because they are afraid to face the music and ask the serious question "Do you love me enough to marry me?"

Well Rob and Amy got past the first hurdle. The answer to the question "will you marry me" was obviously a resounding "Yes"! So the "I do's" naturally followed and now my baby sister is married!!

Years from now, like many married couples, my sister and her husband may face some tough times, even marital riffs. Once again the question might be raised, but this time in a very different way:

"Would you marry me again?"

One can only hope that the answer to the question, posed a second time, would have the same resounding "Yes" as it did on that special wedding day.

The secret to answering that question in the affirmative requires that we recognize that we need to fall in love, with our sweethearts, over and over again.

There might be times in a marriage when we don't feel the love, don't love as much, or may not even be in love, at all, any more. During those rough spots it may be difficult if not impossible to answer the question "Yes" when confronted with the idea "Would you marry me all over again, right now, the way you feel about me right now?"

If you can't answer the question "Yes" you have some work to do.

Amy looked so beautiful in her wedding dress. And the groom and his gents were dressed to the hilt and looked their parts.

The attire reminded me of an article I wrote in the Deseret News several years ago about high school proms and my older sisters wedding. Here is the article:

"They were offered a small table next to mine. The teenage boy, helpless from the attention, fumbled to seat his female friend. She was gently pretty sitting in her taffeta evening gown. His tuxedo beamed ceremoniously, conspicuous with a red rose boutonniere. The young woman's corsage, too, was particularly noticeable. It was obvious at first glance: This was a special occasion.

She probably bought her dress, but he may have only rented his tux. She probably would save the beautiful corsage he had bought for her. Promised memories from well-staged pictures would also be captured, saved and framed in her scrapbook.My sister bought her wedding dress. My brother-in-law borrowed his tuxedo from a little, narrow formal wear store.

Thinking back on all the money I've spent on rented tuxedos, I should have bought one by now.

Do men sometimes seek refundable deposits from relationships that could be saved and enjoyed for a lifetime? Should I have purchased a tuxedo as a symbol of my commitment to romance? Perhaps the difference between men and women may not be huge, but a purchased evening gown or wedding dress vs. a tuxedo sent back to the cleaners shows a difference in gender perspectives all the same. Lasting relationships require lasting investments, something often overlooked by men.

All too often some men believe that the dating activity or the event itself is a legitimate effort toward intimacy. But wining and dining a woman almost always reflects a clumsy attempt to bolster rapport, token gestures of closeness.

I believe that some men try to become sensitive to the feelings of the women they date, but sometimes the date activity gets in the way. To a man, getting serious may not always mean commitment but may mean just taking a serious look at an overemphasis on dating formalities, and too little attention to things that really improve the quality of the relationship.

What if we stopped trying to impress women and started trying to communicate with them? If men would just realize that you cannot rent intimacy.

The little couple left a small tip before they shuffled out of the restaurant. I, myself, am glad I took note of them."

In reality, renewing wedding vows is really renewing marital commitments. Relationships require commitment and investment: commitment to get married, and investment to see that the marriage continues to grow.

I wish Amy and Rob all the best in their new adventure together. Keep your relationship growing. And to my lovely wife of 17 years, I answer the question in the affirmative: "Yes, I would marry you all over again."