90 Days

It's been 90 days. Technically its has been 19 months, but the biggest blow came 90 days ago.

I never claimed to be a good father or husband. I am new to these roles and responsibilities. And although I messed up a lot of things in my life, I know I have received tender mercies and blessings along the way.

For the past three months I have spent more time in the temple than I have in the past 18 years combined. I have also spent more time on my knees.

For those who know me and my deep problems, I quietly face each day with a humble heart and a grateful heart. I am so grateful to have every additional day to try to make things better. My only desire is that every member of my family find the happiness that God has in store for them.

I have a little notebook that my daughter Makall decorated with duct tape. Each day I try to write down promptings from the Spirit on what I need to know or do to improve my life. For the past 90 days I have been blessed with insight and instruction, most of which has been constructive criticism on things I need to do to change. It has been very hard to admit and own my problems and weaknesses. Looking in the mirror has often been painful. I have watched myself as the star of my own horror movie. But refinement and polishing doesn't come easy and certainly doesn't come without some discomfort and pain.

I don't know what the next 90 days will bring, or the next 19 months, or the next 18 years for that matter. What I do know is that God has never stopped loving my little family.

Here's to the past 90 days and here's to a better future!