Meet Me in the Middle

I have a friend who is extremely outgoing. She is confident, but she is also very kind. When she walks into the room, people notice her and she does an exceptional job of working the room and meeting & greeting people.

One day my friend said something that shocked me however. She said “I only go half way.” I asked what she meant. She said, “I refused to go more than half way in a relationship. You need to meet me in the middle.” I was taken back. Here is a person who exudes social skills to a perfection, but she isn’t willing to go more than half way?

It later occurred to me that she was right. Relationships should be 50/50. Relationships should balance in the scales. If a person is not going half way then the relationship isn’t balanced. If a person is putting more into the relationship than the other person, then that person is also causing the imbalance. A healthy relationship is a relationship where both parties are doing their own part.

That doesn’t mean that relationships require equal effort, only mutual effort. Relationships are not perfect. There may be a slight imbalance, now and then, but as long as both parties are making a good faith effort to meet in the middle, then the given and take of the relationship balances out the scales in the end.

Some parties do more than their share. Generosity should never be condemned, but if one person is too generous, and practically smothers the other person, then there still is imbalance in the relationship and the person being smothered does not have a chance to give and grow in the relationship.

Marriages, like friendships, require mutual effort. In fact, your spouse should be your best friend in the world. Marriage is more than a contract, but marriage still is a contract. It is a 50/50 contract. Both parties are obligated under the contract to do their individual part.

We have all heard the phrase “equally yoked.” It conjures up an image of two oxen joined together by the yoke. Animals such as oxen are used in many parts of the world to perform heavy tasks such as pulling wagons and plowing fields. A yoke, which is a wooden beam, links the animals at the necks. The yoke is necessary to attach to the weighty matters that are being pulled. The two oxen are necessary to pull the weight together. If the two are equally yoked, both are pulling their share of the weight. If they were “unequally yoked” or unbalanced, they could not work well together as a team. One animal would go ahead or pull most of the weight himself, while the other one would lag behind and get a very sore neck. This concept can be applied to marriage.

But perhaps the most important part about an attempt at being equal is to really look at each other as equals, in every way. Do you look at your spouse as an equal in all things? Even if you think you are better at something or even if you are better at something, I guarantee that your spouse IS better than you at something else. If equal respect would replace ego, the world would be a better place.

It truly is that simple: meeting in the middle requires looking through a lens that sees your spouse as an equal partner, in every way possible.