Monday, December 30, 2013

One Year Ago Today



Someone once said out of every negative situation can come positive possibilities. One year ago, today, a homeless man name Robert, passed away in my parents basement where he had been staying. My youngest brother took it exceptionally hard because it was Ryan who first came across this drifter.

Until that moment I hardly knew my brother Ryan. He is 22 years my younger and I moved out and married before he was 8. One week after Roberts death, Ryan and I took a trip to Paris. A few days after we came home, my sister Amy and I with her husband Rob and Ryan took a trip to Rome. In February, because Ryan was awarded the top sales award at Delta Airlines, he invited me to join him at a company celebration on the Islands of St Kitts and St Barts. I would never have seen these parts of the world without Ryan.

The passing of Bobert, as I affectionately called him, was a tragic end to a sad story. But his passing was the catalyst that introduced my youngest brother to me. Our brother trips gave us a unique opportunity to share some memories. In many ways he has been a brother’s keeper. Ryan has given new meaning to my mantra brothers helping brothers.

2013 was a whirlwind year of trips and travel. In April I took my mother and her sister to Paris and Rome and Venice. In the summer I took my 3 daughters on a trip as well. 

As I close 2013, reflecting on the passing of Robert and the positive connections made with Ryan, I realize that life is short, but life can be sweet.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Thinking of Christ

Today is the 1st of December and yesterday I forgot to buy something I was planning on buying. I forgot to buy a chocolate advent calendar for my children.

All of us have special holiday traditions and for some that means counting down the days until Christmas. As a boy I fondly remember the advent calendar my mother made for us. On it she had sewn a felt flannel Christmas tree and 24 pockets filled with homemade felt Christmas ornaments. Beginning Dec 1st, my sister and I would take turns, decorating the tree with the special ornament we pulled each day from a pocket on the calendar.

Some advent calendars are filled with little chocolates and children count down the days until Christmas by popping open little windows filled with chocolate candies.

Although it isn’t too late to buy a calendar and start counting down the days, the lesson I learned from forgetting the calendar, I believe will help me better remember the true reason for the season.

It is said that we are what we think about most and unfortunately sometimes we forget Christ in our words, actions, and conversations. Thinking about Christ, especially during the Christmas season is what the season really is all about. But with all the hustle and bustle and other Christmas traditions, we sometimes forget who’s birth we are really celebrating.

There is a scripture that states “we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.” 2 Nephi 25:26. In order to talk of Christ and preach of Christ we need to be thinking of Christ more often in our lives.

There is a scripture in Mosiah that states: "For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart?"  Mosiah 5:13.  Perhaps this gives new meaning to that portion of the sacramental prayer that states "Always Remember Him."

It is my hope that I will remember Him each day until Christmas day and every day thereafter.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

The Spouse Trap


One of my favorite games growing up was one that I found in my grandmothers attic.  My sister and I were exploring one day and we found this amazing game that would have belonged to my mother and her siblings when they were young and living at home.  The same game exists today on store shelves with almost identical looking pieces.  The game is called Mouse Trap.

One thing that made this game so interesting to me as a boy was the fun of assembling each part of the elaborate trapping mechanism and the ultimate chain reaction that occurred when attempting to capture the mouse.  Each component was unique and creative but, standing alone, each piece would not have been enough to capture the mouse.

I think I want to write a book called "The Spouse Trap" How to Catch and Keep the Girl. Although not an original title, this slight variation from the fun board game of my youth would be a fun and catchy title.  I realize that spouse catching instead of mouse catching is hardly the same endeavor and is a crude way of talking about courtship and marriage and although I am not a proponent of trapping someone, I am interested in finding the necessary components.

Assembling all the components of good dating, courtship and marriage, is not an easy task.  Neither is finding and keeping an eternal companion.  It used to be that finding an eternal companion was the hard part, but with the ever increasing divorce rate, even in the church, it is clear that finding the right components to keep a marriage intact is more important than ever.

Assembling all the secrets, steps, keys, and pointers of a good marriage into one book would be difficult, if not impossible.  I think of my attempt at finding the many ingredients for a happy marriage more of a project than a manuscript.  And, for those of us who have been divorced, many of the lessons learned the hard way are some of the missing ingredients we lacked the first time around, and maybe they really can’t be learned from a book. 

Still, for me, looking for truth and writing down ideas have become a great source of inspiration and even revelation from God.  The very fact that I am searching for answers to tough questions and problems puts my mind and heart, if I am humble about it, in a better position to learn wisdom from on high about love and marriage. This inspiration if captured and retained in my heart will help me catch and keep the woman of my dreams.

Stay tuned for an excerpt from Chapter One:  To Try or Not To Try. 

  

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Twelve Horses



In the popular children's story, Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs, the little men that took Snow White into their home all had noticeable personality features.  Each character had a character feature, whether it was a strength or a weakness, that easily separated and identified the one from the other.  There was Grumpy, Sleepy, and Sneezy, to name a few.  The prominent feature became the name or nickname of that dwarf.

In a different house, there were twelve brothers.  The House of Israel was divided into twelve tribes because there were 12 sons of Israel.  Perhaps each of the 12 sons of Jacob had a personality feature or character feature that was distinct to that son.

Just as Jacob’s sons were uniquely different with different strengths and weaknesses, we are all children of God and we have our own set of unique talents and gifts.

But we also share some common character features that are universal.  Although these features can be divided many ways, I have chosen to categorize them into 12 areas.

Picture a stage coach being drawn by 12 horses or a sleigh being pulled by 12 dogs, our personalities and characters are driven and pulled by the following 12 forces:

Physical
Mental
Emotional
Social
Spiritual
Sexual
Financial
Personal
Parental
Marital
Patriarchal
Recreational

While two oxen can pull a wagon, sometimes additional strength and energy is necessary.  The word horsepower comes for a time before automobiles when additional horses were added to a stagecoach or wagon to increase the power that comes from adding more horses to a team of horses.  Balancing the load between 12 horses would increase the speed and strength of the transport.

A team of dogs attached to a sled in the Arctic would have a similar effect even though the needs and weather conditions are different.  Dogs can run fast and more dogs would increase the capacity of the load. 

Dogs and horses are harnessed together in two rows.  Each horse or dog is also harnessed next to another dog or horse in a kind of yoke.

When we think of yokes we usually think of wooden yokes and two oxen pulling a covered wagon.  While a yoke can be fastened to two oxen, equalizing or balancing the load pulled by dogs or horses is as important as equally yoking a pair of oxen.  The yoke connects the animals side by side but also balances out the heavy weight of the load.

We each have more than two character categories that require we learn to find balance in our lives.  Our character is pulled by at least 12 of these categories and we can easily over exaggerate a few while neglecting others.  We could be physically fit, for example, but spiritually empty.  We could be in shape financially but be a poor spouse or parent.  We might even excel spiritually or intellectually but be emotionally unstable.  Like the panels of a parachute or an umbrella, balancing isn’t just important but is also essential. Think about how tragic it would be if one of the panels in a parachute didn’t function properly.

Consider the apparatus of an umbrella and all of its working parts.  An umbrella has a canopy that is divided by spokes.  Each spoke is connected to a canopy of fabric and to a wooden or metal stem.  When the umbrella is in working condition, the spokes open and close easily and the fabric is stretched to create a canopy that protects the user from rain, snow and sun.  If the spokes break or the fabric tears, the umbrella becomes ineffective and useless and is usually discarded and replaced with a working model.

The highest and best use of our agency requires that we have self-discipline.  When we discipline ourselves, we strengthen our character and we can strengthen the categories of our character necessary for us to be effective tools in the service of the Lord.  When we manage the sum total of all of our parts, we have balance and that balance creates the synergy necessary to be, among other things, healthy, wealthy, and wise.

We neglect our weaknesses when we ignore them or fail to notice them.  Just as the parts of the umbrella can be easily broken, we can easily get out of balance or sync.  The 12 character components listed above are like cogs and wheels in a fine watch that, when working properly, work in synchronicity with each other.  Over compensating in one area while neglecting another area of our character may not at first seem too detrimental.  The athlete who doesn’t focus on school may have a few good games, or even a professional sports career, but at some point, somewhere in his or her life, the lack of balance will become obvious.  This gives new meaning to the scripture.  “Even as ye sow, so shall ye reap.”


Let us harvest the highest and best use of our character by balancing our attention and self-discipline in all the key areas of our lives so that our lives will work in harmony with His.  “Be ye therefore perfect” becomes a more definable goal when we recognize that there are areas of our lives that we need to improve, and that our God and Creator knows us and understands them and can help us reach them.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Taking a Break from Facebook


I found myself running out of time this week and realized i needed to prioritize and eliminate some things in my life.  I thought about Facebook and the time I spend on it.  Although there have been a lot of good things from Facebook, I decided to publicly give it a break.  Here is what I wrote:

I'm leaving Facebook for awhile. I have probably outstayed my welcome anyway. But I have found new friends and reunited with old friends and have enjoyed keeping up with family. I have also shared thoughts and feelings I have about the Savior and my love for him. People say follow your heart and I think that doesn't mean just do things your own way. I believe that there is a right and wrong to every question. I believe that the light of Christ is given to all men, women and children. I believe the knowledge of good and evil go all the way back to Adam. I know in my heart that there is a God whose Spirit speaks, guides and teaches truth. I have found the love of my life, and with my three sweet girls, I plan to spend the next few months with all of them celebrating the reason for the season. Until we chat again, God be with you:)

Within hours I received 45 likes and 10 comments.  I was also surprised at how many people privately sent me a message saying that my status updates were inspirational and that they would miss me.

Of course I won't leave Facebook forever, I put it off for at time.  That is what missionaries also need to do.  They need to put the past and the future off for a time and devote their whole heart, might, mind, and strength to the work. 24/7.  

Missionaries who were heavily involved in college sports or plan on playing college sports when they come home have a hard time in the mission field because they are thinking about their future.  Missionaries who are home sick for mom, their bed, their friends and their hobbies, have a hard time in the mission field as well.  Missionaries who have girls waiting at home also have a difficult time losing themselves in the work because so many are afraid that while they are gone, they will lose the one they love.  

No matter what the preoccupation, the priority problem almost always manifests itself in the work.  

Just as I am giving up some things to focus more on others, Missionaries are expected to give up, for a time, the things that distract their hearts.  "You cannot serve two masters", the Savior once said, "You cannot serve God and mammon."  In the Doctrine & Covenants, the famous phrase in Section 121 is also on point:  "Many are called but few are chosen because their hearts are set on the things of the world and they aspire the honors of men" which for the missionary also includes women.

The phrase "Sacrifice is giving up something good for something better" isn't just for missionaries, it is for all of us. When we faithfully serve the Savior, with and eye single to His glory, He blesses us in so many ways. 

Farewell Facebook for a season!  Especially the Christmas Season!

Monday, September 30, 2013

The Concept of Closeness

Recently, after attending the Sunday session of a wonderful Stake Conference, I came home to grill some ribs.  Unfortunately, the grill I had been using was out of propane and, because it was a Sunday, I chose not to go to the store.  Although I was out of fuel, I had a backup plan.

My back up plan was to build and use a little metal grill I had purchased on clearance the year before.   Instead of using propane, this new grill required charcoal.

After assembling the dozens of pieces to the new grill, I noticed that the bag of charcoal I had purchased required lighter fluid.  But since I had never owned a charcoal grill before, I had foolishly failed to purchase this important ingredient.

I sent my children thru the neighborhood in search of lighter fuel.  Most of my neighbors use gas grills and none of them had any lighter fluid.  One neighbor found some self-starting briquettes and let me take the bag. 

Even after all the work of building the grill, preparing the ribs, searching for lighter fluid, and acquiring the charcoal, and dozens of attempts to light the briquettes, I hopeless realized I was doing something wrong because the fire wouldn’t start.

We eventually gave up and just used the broiler in the oven to cook the meat, but I was determined to figure out the grill problem and why I couldn’t get it to work.

The very next day I went to the store to buy lighter fluid and a special cylinder to stack the briquettes in.  I had watched my brother in law use a similar device when starting and cooking on his grill.  After making my purchases I rushed home and began the task of preparing the grill.

I filled the cylinder with a good supply of charcoal and I poured the necessary lighter fluid on the coals.  I was excited to see the flames torch the well soaked briquettes and I was even happier to see the charcoal begin to light.

Although I was successful in starting the fire, I made the mistake of pouring out the briquettes too early and I didn’t keep the coals close enough together when I spread them out.  Again, for the second time in two attempts, I failed in lighting the grill.  The fire just went out.

I learned something about charcoal over that two day period. I call it the Concept of Closeness.

Clearly I didn’t understand the chemistry required to build a charcoal fire.  I had built many fires in Ireland while serving a mission so I should have understood the similarities of charcoal to coal or peat.  In Ireland we would use hot coals from the previous stove fire, gather coal from the coal bin the night before, stack the new coals on the old hot coals, and patiently wait until morning for a hot stove.  By morning all the new coals would be red hot and producing an intense heat.  The heat would not only heat the flat, but heat the bath water as well.

It is practically impossible, even with a large dousing of lighter fluid, to light an individual piece of charcoal or coal. Charcoal fires require multiple briquettes. The biggest reason that the charcoal in my little black metal grill did not light the first time was because the briquettes were not stacked close enough to each other.  The science of a charcoal fire is that combustion occurs because of the closeness of the bricks to one another and the air that flows between them after the match is lit.  Stacking the briquettes in a pyramid shape would have allowed the necessary reaction to occur.

However, the reason the fire went out the second time wasn’t because the briquettes weren’t close enough together to light them or to stay lit.  The tool I had purchased to keep the coals close was very effective in starting the charcoal.  The problem was I rushed the process. I just didn’t give them enough time together to really get hot.  And, even when I thought they were hot enough, I turned them too early and did not keep them close enough together once I thought they had fully ignited.

Think of each briquette as a gospel principle.  Individually they are real, and sound, and valuable.  But the collective power isn’t effective unless they are co-mingled and interlaced.  The collective understanding of all gospel principles, together in their entirety,  is powerful and creates the light and truth necessary to grow brighter and brighter like the perfect day.

Like gathering wood for a fire, we gather gospel principles one at a time, here a little there a little.  We learn line upon line and precept upon precept.  Held closely together with enough time for understanding to be developed, these principles expand and the eyes of our understanding open with them.  As we exercise faith and patience waiting, if you will, for “the tree to bring forth the fruit,” the knowledge and understanding grows “an hundred fold”
    
Like the body weight we might need to lose or the muscles we are trying to gain, or the debt we are trying to eliminate, most things change slowly and incrementally over a period of time.  Some things, like growing pumpkins, can’t be rushed.  We must understand the science behind it and patiently wait for the process.

Now think of the coals again with regards to wards, neighborhoods, and communities.  The law of consecration is based on the oneness of a people.  Each individual’s heart is like one charcoal briquette.  The synergy of consecration creates a more powerful community of combined force than ever could be achieved by the individual.  

But it starts in the heart.  Each individual briquette must change. This requires a mighty change of heart.  Think of the charcoals again and a statement made by the Savior himself.  “If you are not one, you are not mine.” 

Like the coals, when the hearts of the fathers  turn to the children and the hearts of the children turn to the fathers, the whole earth avoids a curse and the foundation of Zion is established.  When we are “of one heart and one mind, and dwell in righteousness,” we begin to reach an exalted level of closeness.  

Closeness starts with gospel principles and ends with strong families and communities. It is the path to “a more excellent way”     

Friday, September 27, 2013

The Old Ford Truck & Other Thoughts


Recently, while helping my sister and her husband move, I was attempting to drive my Grandfathers old Ford truck from West Yellowstone to Rigby, Idaho, when the old truck stalled. In the past, this old truck has had several problems, including getting too hot and flooding the carburetor.  When this happens the truck stalls and, like a flooded lawn mower, it takes many attempts to restart the engine.  It’s a race against time as the constant cranking of the starter motor wears on the ignition switch and drains the battery. 

This time was no different.  I attempted, again and again, to start the engine by turning the key in the ignition and firmly holding down the gas pedal.  But the starter motor only ground and growled, over and over again, as it was attempting to spark the engine.  I became anxious as the lights on the truck dimmed and the battery drained.  It didn’t appear that the truck would have enough fuel pressure or power to start the engine.  At the last second, just as battery was failing and the sky outside was darkening, the engine revved its grumbling sounds and the truck was fired up and ready to go.

We often face many time-sensitive pressures in our lives.  Time often runs out and deadlines are missed.  But sometimes, at the last second, just when things appear to be hopeless or lost, doors open and issues are resolved and we get back on the road of life.

For me, courtship and marriage have been like the old Ford truck.  Dating is like turning the key in the ignition, hoping that the engine of the relationship will start.  Many times, however, the dates have gone nowhere while the fuel and battery power have been exhausted.  Hope dims when things don’t take off and go as planned.  But with faith and determination I know that the engine will start, even though it may appear that everything is about to come to an end.

Fog fills our minds in many ways and we are often blind to our true potential.

Ignorance prevails when intelligence fails. If darkness is a cause or caused by ignorance and the glory of God is intelligence, or in other words, light and truth, then light will eliminate darkness when we recognize our own ignorance and sincerely seek pure rays of intelligence. Expand your intelligence with new ideas and eliminate the ignorance of worn out notions.

We really get to know people and they get to know the real us, to the degree we love and trust people, and they love and trust us.

I woke up extra early this morning and received the most profound instruction from the Spirit I have received in a very long time. It is the answer I have been looking for and it affects the relationships of all mankind. It is so rich and delicate and subtle that I have yet to find the corresponding words for it but it is real and has eternal significance.  It is a grand discovery.

There is opposition in all things. For every problem there is a solution, for every disease there is a cure, for every question there is an answer and God knows them all. In fact God would not be a God if he did not know them all. Trust in a God who knows the end from the beginning and knows all things.

Sometimes we learn the most truths from the hard lessons of life. What has been your hardest trial? What significant things have you learned from it?  What about other trials?  What significant things have you learned from them? The greatest problem requires the greatest solution. And we are blessed when we learn great solutions.

Here is the answer: At its core, the great Atonement of Jesus Christ was an act. It required action and reaction. It was a choice. It was a gift. This gift of service had a motivation. It was motivated by compassion, charity and love.  Think about our own actions and choices. Think about how much more significant they would be if motivated by compassion, charity and love.


Like a loneliness that will not go away, making sense of mortality without an understanding of the eternities leaves life empty.  Finding something to believe in that gives you hope. Joy and happiness aren’t just something for Sundays; they are absolutely necessary for life everlasting.  Don’t settle for the catch phrases of the world that tell you that this is all there is so live it up now while you can.  You invest in your eternal future by the decisions you make today.  There is life after death.  Do all that you can today to secure eternal happiness for you and your family.  It will be the best investment you will ever make.