Look in the Mirror

There is a lot of money and effort being utilized to design and manufacture designer clothing.   Clothing makes a fashion statement.  But even more than that, the clothes we wear make a statement about who we are and how we feel about ourselves. Like clothes, the words we say also make a statement.  The words we say, and how we say them makes a statement beyond just the words we use. We should be as meticulous about what we say and don’t say as we are about what we wear. 

When our clothes get stained it’s good to wash them.  When our clothes get torn we ought to mend them or replace them.  When they are wrinkled we ought to iron them. When they are so faded and worn out we often discard, consign, or donate them. 

 Just as we take care of our clothes, we should care for and care about the words we use and the things we say in our texts and tweets and emails and phone calls and other messages we send and receive.  Again the words we use should be as carefully chosen and cared for as the clothes we wear.

Sometimes our carelessness with what we say is a reflection of innocent mistakes or clumsiness on our part.  But, more often than not, our carelessness often reflects something deeper.  When we handle something with dignity and respect, it is reflected in our positive thoughts, actions, and behavior. When we cherish and care for something we usually handle it with care and we take care of it. When we are careless, however, we reflect a level of apathy and indifference; we suggest to the world that what we wear or what we say to other people doesn’t really matter.  Or even worse, perhaps the apathy and carelessness is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves.  If we lack self-respect it is often reflected in our appearance, our attitude, and the words we use.

Communication, like good manners, matters.  We can build and strengthen relationships or we can tear down and destroy relationships if we don’t watch what words we use.

But we can take it to extremes. Sometimes we put too much emphasis on the clothes we wear, the cars we drive, and the mansions we live in.  These are all material things and sometimes we get caught up believing that material things will make a better statement about us.   Materialism is the language of the world.  Too often people hear the language of money instead of hearing the language of the Spirit.  Too often people “set their hearts on the things of the world and aspire to the honors of men”.  Too often people believe that material things will bring them approval, acceptance, fame and attention, and with that fame and approval they will find happiness.

But all material things will come to an end.  Plus, you can’t take material things with you to the next life. But you will take the level of intelligence you have attained to with you.  This will include your character and your emotional intelligence.  If you have squandered the opportunities to develop your character, your talents and other God given attributes, while in mortality, what you will take with you will be reflected in the kind of person you have become.   Those who have obtained a higher level of intelligence in this life will have greater blessings in the next.

Human interaction requires skills and talents.  To relate with others we need to develop the tools necessary to do so.  Like a child that needs to learn to think and to speak in order to function and communicate in society, we all need to continually develop skills of relating and communicating. 

This is clearly obvious in the ever increasing divorce rate.  How we relate to one another, especially husband and wife, requires more skill and attention than we have ever expended before.  Relating isn’t easy but eternal relationships can and do exist, and we can begin to forge an eternal relationship when we invest in ourselves and our ability to communicate with our eternal companions.

Money is at the root of so many dead end marriages because the hearts of those involved often turned to money instead of God or each other to work out the difficulties in a marriage.  Money then becomes part of the problem instead of part of the solution.

There is one priceless commodity that could replace money or material things as the central focus in our marriage and in our lives.  If we replace this one priceless commodity, so much more mending and healing would take place .  That priceless commodity is charity.

Our self-worth is strengthened by our knowledge of our divine heritage and our eternal potential. When we realize we are children of Almighty God, and we have the power to possess divine attributes, we realize we have the power and potential to do great things in this life and become like God in the next.

It is not blasphemy to say that as God is man may become. God knows that it is impossible to achieve divinity in a fallen world. It is fallen man that sneers at the prospect because they know nothing of that God who created them.

It is only though exaltation that man achieves godliness. The power to obtain godhood is held by God and granted by God. What we can obtain and must obtain in this life is a perfect brightness of hope. And that perfect brightness of hope is within reach.

We can hope with all our hearts to become like our Father. It is a sublime act of worship to love Him with all our hearts and want to be like Him.

Developing the divinity within us requires discovering its divine source. This in turn helps us to discover God. The knowledge of God is so important and so crucial that none will dwell with Him that didn’t first know Him. Have the faith to find Him and by your faith and best efforts you will come to know God.

“Didn’t I tell you this is life eternal?”   John 17:3

Self-esteem and confidence build trust. Self-esteem and confidence build greater trust in self, in others, and in God.  Those who are skeptical, critical, and suspicious lack trust and usually lack confidence and self-worth . Those who are suspicious and skeptical and critical usually lack charity as well. They are often negative and bitter and full of prejudice. And prejudice is most often the fruit of low self-esteem and low self-worth.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, how do we feel when we look at ourselves in the mirror? We should pray with all the energy of heart for the pure love of Christ so we can have charity, especially towards ourselves. Understanding this also sheds new light on the truth “even as you have done it unto the least of these ye have done it unto me”.  You are a child of God!  ~Love who you are and love God with all your heart.

There is quiet confidence that is born of meekness and humility not arrogance and pride. Arrogance and pride often resonate from an emptiness of character and are usually an overcompensation for, not a manifestation of, self-worth. Those who are meek and lowly are content that the process of becoming Christ like will require patience, a steadiness and strength of character, and a willingness to forgo the praises of the world for a happy rest that only God can grant. Meekness is rich in capabilities as well as possibilities. It is at the very center of a Christ centered soul.

There is a deeply significant truth about sharing I would like to share with you. Sharing isn’t about giving away everything; it’s about liking something so much that you keep a portion of it and liking someone else so much you are willing to share a precious portion of it with them.

Selfishness, on the other hand, just keeps all of it to oneself. But the opposite is also true: those who surrender everything seldom respect themselves and what they have to offer. Sacrifice is genuine when that portion of what is being sacrificed is being offered at a high cost, not something being taken to the dump or easily discarded.

Therefore the second great commandment is deeply profound because it includes a balance.

            It can be likened to a kind of perfect intonation. A pitch can be sharp or flat without an equalizing effect. A pitch too sharp could be likened unto too much self-love and selfishness. A pitch too flat could be likened unto too much focus on others for approval and validation.  But perfect pitch with regards to loving ones neighbor as oneself is a perfect amount of treasuring who you are and what you have balanced with sharing with someone else, whom you respect and treasure, a portion of yourself.

What is the Worth of a Soul?

There is a scripture that states that "many are called but few are chosen because their hearts are set on the things of the world and they aspire to the honors of men."

I have pondered, at great length, the last part of this phrase “aspiring to the honors of men.” Of all the meanings, including awards, fame, prestige, attention, and other recognition and accolades there is a more subtle meaning that I believe has deep, deep implications.  It has to do with how we see ourselves.

Each of us has emotional needs.  Some of these needs include acceptance, approval, and validation. But sometimes we worry too much about what other people think.  I believe those who are too caught up in worrying what other people think have a deeper problem: they are caught up in attention seeking because they do not realize their own self-worth.  They are trying to fill the emptiness inside them by relying too much on having other people fill their empty cups.  I believe the deeper problem for those who seek too much approval from others is that they are desperately lacking in the ability to love and respect themselves.

Low self-esteem is a difficulty that many have to deal with, but the problem is even more aggravated when they look to others, especially the wrong influences or destructive influences, for approval, acceptance and validation.   They try to please, placate, acquiesce and conform to get the approval, the acceptance, and the love they so desperately feel they need.

The truth is that it starts from within.  There is another truth that states, you can’t fully love others if you don’t love yourself.    Instead of worrying about what everyone else thinks of us, we would do well to consider first what we want or think. Before we can invest in others with our time, love and attention, we must first do the necessary things to invest in ourselves.  Becoming more righteous is the best investment. As we develop Christ-like attributes, we will be filled with love, power, and strength.  And we will be filled with charity, the pure love of Christ and by our fruits the world will know that we have chosen the better part and the more excellent way.

By aligning our mind and will with the mind and will of Our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, our hearts and minds will be strengthened and our confidence will wax strong in the presence of God.  Grace will sustain us in our weakness, and as we trust the Lord, He will help strengthen us to be valiant in our testimony of the Savior as we love and serve our fellow men.  Our light will shine, our harvest will be great, even an hundred fold, and the measure of our lives will testify of our devotion to Jesus Christ.   The abundance of our character will touch and bless the lives of others without drawing unnecessary attention to ourselves.

The worth of a soul is great in the eyes of God.

THE PROMISE OF PURITY OR HALF-RIPENED APPLES AND OTHER THOUGHTS

If you were offered two apples, one half-ripened and the other fully ripened from the same tree, which fruit would you prefer?  Of course the answer appears easy: you would want the fully-ripe apple. But what if you had to wait longer for the second apple to ripen?  What if you had to wait for a considerable time?  Would you have the patience to wait even when the first apple is available and offered to you?

Sexuality could be likened to these two apples.  Although it sometimes appears forbidden, sexuality is not a forbidden fruit: it is a fruit that we must wait for, until we are legally married as husband and wife.  Many times we will be offered, if not tempted, to partake of the half-ripe apple. The world believes that you should taste the half-ripened apple before you get married so you will know if the fruit is desirable and the feelings are mutual. 

Isn’t it logical to assume that those who taste a half-ripened apple before marriage are often disappointed?  There is no guarantee that this is always the case, but those who try to test and see if there is chemistry too early, may have a half-ripened, empty experience. Perhaps they even assume, because it was an empty experience, that there was something wrong with the relationship or something wrong with the other person, or that the chemistry wasn’t there.  Or, like a one night stand, the empty experience proves that while chemistry may have been there for a moment, the chemistry was fleeting and didn’t last. 

Perhaps the greater problem in this isn’t that there isn’t chemistry or a connection, but that the connection is being attempted too early.  Isn’t it logical to assume that, although biological, sex before marriage isn’t in harmony with truth and with the Lord’s admonition that passions and appetites should be reserved within the bounds the Lord has set?    And without truth, life is empty, and there can be no fullness of joy.

When we violate our chastity and our virtue we trade love for lust.

I am perplexed by how so many people around me are blotting out and killing their consciences and the very moral compass that is the only way they can tell right from wrong.    

Individualism fosters moral relativism which breeds moral, sexual, and spiritual rebellion.

Integrity is a true reflection of our character and our conscience.

Wishing things turned out differently is really not an option. Ask yourself this question: Do I want things as they once were, or do I want things as they are now.  Therein lies the answer.

Sometimes love skips along like a skipping stone, and like many relationships, the heart stops skipping and the love doesn’t last.  Each stone is different. Most skip once or twice.  Searching for love is like searching for the right skipping stone, but once you have found it, and believe in it, it has the potential to skip on and last for eternity.

Bless mothers who live in such a way as to set an example of purity and virtue for their sweet, innocent, virtuous girls, bringing peace and giving hope that virtue and honesty and holiness are the purest way to happiness.

How much our Father in Heaven loves us! May His kind and wise influence guide and direct our lives through the light and love of His Only Begotten Son.

Christ is at the Center of an Abundant Life

We see life from a personal and mortal viewpoint.  It is a subjective viewpoint.  Our perception of the world is limited to our knowledge, our conditioning, the light and truth we have received and maintained and even the seemingly limitless reaches of our own imagination.

This personal subjective perspective is flawed, of course, because we are mortal, ignorant of so many things, and obstinate and opinionated by so many others.  We see life with very limited lenses, when we perceive the world subjectively.

God, however, is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent.  Our Father and our Savior see things from an Eternal and objective perspective.  The scriptures teach that man’s ways are not God’s ways and God’s thoughts are higher than man’s thoughts.

Expanding our subjective view of reality to see “things as they really are and as they really will be” is greatly enhanced by prophecy and revelation from God.  Without prophesy and revelation, we would be left to our own strength, and left to see things from a very poor point of view.   But through the power of the Holy Ghost, our vision of the world around us can become clearer and deeper and viewed from an eternal perspective.

As with all truth, prophecy and revelation most often come “line upon line, precept upon precept.”  It is gradually given to allow us the opportunity to expand our capacity to understand it and our responsibility to live it.  We invite prophecy and revelation into our lives by obedience and through the instrument of prayer.  When we pray to our Heavenly Father we are initiating a connection to Heaven, and if our hearts are open and pure, God will answer our prayers with revelation.

Perspective has been described in many different ways and with many different metaphors.  Take the proverbial “glass half full/half empty” metaphor.  Those with a positive perspective see the glass as half full and those with a negative perspective see the glass as half empty.

But perhaps this metaphor can be taken one step further. In addition to the above application, it is also possible to see a glass half full with an abundant perspective and a glass half empty with a scarcity perspective. In other words, those who view the world as a world full of abundance will see the same glass as half full and those who view the world from a scarcity point of view will perceive the glass as half empty.

If we see the world with an objective and abundant point of view, we can’t help but see it with a cheerful and grateful perspective.  The Lord has blessed us with so much, and there is so much the He has to offer.  But even more than this, if we view Almighty God as a generous and loving God, we will be open to the bountiful spiritual blessings and gifts He is waiting to send us.  We will recognize that God gives liberally to those who ask in faith, and to the righteous,  he promises ”mansions on high,” yes, and even promises “all that He the father hath.”

But if we let fear and doubt and scarcity creep into our lives, if we let the poison of scarcity thinking fill our minds and hearts, we begin to panic and worry that supplies of good things will run out.  We become less generous and more jealous.  We stop looking at life with an objective perspective and see life from a “what’s in it for me” point of view.  Over time our scarcity mentality really becomes a hyper selfish mentality and we take more than we give and bury our talents and hide our light under a bushel.  The cloud that hangs over those who are selfish and stingy expands and balloons into a full blown storm  of darkness.  Like the dark ages where things really were more scarce, this modern day dark age is a sad, subjective reflection of selfish people so in need of meeting their own needs, first and for most, that they fail to realize that God really does reward those  who serve and magnify their lives, and pours down  prosperity and blessings  insomuch that there isn’t room enough to receive them.

Loving and serving the Lord doesn’t take away or distract from reality, it gives depth and purpose to it. Happy is the disciple who lives what he or she believes and thrives and prospers in the process, for Christ is at the very center of an abundant life

The Man At The End Of The Train

I recently took a trip with my mother and my aunt to Europe.  During the trip we made several public transit mistakes.  The first mistake included getting on the wrong train.  A few days later, not learning our lesson from our earlier mistake, we boarded a wrong bus headed in the wrong direction.  Even after these two mistakes, on the last day of the trip, we got on the right bus but got off at the wrong stop.

The miracle, after each mistake, was that there was, miraculously, someone at the end there to help us.  At the train stop, for example, my mother went up to last person on the train and began trying to explain our plight. It literally was the last stop of the train, and we had gone miles and miles in the wrong direction.  But, it just so happened that the man at the end of the train was an American living in Paris who spoke English, and was able to immediately understand and help us.  We just needed to ask for help.

A few days later we repeated our mistake.   This time, we were in Italy not France.  This time it wasn't a train it was a bus.  When we realized we were on the wrong bus, it was too late to change and the bus took us to the train station.  But, again, not only was there a stranger there at the train station to help us, the Russian stranger we meet also understood English, and helped us find our way.  He was the only person left in the train station, the only one.   The young Russian went out of his way to help us and even went with us, for most of our journey, to help us find where we needed to go.   We just needed to ask for help.

On the last day of the trip, we finally paid attention to the signs on the bus and boarded the right bus going to our destination.  However, we missed our bus stop and ended up at the airport.   From the airport, not knowing what bus to take, we started a long walk in the direction of our destination. As we walked it began to rain. Just as the rain started, a shuttle bus, going directly to our hotel, just happened to drive by us at the right moment, and graciously pulled over when we waved it down.

Without these Samaritans at the critical junctures on our journey, we would have been left in some serious predicaments.  It would be easy to wave off the encounters and pure coincidence and luck, but the blessing that came from help from others was also, unmistakably, help from Heaven as well.

There are many lessons that can be learned from these experiences.  Miracles, Samaritans, asking for help, answers to prayers are at the top of the list.  But perhaps the greatest lesson I learned is just how easy it is to get lost by getting off the right path.

More often than not truth is a very narrow path that, without divine direction, is easy to depart from. It is so narrow that, sometimes, the slightest altering of facts or subtle shifts in attitude and opinion can divert us from truth and send us down the wrong path.  Misinformation and misunderstandings are just as dangerous as falsehood and lies.  This is true, not because the information is any more or any less evil, but because regardless of the intention, when information isn’t right, it can lead us in the wrong direction.

Remember just because something isn’t evil, doesn’t mean it isn’t wrong. 

Mistakes aren't always sins, but they are still wrong choices. We can choose to get on the wrong train. 

And just because we didn’t know something is wrong doesn’t make it right. False can never be true, right can never be wrong, regardless if we didn’t know or believe it. Many people marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons, for example, because there was no resistance and they missed the warning signs along the way. The honest in heart seek guidance to know right from wrong, they do not ignore it or openly rebel against it, The honest at heart are humble enough to ask for help and humble enough to accept advice. 

Maybe now is the time to interrogate yourself and ask the right questions.  What am I doing that is wrong? Am I on the wrong path?  Who can I ask for help?

Asking the right questions can help us to recognize that there are things we are doing that are wrong and we may not even know it.  When we give wrong answers on tests we rarely intentionally chose to give wrong answers. We simply make mistakes. We can easily mistake right from wrong and choose to choose what is wrong. Sometimes we just choose, by mistake, to get on the wrong train.  

Life is as much about learning how to avoid mistakes as it is about learning from mistakes when we make them. Righteousness is a combination of resisting and repenting of sin. Righteousness is like a kind of safe driving.  And safe driving includes defensive driving, a skill of dodging other drivers and obstacles.  Therefore, driving, like so many other things in life, requires skill and strategy. Traveling, for example, also requires skill and strategy. Travel includes places to see and places to avoid.

As it is with most things in life, in order for things to run smoothly things require effort and planning. Goals are a gold mine of good planning.

Good travel requires good decision making, sometimes on the fly, but more often with well thought out considerations and careful planning.  Successful trips usually require careful planning and while some success comes from last minute or spur of the moment decisions, most trips are the result of countless hours of rate checking, map studying, budgeting, forecasting, and adjusting, because failing to plan ahead ruins more trips than the rain.  If fact someone once said there is no such thing as bad weather only poor planning.   Think of all the effort we put into house plans, wedding plans, and travel plans. If we put so much effort into planning these important but temporal events in our lives, why do some put so little thought and attention into dating and marriage? Our success rate in marriage is revealing. Our marriage failure rate is indicative of something, that something is wrong with the process.

Like those who try to wing a trip with poor planning, those who try to wing a relationship are also usually disappointed.  Winging it means doing without forethought or planning.  Winging it often includes unnecessary risk. Winging it also includes refusing to ask for directions or help. Because our culture places too much emphasis on falling in love, instead of building a loving eternal relationship, the elements of chance, risk taking and gambling are glamorized over spiritual guidance, prayful consideration and direction, and honest introspection and careful observation.

When all is said and done, however, there are some things you just can’t plan for.  We can make emergency preparations for calamities, but we rarely can forecast and plan for them.  Many of the calamities in marriage are the result of a change that comes over people, often many years after the wedding day. Just as there can be a mighty change of heart for the good, there can also be a mighty change of the heart towards iniquity.  Just as the spiritual mighty change of heart may be more of a growing process than an event, those who grow closer and closer to iniquity often change undetected and unnoticeable over time.  The drastic change in their character seems remarkably drastic and sometimes shocking when it is revealed, but usually the change happened slowly over time.

But, like cancer, by the time the wickedness or negative changes surfaces, it is hard to reverse the damage or stop it.  Those who rejoice in iniquity usually don’t care at that point or won’t admit at that point that they are doing anything wrong anyway.  They have seared consciences that have gradually and slowly and imperceptibly gone dark over time, and their rebellious refusal to repent and to change is the result of years and years of denial not a dramatic change or single event. Those who refuse to change and repent now simply find more joy in rejoicing in iniquity.

No matter how giddy they may be, they do not feel real joy, or the eternal joy that is promised in scriptures.  Wickedness never was happiness. They may feel a sense of merriment, however. They can now eat, drink and be merry, because it is so very easy to be a sinner and it feels like so much fun to sin. 

But the scriptures teach us to rejoice not in iniquity but to rejoice in truth. To understand what it means to rejoice not in iniquity, may require that we understand and recognize when we or others rejoice in iniquity. When we celebrate evil things we rejoice in iniquity. When we enjoy things that are wrong or enjoying doing what is wrong we rejoice in iniquity. When we refuse to admit when we know something is wrong or choose to remain ignorant to actions and behaviors that are wrong we rejoice in iniquity. When we deny that right or wrong even exist in the first place or deny the clear facts that something is wrong, we rejoice in iniquity and we are dangerously in the wrong and are heading in the wrong direction, we may even be on the road towards denying the very reality and mission of Jesus Christ. 

Just because something tastes good, looks good, smells good, or feels good, doesn’t means that it is right. Just because we enjoy doing something that is wrong doesn’t make it right.

Remember false can never be true, wrong can never be right, regardless if we didn’t know or believe it.

But there is a miracle available to us after every mistake that we make. There is someone at the end waiting to help us.  Even if it feels like it is literally our last stop, and we have gone miles and miles in the wrong direction, there is someone there who understands and can help us.  We just need to ask Him for help.

Someone Stopped to Listen

Yesterday I arrived early to the adult session of Stake Conference.  I found a seat on the last bench in the chapel.  As I tried to make myself comfortable, it became obvious to me and to others that I had come alone.  

I watched for over a half hour as couple after couple entered the room.  Occasionally a few widows from my ward would pass me, but mostly it was married couples that made their way, together, into the chapel.

Across the chapel, and entering from different locations, I recognized several familiar faces.  I saw many faces of people who had passed my way in life. 

Well the meeting started and I continued to sit alone. The Spirit was sweet as we listened to the various speakers. Then one of the counselors in the Stake Presidency spoke about the Good Samaritan, showed a church video adaptation of the story, and then asked for members of the congregation to give examples from their own life.

I was prompted to comment, but I did not. Immediately my mind was flooded with the Spirit and I began to tear up.  “You are not alone,” came the soft sweet voice.  “For tonight you are surrounded by friends.”

  

If I had been given a chance to bear testimony about a Samaritan moment in my life I would not have been able to choose just one, for in that very audience were many people who had been Samaritans to me.

  

In that room was a quorum member who didn't really know me, but during my darkest hours, would somehow know the right Friday to call me up and ask me to lunch.  In that room was a sweet couple who had practically adopted me as a son and contacted me daily to talk and to listen.  In that very room was a home teacher who faithfully came regularly and gave more than just lessons.  He also had been through a divorce, but was happily remarried and provided encouragement and hope during my most painful moments.

Samaritans come into our lives for many reasons, but the lesson I learned that night was that Good Samaritans listen.  They listen to the Spirit to know when to stop and save souls.  But they are also there to listen to those who are lost, broken and hurting. 

We live in an age where communication tools are so prevalent, but are we passing by without paying attention, are we passing up opportunities to really opening up our hearts to hear those who sometimes just need someone to talk to--they just need someone to listen.

Before the meeting a former member of my ward did stop to ask how I was doing.  Birth had deprived her of some mental faculties and her ability to communicate was clearly impaired, but her heart was pure and her loving kindness was apparent as she asked how I was coping and wanted me to know that she cared so much and wanted to help in any way.  

I left the meeting alone but I left the meeting rejuvenated by the memories of true friends and the message from the speakers and the Spirit that we can mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort, if we do as the Samaritan and the Savior did, and stop and listen.

To Robert

Sunday morning, December 30th around 9am a homeless man died in my parents home of health complications. Robert was only 52. My mother had taken him in since April. He had been divorced twice and his second wife had just remarried. He had children from both marriages that he rarely got to see. Robert died as much from a broken heart as a failed heart. 

He served his country for years in uniform, and was helpful to my mother as a handy man doing odd jobs to help around the house. When I arrived at the scene, several police cars parked along the road and the officers inside the house asked questions, took pictures, finally carried out the body and left. We were left with lots of questions, lots of tears, and lots of quiet moments of reflection. We reflected on the few good moments with this humble man, and realized he was "one of the least of these". 

May Robert's memory forever remind us that people need love and attention and help and understanding. No one is perfect, but no one should be left behind or alone. I spent enough time with Robert to know him well enough to miss him, and long enough to realize his life was cut short and he missed out on many of the good things life has to offer. His life now is in God's hands, the same God who holds our lives in His hands and holds us accountable for what we do with our life.

To Robert