The Root Of All Evil

This week saw the warmest days of the year. Spring is definitely here and summer is not too far behind. Yesterday I noticed a lot of yellow flowers in my yard, but they aren't daffodils. The bright little yellow flowers, popping up all over my grass are dandelions!

So I went to the store trying to find a little dandelion tool like I used as a kid. A tool I used to fork out all the dandelions from my parents grass. I couldn't find the digger at the first store I went to, so I went to another store, a local home improvement store, and found both a dandelion digger and some weed b gone spray.

As I set out to remove, one by one, each dandelion cluster from my front lawn, I remembered, as a small boy, trying to get the dandelions out of my parent’s lawn. As a boy I learned, over time, that the weeds were easier to pull out of the ground, if the earth was moist. If I waited until midday when the ground was dry and hot, it was practically impossible to pull out the weeds.

Sometimes I did not pull out the weeds before I mowed the lawn. I would just skip that task. And, when the lawn was freshly cut, no one could tell there had been any weeds at all.

But within only a day or two, the weeds would return, sometimes in greater numbers, and they always grew faster than the grass.

When my mother realized what I had done, she would promptly send me out again to the lawn to pull weeds.

But the second attempt was often as futile as the first. This time, instead of mowing down the weeds, I would just pull off the tops of the weeds.

At first glance, it looked like I had successfully removed the weeds. But in a day or two there would be compelling evidence, all over the lawn: a new crop of weeds would implicate me for my carelessness.

My mother would send me out again, but this time she would follow me, saying things like “If you had done it right the first time you wouldn't be doing it again.” I watched her pull a few weeds, sometimes with a tool, and sometimes with just her bare hands. As she pulled the weeds she would often say. “if you want to get rid of the weed, once and for all, you have got to pull from the roots.”

Over the years I have often thought of my mother’s statement while pulling weeds in my own yard. I would reflect on her words “Pull from the roots” over and over again. Getting to the root of our problems is a very difficult task, without the help of our Heavenly Father. There are so many things we are ignorant of, and if we aren’t careful, they will be to our demise.

Money is one of those obstacles. Another is sexuality.

The scriptures cite that “money is the root of all evil”. Another way of saying this is “the love of money is the root of all evil.” Getting to the root of a money problem is more than just numbers and balance sheets however.

Money can be the means to an end but can never be the end itself. Money or the lust for money cannot bring happiness. We can be deceived by jealousy and greed, selfishly thinking that money and material things will make us happy, but there is another subtle deception: we can also be deceived if we think that money and material things will make others happy. We can throw money at others and at our problems and spend money and buy things for others, thinking that gifts and gold and trips and yachts and massive homes and expensive toys will bring permanent happiness, but trying to please others with what money can buy is a fleeting and fruitless endeavor. For like happiness, money can't buy love either.

Remember not having money or enough money can be just as negative as hoarding wealth. Fear of scarcity of money, jealousy of others and their material possessions, greed in always wanting more are also negative emotional attachments. Even the tightwad and the miser have emotional attachments about not wanting to give up or lose any money. Being stingy is not about the money or possessions, it is an emotional response about not wanting to share. Selfishness is an emotional inversion that steals happiness.

Similar to the endless pursuit of money to use to try and please others is the endless pursuit of money to use to try and impress others. Showing off wealth is a sure sign of weakness. Identity and individual self-worth or self-esteem should never be tied to what we have. This is just another hollow attempt at happiness based on misplaced priorities and pursuits. We are worth so much more than our bank accounts and our real estate

We are of infinite worth to an Eternal God who loves us unconditionally and eternally and blesses us abundantly.

And bargain shopping, while a noble aspiration, can become something akin to hoarding with incessant trips to yards sales, flee markets, and thrift stores. Especially if what is wanted is really something emotional and not something tangible.

What are we shopping for? Something of value or validation?

Like the lust for money, the lust for passion also is a difficult temptation.

The reward centers of the brain drive certain behaviors, and sexual appetites and passions are included. It is the wanting that drives much of these behaviors. In reality desires are simply intense wants. Because we live in such an instant gratification society, sexuality often falls victim to the same immediate and demanding expectations.

Chastity is moral control over ones desires, passions, and appetites. We have more control over our sexuality than we think. Even if there is a fine line or a blurred line between what we were born with and what we develop in this life, our sexual expression can and should be controlled. No matter how tempting sexual sins might be, we have God given agency over our sexuality. Remember to bridle ones passions isn't to repress or eliminate them, but like the bit in the mouth of the horse, we bridle our passions when we direct or redirect them in the proper expression.

There is opposition in all things. The opposing forces of chastity and sexuality can create a positive balance that fosters love instead of lust and self-discipline instead of instant gratification and indulgence.

Restraint is a positive tool in building a loving relationship. As the anticipation for intimacy builds, so too can the power to resist. Like a kite and kite flier holding the string, two great forces of good, in total opposition, are working in tandem to create the greater good.

Not all roots are bad. Righteous roots are good moral anchors in our lives.  If we are rooted and grounded in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, money and sexuality will not be divisive forces in our lives.

There is Sweetness in Meekness.

One of the great technologies that has been around for a while but one that I use and benefit from every day is digital scanning. I simply scan in a document and, after the proper steps of unloading and saving onto my computer, I have a digital copy of an original document. I can then use the internet to send these documents to county offices almost anywhere in the United States.

The steps in the creation of a digital document are far more simple than the steps it took to create the world. But the 6 days of creation and my digital documents have at least one thing in common: creating them was done with wisdom and in the proper order.

There are so many step by step things in our lives that it isn't hard to imagine that we can start chain reactions of cause and effect in our own personal lives with many little things we do. We create our own destiny.

We also have the power to create relationships between people.

Daily interplay between people involves connecting on many levels. Each connection requires a contact. Each contact requires a approach. An approach like a call, a text, a touch, a wink, a kiss, or a warm embrace. Even yelling across the room at someone is an attempt to connect.

With every approach there is an initial reaction. A contact creates a trigger or a reaction. This reaction could be an over reaction. If it is an over reaction, especially a negative one it can cause a chain reaction.

Initiating and reciprocating between people affects regions of the brain, and no matter what region of the brain is affected, initiating and reciprocating can cause a mutual spontaneous combustion of chemical releases in the brain. Between sweethearts it is aptly called "chemistry" for that reason.

Chemistry can also be negative however.

If the approach results in negative tension instead of positive tension or combustion, then a form of contention begins to develop between people. Contention is negative energy. It is like a form of emotional inversion that sets in and clouds the relationship.

Combating negative energy or negative tension may be as simple as taking a simple time out. We tell our toddler's when they need to take a "time out" Sometimes we, as adults, also need to step away from the contention by taking a time out.

The chemistry of the body can also be involved in the time out. The human body needs at least a 90 second time out to flush the hormones, neurotransmitters,adrenaline, and endorphin from the system. Anger often takes longer to leave the system.

Cognitively, the time out allows for more rational based thinking as well. Since chemicals like adrenaline and dopamine are triggered by feelings which can be triggered by negative outside influences as well, taking time out clears emotive regions of the brain that have been bathed and flooded by mood altering serotonin and other neurotransmitters.

Reconnecting after the timeout is necessary to avoid burying the feelings and not resolving the triggers that trigger them.

Chemical reactions are also triggered by fear. Although fear exists to help warn and protect us from harm, most fear is unrealistic and unwarranted. It is the result of a distorted perspective. These false fears are based on false notions of what is real. False fears are often fueled by imagination not truth.

Another type of inversion is emotional attachment. When we emotionally attach to an object, like a fancy car, or a yacht, or money itself, our mind and heart are too focused on material things that don't really matter in the eternal scheme of things. Not having money or enough money can be just as negative as hoarding wealth. Fear of scarcity of money, jealousy of others and their material possessions, greed in always wanting more are also negative emotional attachments. Even the tightwad and the miser have emotional attachments about not wanting to give up or lose any money. Being stingy is not about the money or possessions, it is an emotional response about not wanting to share. Selfishness is an emotional inversion that steals happiness.

A carnal and natural man or woman is a man or woman who violates his or her values to feed his or her lusts. He or she focuses on passions instead of principles, seeking the things of the world instead of the things of God. He or she follows his or her own agenda instead of God's agenda.

Some of these agendas are hidden agendas. Ulterior motives are a type of hidden agenda. True intentions are often masked behind facades of deception. A con artist intends to trick and con his or her victim with deceit and dishonesty. But ultimately the con artist is the one who is tricked by the diabolical scheme of the devil, the father of lies, who wants us to be miserable like unto himself. Seemingly innocent lies can literally metastasize over time taking a life there own. Secret combinations don't always start out as society's destructive downfall; they can simply begin with ulterior motives.

Unhappiness is not someone else's fault. And happiness is not about getting your own way. People often want things a certain way and want to be right. When things don't go their way they tend to freak out in an attempt to voice their displeasure or an attempt to force things their way. This over reaction is a kind of temper tantrum. It creates contention and negative energy. If it has worked in the past it will more likely be used again. Having things work out in our best interest is always a worthy aim when it is fair and when it is realistic. Taking things too personal is more often the fault of the offended than those who did not intend to offend.

One sad result of low self esteem is we tend to judge and criticize others. In reality it may also be an underlying cause of our low self esteem. Finding fault in others weakens our own character even if, in some twisted way, we feel prideful and superior to others. The commandment to love others as ourselves implies that we love and respect others and we love and respect ourselves. Those who can praise others will indeed feel better about themselves. Those with feelings of positive self worth have an abundance of positive feelings to share with others. These positive feels will equate to positive energy. When you truly love yourself you can easily love others. When you genuinely love others you will feel more love.

In addition to love, there is another character trait that can help combat the negative chain reactions in our lives. That trait is meekness.

Meekness is a strength not a weakness. Meekness is a strength to help us recognize and face our weaknesses. It is a strength because true meekness recognizes the need for God in our lives , and ultimately His loving and helping hand. Meekness is often an outgrowth of adversity. Those who are meek have humbly weathered life storms and consider themselves blessed.

The meek are grateful through the good times and patient through the bad times, never losing sight of the eternal plan of happiness.

There is sweetness in meekness.

The Groundhog Saw Something

Happy Groundhogs Day!!

51 years ago my parents got engaged on this day!

It is also the first day of the 12 Days of Valentines. A wonderful little tradition I no longer implement.

And it is also the birthday of an old missionary companion and friend. Happy Birthday David Holt!

February 2nd is a fun kind of day!

Unless you are a Bronco's fan.

Since groundhogs day was also on a Sunday, I had a lesson to prepare. I spent the early morning hours of the day pondering on my lesson. And, while preparing for my Sunday School lesson, I received from the Spirit an amazing insight for my lesson and for life. It was an "aha" truth of the day.

The first thing the Spirit posed was a question:
"Is there a plan?"

As I thought about this question I thought about my recent weekend in California with my family. For this trip, unlike some trips I have taken, there was a plan. In fact it was a very specific, time sensitive, secret plan. My girls and I had been planning it for months.

And we only had five days to complete the task. Lucky for us, in addition to Saturday and Sunday, the girls had Monday, January 20th off and Tuesday January 21st was Davis County teacher prep/career ladder day.

So we scheduled each stop and knew exactly where we needed to be and when we needed to be there. Of course traffic, weather and other factors would alter things a bit, still we stayed true to the schedule and everything worked without a hitch.

Speaking of hitch, it was the beginning of getting hitched!

Life isn't a random and chaotic fluke that is the result of a big bang or latent evolution. Life is a grand plan of Divine design, and we are the children of God and have been give a plan for our redemption. We just need to find and follow it.

The Spirit further guided my lesson with the following thoughts:

Like a scientist that proves things by testing and becomes an expert, learning things by text book isn't enough, we must experience and test for ourselves; to prove all things and hold fast to that which is true.(1 Thessalonians 5:21)

In fact life is a test. We are the experiment. We learn line upon line as much, if not more, by experiment as by study.

In Alma 32, Alma tells us to "experiment" on the word.

Another key word is "try".

From Alma we read:  "And now, as the preaching of the word had a great tendency to lead the people to do that which was just—yea, it had had more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword, or anything else, which had happened unto them—therefore Alma thought it was expedient that they should try the virtue of the word of God." (Alma 31: 5)

"But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words." (Alma 32: 27)

"Behold I say unto you, Nay; neither must ye lay aside your faith, for ye have only exercised your faith to plant the seed that ye might try the experiment to know if the seed was good." (Alma 32:36)

Note that experiment and experience have the same root word.

Again from Alma, but this time the words of Amulek:

"My brethren, I think that it is impossible that ye should be ignorant of the things which have been spoken concerning the coming of Christ, who is taught by us to be the Son of God; yea, I know that these things were taught unto you bountifully before your dissension from among us. And as ye have desired of my beloved brother that he should make known unto you what ye should do, because of your afflictions; and he hath spoken somewhat unto you to prepare your minds; yea, and he hath exhorted you unto faith and to patience Yea, even that ye would have so much faith as even to plant the word in your hearts, that ye may try the experiment of its goodness, And we have beheld that the great question which is in your minds is whether the word be in the Son of God, or whether there shall be no Christ. And ye also beheld that my brother has proved unto you, in many instances, that the word is in Christ unto salvation."  (Alma 34:2-6)

We learn in the temple that Adam and Eve sought further light and knowledge and learned by their own experience good from evil.

A testimony of God is more than what you think of Him, it is experiencing Him.

How important then is experience? Look to the following scriptures for the answer

"And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us." (Roman 5:3)

"And now behold, I ask of you, my brethren of the church, have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts? "(Alma 5:14)

"And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." (D & C 122:7)

From the LDS Guide to the Scriptures comes instruction about wisdom: "A person gains wisdom through experience and study and by following God’s counsel. Without God’s help, man does not have true wisdom (2 Ne. 9:28; 27:26)."

Finally from Psalms:

"For thou, O God, hast proved us: thou hast tried us, as silver is tried." (Psalms 66:10)

Therefore life is a test, God will prove us to see if we are true and faithful. We will prove Him by Faith, His word, and by our own experience. Life is a proving period and a proving process. "We will prove them herewith" (Abraham 3:25) and "by their own experience" we will see if they choose light over darkness.

Perhaps the highlight of the day was that I was able to bear testimony today in church of the Lord's plan of happiness. I am grateful to a God for sharing so much of His wisdom. Today I had many "aha" "eureka" "lightbulb" epiphanies that literally moved paradigms and shifted my perspective.

The groundhog wasn't the only one who saw something today.

Promise and Possibilities

Tonight I did something I haven't done in awhile. I watched a documentary. It was about Mitt Romney. A behind the scenes look at his two failed campaigns to become President of the United States.

There was no commentary or voice overs, just raw dialogue between Mitt and family. It was a penetrating look at the effort to run and the pain of loss.

I once wanted to run for office, be a politician, be a church leader, even a general authority type, but 48 years have past and I am mostly past my prime.

But life is still full of promise and possibilities, and I am so very excited for something else to look forward to, or really someone else to look forward to. If you didn't know already, I have found a soul mate and have asked her to be my eternal mate! I now pledge my allegiance and love to Shannon, my one true love. She has given life new meaning and purpose and I am thrilled beyond measure to make her my life and spend the rest of my life with her.

Perhaps it came as no surprise when I asked her, but the way I asked her was a surprise. We had been dating for six months but I had been planning the proposal for quite some time. I innocently invited her and her two daughters to join me and my three daughters on a weekend trip to Las Vegas. Little did they know that that wasn't the real destination. After one night in Vegas at a motel, I told them we must get up early and load the car so we can move to a better hotel. But after the car was loaded I insisted that we first do some shopping in Primm. Nevada.

When we got to Primm, the Outlet Mall was closed. I acted surprised and said "let's go a little farther to the outlet malls of Barstow California."  And, as planned, the Barstow outlets are a ghost town of their former glory, so when we arrived and shopped for only short time I said "let's just go back to Primm because the Outlets will be open by now."

But when I got on the freeway, I headed the car in the opposite direction. It took only a matter of seconds for Shannon to notice and let me know I was headed the wrong way. Then, on cue, Macee said"Let's go to the beach" Shannon and Abby and Amanda were so excited for the beach, but that was only half the surprise.

I told them we needed to stop at my favorite Chinese restaurant first. I pretended to be lost and needed Shannon to find it's Fullerton California location on GPS. When we pulled in the parking lot, I distracted the group as McKenna, my oldest daughter, went in to the restaurant with specially made fortune cookies we had brought with us.

When the coast was clear we all went in and ate the wonderful Chinese food. After we were done, one of the staff brought out our chocolate dipped fortune cookies which, to their surprise, were filled with all the same fortune inside. The fortune was written in a Disney Font. It read: "Dreams Do Come True In The Happiest Place On Earth"!

Tears of excitement flowed as I handed an envelope to all six at the table. Again, with names written in Disney handwriting, we opened our individual envelopes to find passes to Disneyland and California Adventure!

Our next stop was the beach for a beautiful sunset. We could hardly sleep at the Anaheim Marriott that night because we had a very big day ahead.

The next day was a holiday and the parks were crowded, but we still had a wonderful day at both parks. Although it was January, the temperatures were in the 80's. 10 degrees warmer than usual! I was able to break away from the group long enough, in the morning, to ask for help with my proposal plan, and, just before dark, as the plan finally was able to unfold. Then around 9:00 pm we went to the World of Color light and fountain show where I had specially arranged VIP seating.

During the amazing visual animated water spectacle, there is a scene where Belle says, so tenderly, to the Beast " I love you". Immediately after, there is a lull of silence just before the big finale.

So right after Belle announced her love for the Beast, I went down on my knee, and with all 5 girls watching and cheering,  I asked Shannon to marry me! With tears of pure joy streaming down her cheeks, she said "Yes"!

The finale was everything we had hoped it would be and we left the park deeply in love and feeling like a family.

Life is full of wins and losses. I have experienced both. But I have never experienced such joy and hope as I have for the past 28 weeks, and that special night in Disneyland.

Our goal is the temple, and the date is June 13th!

It's How You See It

Life is not what it looks like, it is how you see it. It is not what is in the picture, but how you view it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder because what we perceive matters the most to us.

We are byproducts of our upbringing and life experiences. Our behavior is shaped by what believe and how we were raised. Our belief system and value system are shaped early in our life and so much of how we act is based on our conditioning. We can't escape all early influences but we are not destined by them. We have more choice over our lives than we take advantage of and, in they end, how we finished life will be much more important than how we started it.

The argument isn't over who is right and who is wrong it is how they are right and how they are wrong. The world asserts it's beliefs and it's science; we assert our beliefs and our revelations. "I was born that way" or "I cannot change" are arguments purporting science. But God is the ultimate author of what is right and what is wrong, not science. And God speaks truth through revelation. Science is valuable but it is the new Tower of Babel.

Faith in Jesus Christ is the greatest answer since Christ is the greatest solution. With God all things are possible and He wants to help us with all of our problems. We just need to have the faith to believe.

God manifests His divine love to us through an abundance of love and inspiration. Even chastening is evidence of His unlimited love for us. Our welfare is His welfare: it is His work and His glory.

Following Christ is not a casual but continual process.

It is in the qualifying and receiving of the Holy Ghost that we are refined. That mighty change of heart is both literal and possible because God's amazing grace attends His Holy Spirit as the Holy Spirit attends to us. Infused by that Spirit we are comforted, guided and ultimately transformed.

When we feel His Spirit, He is changing us.

One Year Ago Today

Someone once said out of every negative situation can come positive possibilities. One year ago, today, a homeless man name Robert, passed away in my parents basement where he had been staying. My youngest brother took it exceptionally hard because it was Ryan who first came across this drifter.

Until that moment I hardly knew my brother Ryan. He is 22 years my younger and I moved out and married before he was 8. One week after Roberts death, Ryan and I took a trip to Paris. A few days after we came home, my sister Amy and I with her husband Rob and Ryan took a trip to Rome. In February, because Ryan was awarded the top sales award at Delta Airlines, he invited me to join him at a company celebration on the Islands of St Kitts and St Barts. I would never have seen these parts of the world without Ryan.

The passing of Bobert, as I affectionately called him, was a tragic end to a sad story. But his passing was the catalyst that introduced my youngest brother to me. Our brother trips gave us a unique opportunity to share some memories. In many ways he has been a brother’s keeper. Ryan has given new meaning to my mantra brothers helping brothers.

2013 was a whirlwind year of trips and travel. In April I took my mother and her sister to Paris and Rome and Venice. In the summer I took my 3 daughters on a trip as well. 

As I close 2013, reflecting on the passing of Robert and the positive connections made with Ryan, I realize that life is short, but life can be sweet.

Thinking of Christ

Today is the 1st of December and yesterday I forgot to buy something I was planning on buying. I forgot to buy a chocolate advent calendar for my children.

All of us have special holiday traditions and for some that means counting down the days until Christmas. As a boy I fondly remember the advent calendar my mother made for us. On it she had sewn a felt flannel Christmas tree and 24 pockets filled with homemade felt Christmas ornaments. Beginning Dec 1st, my sister and I would take turns, decorating the tree with the special ornament we pulled each day from a pocket on the calendar.

Some advent calendars are filled with little chocolates and children count down the days until Christmas by popping open little windows filled with chocolate candies.

Although it isn’t too late to buy a calendar and start counting down the days, the lesson I learned from forgetting the calendar, I believe will help me better remember the true reason for the season.

It is said that we are what we think about most and unfortunately sometimes we forget Christ in our words, actions, and conversations. Thinking about Christ, especially during the Christmas season is what the season really is all about. But with all the hustle and bustle and other Christmas traditions, we sometimes forget who’s birth we are really celebrating.

There is a scripture that states “we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.” 2 Nephi 25:26. In order to talk of Christ and preach of Christ we need to be thinking of Christ more often in our lives.

There is a scripture in Mosiah that states: "For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart?"  Mosiah 5:13.  Perhaps this gives new meaning to that portion of the sacramental prayer that states "Always Remember Him."

It is my hope that I will remember Him each day until Christmas day and every day thereafter.