The Great Gift

Just a few days before Christmas, as I was rushing into a local grocery store to buy last minute food items, I saw and heard a bell ringer in front of the store.  Sometimes, when I have loose change in my pocket, I dump my loose change in the red kettle as I am entering or leaving the store.  On days when I have no change, I simply try to avoid and ignore the bell ringer.

On this particular day, however, I had only one single dollar bill.  I recognized the boy: I had passed this same boy several times, over the past few days, and I was trying to remember if I had already given him my change, or if I had not.  But I reached into my pocket and grabbed the dollar bill anyway and, as I was about to put the money in the little, red kettle, the boy turned away from me towards another patron and her daughter.  My dollar bill made no conspicuous rattle in the kettle as it dropped through the slot. The bell ringer didn't see me put the dollar in and certainly didn't hear it make a sound.  I had made an anonymous donation.

When I came out of the store the boy rang his bell again and greeted me, he then looked longing at me, hoping for a donation.  I said nothing and took my bags to the car.

For some reason, the whole thing was a bit perplexing.  Did I want him to know I had donated?  Was I disappointed he hadn't noticed that I had?

Earlier in the week, my daughter, Macee, and I delivered yummy treats to neighbors. While this is often a tradition in many neighborhoods, this year Macee and I dressed it up a bit.  In fact, we did just that: we dressed up! Macee was dressed in a green elf suit, complete with elf shoes and an elf cap. And I was Santa, in a red Santa suit with all the accoutrements and trappings.  

We rang each doorbell, but not everyone was home.  So when no one was home, we simply left the treat on the doorstep.  On each loaf, our last name was on a gift tag, along with invitations to our ward party and to our Christmas Sunday church service.

On the day after Christmas, I posted my Twas the Day After Christmas poem again on Facebook. It is a satirical poem about Santa taking gifts back. But, as I read the poem again, I saw gift giving from a different perspective.

Even when we give gifts, we sometimes try to make it all about us.

Once there was a boy who happened upon a secret stash of Christmas gifts, one of which was a toy he wanted and was hoping for Christmas. On Christmas Day, he opened his gifts and the toy he thought he was getting was nowhere in sight. He said nothing to his parents, but the empty feeling he had inside haunted him for years. Until finally, one day, years later, he asked his mother about the gift and why he had not received it. His mother simply replied, "you ruined the surprise so I took it back."

The irony in this story isn't about the boy at all. Yes, the boy had ruined the Christmas surprise, and he paid a dear price for it. But was the surprise for the boy or for the parent? Was the gift about the boy, or about the parent? If the gift had been genuinely given, would it really have mattered if the element of surprise was lost? Perhaps the fun of a surprise is as much for a parent as it is for a child, but when we give with strings attached, or in this case, with conditions attached, we give expecting something back.

We all give gifts, but for some, it is giving to gain something in return. Sometimes this is called giving to get. And, although it sounds like a type of gift exchange, giving to get isn't necessarily about gifts at all. Giving to get is expecting something in return for what is given.

Someone once said "if we give love and expect something in return we are doing business instead of kindness.  Change that as it might apply at Christmas:  "If we give gifts and expect something in return, we are doing business instead of Christmas."

Too often we give only the gifts we want to give for  Christmas, only to wonder why they are so poorly received. This often ruins any goodness in the gift giving experience because we somehow assume that the receiver does not appreciate the gift. 

But appreciation goes both ways. We should appreciate what the receiver really wants and needs in life, which often takes time and a sensitive heart. To appreciate more and expect less is a trait that would benefit both the giver, as well as, the receiver, and love would flow more freely, which, in reality, is the greatest gift.

Giving to others, out of the goodness of our hearts, is what really matters. Sadly, there will be times we fail to thank someone for a gift we have been given. And, there will be times when we give a gift and that gift isn't appreciated or, even worse, rejected. But how we react to the response to our gift, sheds light on our true intentions. And sometimes we simply give anonymous gifts.

Just as we can't buy love, or praise, or acceptance, if we base our giving on how well we impress others, or the thanks we expect to receive, or the praise or acknowledgment we are hoping to obtain, we will probably feel empty when all the gifts have been opened. 

The great secret about Christmas is that it is better to give than to receive.  But, this Christmas, I learned, perhaps the best gift we can give to others, and to ourselves, is to give without any expectations in return.

And why not, the greatest gift ever given was quietly done alone, while those who were with him slept.  The greatest gift was given out of love, not attention.  Even amidst all the agony in the garden of Gethsemane, I know that it was Christ’s love for us that made it all possible.

He loved us so much He did not to turn from the bitter cup.

He loved us so much He bled from every poor.

He tread the wine presses alone. For He was left all alone, as even the God in Heaven withdrew.

He is more than just the reason for the season, He is the answer to life. Christ is the answer to life's uncertainties. He is the rock of relief from all that torments us. He has the framework for our greatest happiness and peace. He is the King of all kings and Savior of all men. He is the Great Gift.