The Spouse Trap

One of my favorite games growing up was one that I found in my grandmothers attic.  My sister and I were exploring one day and we found this amazing game that would have belonged to my mother and her siblings when they were young and living at home.  The same game exists today on store shelves with almost identical looking pieces.  The game is called Mouse Trap.

One thing that made this game so interesting to me as a boy was the fun of assembling each part of the elaborate trapping mechanism and the ultimate chain reaction that occurred when attempting to capture the mouse.  Each component was unique and creative but, standing alone, each piece would not have been enough to capture the mouse.

I think I want to write a book called "The Spouse Trap" How to Catch and Keep the Girl. Although not an original title, this slight variation from the fun board game of my youth would be a fun and catchy title.  I realize that spouse catching instead of mouse catching is hardly the same endeavor and is a crude way of talking about courtship and marriage and although I am not a proponent of trapping someone, I am interested in finding the necessary components.

Assembling all the components of good dating, courtship and marriage, is not an easy task.  Neither is finding and keeping an eternal companion.  It used to be that finding an eternal companion was the hard part, but with the ever increasing divorce rate, even in the church, it is clear that finding the right components to keep a marriage intact is more important than ever.

Assembling all the secrets, steps, keys, and pointers of a good marriage into one book would be difficult, if not impossible.  I think of my attempt at finding the many ingredients for a happy marriage more of a project than a manuscript.  And, for those of us who have been divorced, many of the lessons learned the hard way are some of the missing ingredients we lacked the first time around, and maybe they really can’t be learned from a book. 

Still, for me, looking for truth and writing down ideas have become a great source of inspiration and even revelation from God.  The very fact that I am searching for answers to tough questions and problems puts my mind and heart, if I am humble about it, in a better position to learn wisdom from on high about love and marriage. This inspiration if captured and retained in my heart will help me catch and keep the woman of my dreams.

Stay tuned for an excerpt from Chapter One:  To Try or Not To Try. 

  

Twelve Horses

In the popular children's story, Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs, the little men that took Snow White into their home all had noticeable personality features.  Each character had a character feature, whether it was a strength or a weakness, that easily separated and identified the one from the other.  There was Grumpy, Sleepy, and Sneezy, to name a few.  The prominent feature became the name or nickname of that dwarf.

In a different house, there were twelve brothers.  The House of Israel was divided into twelve tribes because there were 12 sons of Israel.  Perhaps each of the 12 sons of Jacob had a personality feature or character feature that was distinct to that son.

Just as Jacob’s sons were uniquely different with different strengths and weaknesses, we are all children of God and we have our own set of unique talents and gifts.

But we also share some common character features that are universal.  Although these features can be divided many ways, I have chosen to categorize them into 12 areas.

Picture a stage coach being drawn by 12 horses or a sleigh being pulled by 12 dogs, our personalities and characters are driven and pulled by the following 12 forces:

Physical

Mental

Emotional

Social

Spiritual

Sexual

Financial

Personal

Parental

Marital

Patriarchal

Recreational

While two oxen can pull a wagon, sometimes additional strength and energy is necessary.  The word horsepower comes for a time before automobiles when additional horses were added to a stagecoach or wagon to increase the power that comes from adding more horses to a team of horses.  Balancing the load between 12 horses would increase the speed and strength of the transport.

A team of dogs attached to a sled in the Arctic would have a similar effect even though the needs and weather conditions are different.  Dogs can run fast and more dogs would increase the capacity of the load. 

Dogs and horses are harnessed together in two rows.  Each horse or dog is also harnessed next to another dog or horse in a kind of yoke.

When we think of yokes we usually think of wooden yokes and two oxen pulling a covered wagon.  While a yoke can be fastened to two oxen, equalizing or balancing the load pulled by dogs or horses is as important as equally yoking a pair of oxen.  The yoke connects the animals side by side but also balances out the heavy weight of the load.

We each have more than two character categories that require we learn to find balance in our lives.  Our character is pulled by at least 12 of these categories and we can easily over exaggerate a few while neglecting others.  We could be physically fit, for example, but spiritually empty.  We could be in shape financially but be a poor spouse or parent.  We might even excel spiritually or intellectually but be emotionally unstable.  Like the panels of a parachute or an umbrella, balancing isn’t just important but is also essential. Think about how tragic it would be if one of the panels in a parachute didn’t function properly.

Consider the apparatus of an umbrella and all of its working parts.  An umbrella has a canopy that is divided by spokes.  Each spoke is connected to a canopy of fabric and to a wooden or metal stem.  When the umbrella is in working condition, the spokes open and close easily and the fabric is stretched to create a canopy that protects the user from rain, snow and sun.  If the spokes break or the fabric tears, the umbrella becomes ineffective and useless and is usually discarded and replaced with a working model.

The highest and best use of our agency requires that we have self-discipline.  When we discipline ourselves, we strengthen our character and we can strengthen the categories of our character necessary for us to be effective tools in the service of the Lord.  When we manage the sum total of all of our parts, we have balance and that balance creates the synergy necessary to be, among other things, healthy, wealthy, and wise.

We neglect our weaknesses when we ignore them or fail to notice them.  Just as the parts of the umbrella can be easily broken, we can easily get out of balance or sync.  The 12 character components listed above are like cogs and wheels in a fine watch that, when working properly, work in synchronicity with each other.  Over compensating in one area while neglecting another area of our character may not at first seem too detrimental.  The athlete who doesn’t focus on school may have a few good games, or even a professional sports career, but at some point, somewhere in his or her life, the lack of balance will become obvious.  This gives new meaning to the scripture.  “Even as ye sow, so shall ye reap.”

Let us harvest the highest and best use of our character by balancing our attention and self-discipline in all the key areas of our lives so that our lives will work in harmony with His.  “Be ye therefore perfect” becomes a more definable goal when we recognize that there are areas of our lives that we need to improve, and that our God and Creator knows us and understands them and can help us reach them.