Forgive Us Our Debts (Shorter Version)

As a part of my daughter's recent audition for her junior high school Madrigal choir, Macee was required to find and sing a song of her choosing. And with so many songs to choose from, I know the choice was hard.  

The song she finally chose to sing, for the audition, is a beautiful song called "Both Sides Now"

Some of the lyrics are:

Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It's cloud's illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

The beautiful, imaginative, description of the clouds, at the beginning of the song, is later dampened, by a sense of sadness, as the wonderful description of the clouds is countered with a gloomy, crestfallen description of darker clouds, blocking the sun, and bringing with them, the rain and snow of misery and regret.

It is said that there are two sides to every story. And, like these clouds, life can bring both bitterness and sweetness.  While we often go from sweet to bitter, it is possible to go from bitter to sweet.

And, after seeing both sides, finding sweetness is worth every sacrifice.

In the language of law, there are also two sides.

Sometimes, with law,  it's hard to know who's who, between, for example, the grantors and grantees, the mortgagors and mortgagees, the lessors and leasees, or the trustors and trustees.

But, for some words like debtor and trespasser, there isn't a nifty, almost identical word that corresponds with its opposites (like debtee or trespassee).

Yet, if there is a debtor, there most probably will be someone to whom the debt is owed.
And if someone is a trespasser, then there is probably some party with whom the trespasser has trespassed.

Another song that comes to my mind, is a song I have often heard in church. It is usually sung by a soloist. It is called "The Lord's Prayer".

As a young boy, I remember learning all the words to The Lord's Prayer, simply by hearing it sung in the chapel. I never had to recite it aloud, anywhere, I just remember the words from hearing the song.

Our Father who art in Heaven hallowed be thy name. [Matthew 6:9]

It is a beautiful, yet simple song, but I have been moved every time I have heard it.

And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. [Matthew 6:12]

I have read different versions of the prayer, and some versions use the word "trespass" instead of "debt".

But where did the word "trespass" come from?

The word "trespass" is still found in the  New Testament, it just isn't found in the Lord's prayer, but in a verse that follows.

In fact, in the first two verses, directly after the Lord's prayer, the Lord says this about trespasses:

"For if you forgive men their trespasses, you heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if ye forgive men not their trespasses neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." [Matthew 6:14]

The first known English translation of the Bible, in 1384, by John Wycliffe used the word debtors in the Lord's prayer. The Tyndale translation, that followed in 1526, used trespasses. The 1611 King James Bible used debtors, which is the word that is commonly used today.

As with any scripture, we could get so caught up in definitions and translations of certain words, like debt or trespass, that we miss the true light of insight and spiritual significance of the message.

Whether it's in the Lord's prayer or the two scriptures that follow, ultimately, we are asking God for forgiveness. 

This is part of the process of repentance: our forgiveness.

The process of repentance certainly includes forgiving others. And, as we repent and seek forgiveness from God, and from those whom we have offended, the promise is, "if you forgive others, you heavenly Father will also forgive you." [Matthew 6:14]

Perhaps the most beautiful word in the English language is "forgiveness"

I felt that way when I heard, for the first time, a song by Kelly Clarkson, as she sang the following words in a beautiful rendition of "It's Quiet Uptown".

They are standing in the garden,
Standing their side by side,
She takes his hand
It's quiet uptown.

Forgiveness . . . can you imagine.
Forgiveness . . .can you imagine!

So, like the sad song, "Both Sides Now", I have seen both sides of sin.

Many times I have been on the side of the sinner. I know that the clouds of sin are dark and despairing. I have walked so many crooked paths, paths that eventually required me to walk the lonely path of repentance.

But, even on those lonely paths of remorse and repentance, I was never alone. I was never alone. In my utter darkness, He was always there, redeeming me, 

and leading me out of the darkness.

If I had not fallen down on my journey there are things I know I would have never seen. 

It is in the defining moments of our own mistakes,
that we learn the meaning of the word. . . mercy.

I have seen both sides of forgiveness. Just as I have looked into the darkest abyss, I have seen and felt the sunlight of a sweeter tomorrow, the sunlit uplands of a better life. I have seen what President Boyd K Packer once called the "Brilliant Morning of Forgiveness".

To know God, is to know His forgiveness. To know God is to know His love. It is to know God's love for you. To know God's love is to know His sweet forgiveness!

When God has forgiven you, the sweetest feeling will resonate within every fiber of your soul!

And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain! [Alma 36:20]

Yes, to know God, is to know of His joy, His divine approval and the eternal worth of every soul.  To know God, is to know His perfect love.

I have also sought forgiveness from others. I have truly seen the miracle of forgiveness from other human beings. Many have forgiven me, perhaps even when I didn't really deserve it. I have begged for mercy, from others, and they have responded. I have truly been blessed by their love and forgiveness.

But there are still those whom I seek and beg forgiveness from. It may never come, but I readily seek it.

There have also been times, in my life, where I am the one who needed to forgive. I can truly say I have seen "Both Sides Now". I have seen the more difficult side of forgiveness and it has been, perhaps, the hardest pill to swallow.

But when I have done so, when I have freely forgiven, exquisite love has flown, freely. 

And I have seen the joy of forgiveness in another's eyes.

I know this is possible, precisely because, when we do unto others, what we are really doing is extending that love and mercy towards a loving God who has already paid their debts, as He has our own. 

Perhaps it is fitting, that of all the days of the year, today, in a courtroom in Bountiful, advocates will represent debtors who can't afford legal counsel, for some debts I am sure they foolishly incurred. Justice, of course, will be served, but perhaps, this day, for the poor and the needy, for the fatherless, and even for some widows in affliction, there will be some measure of mercy.

Are we not all debtors?

I think of His hands pierced and bleeding to pay the debt!
Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?" [See Hymn 193]

It is in these times, times that we forgive others, that we better understand His mercy.

There is "so great a joy" when you bring others to their Redeemer. But there is also a great joy when you love and forgive another.

In these sacred moments, His gift of love can be felt through you. His gift of love and compassion can bless you with Christ-like compassion and love for others; 

for when we see others suffer, we are reminded He both suffered for them and with them.

Oh love effulgent, love divine!
What debt of gratitude is mine [See Hymn 187]

All of this is because of Him. All of this is because of His Atonement.

The Atonement of Jesus Christ was the greatest act of selfless sacrifice the world has ever known. The Savior did for each of us what we could not do for ourselves. And, although we can never repay Him, we can serve others, and even serve in the temple, those who have gone before, sacrificing, for others, in a small but similar way as the Savior did for us.

For like the Saviors loving sacrifice, we, within the walls of His temple, can do for others what they cannot do for themselves.

Just over 2000 years ago the greatest miracle occurred in a garden, on a hill, and in a garden tomb. Another Easter both reminds me and allows me the chance to turn to Him, to seek His love, and yes, to seek His forgiveness.

Forgive Us Our Debts

As a part of my daughter's recent audition for her junior high school Madrigal choir, Macee was required to find and sing a song of her choosing. And with so many songs to choose from, I know the choice was hard.  

The song she finally chose to sing, for the audition, is a beautiful song called "Both Sides Now"

Some of the lyrics are:

Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It's cloud's illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

The beautiful, imaginative, description of the clouds, at the beginning of the song, is later dampened, by a sense of sadness, as the wonderful description of the clouds is countered with a gloomy, crestfallen description of darker clouds, blocking the sun, and bringing with them, the rain and snow of misery and regret.

It is said that there are two sides to every story. And, like these clouds, life can bring both bitterness and sweetness.  While we often go from sweet to bitter, it is possible to go from bitter to sweet.

And, after seeing both sides, finding sweetness is worth every sacrifice.

In the language of law, there are also two sides.

Sometimes, with legal vernacular, it's hard to know who's who, between, for example, the grantors and grantees, the mortgagors and mortgagees, the lessors and leasees, or the trustors and trustees.

But, for some words like debtor and trespasser, there isn't a nifty, almost identical word that corresponds with its opposites (like debtee or trespassee).

Yet, if there is a debtor, there most probably will be someone to whom the debt is owed.

And if someone is a trespasser, then there is probably some party with whom the trespasser has trespassed.

Another song that comes to my mind, is a song I have often heard in church. It is usually sung by a soloist. It is called "The Lord's Prayer".

As a young boy, I remember learning all the words to The Lord's Prayer, simply by hearing it sung in the chapel. I never had to recite it aloud, anywhere, I just remember the words from hearing the song.

Our Father who art in Heaven hallowed be thy name. [Matthew 6:9]

It is a beautiful, yet simple song, but I have been moved every time I have heard it.

The beauty and simplicity of the sacred script, known as the Lord's Prayer, does not diminish, in any way, the depth and relevance that this prayer has for each of us, individually.

I have read different versions of the prayer, and some versions use the word "trespass" instead of "debt". However, in the King James Version, of the LDS Standard Works, The Lord’s Prayer, found in Matthew Chapter 6 verses 9-13, the words debt and debtors are the words used in the prayer.

And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. [Matthew 6:12]

Assuming that the original Greek word that was used, and later translated, was opheiletes, a direct translation of that word could be debts.

But where did the word "trespass" come from?

The word "trespass" is still found in the King James Version of the New Testament, it just isn't found in the Lord's prayer, but in a verse that follows.

In fact, in the first two verses, directly after the Lord's prayer, the Lord says this about trespasses:

"For if you forgive men their trespasses, you heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if ye forgive men not their trespasses neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." [Matthew 6:14]

Scholars tell us that the word trespass is translated from the original Greek word paraptoma. which means "a false step".

But even the word trespasses can be translated differently. From the original Latin text, the words that were used were delicta and peccata. And, when translated into English, these two words are (fittingly) transgressions and sins, respectively.

With this translation in mind, one can come up with the following version of the scripture:

"For if you forgive men their (delicta) transgressions, you heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if ye forgive men not their (delicta) transgressions neither will your Father forgive your (peccata) sins."

Not surprisingly, the word trespasses has also been replaced with another word, "offenses."

"For if you forgive men their offenses, you heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if ye forgive men not their offenses neither will your Father forgive yours" [See Matthew 6:12]

The first known English translation of the Bible, in 1384, by John Wycliffe used the word debtors in the Lord's prayer. The Tyndale translation, that followed in 1526, used trespasses. The 1611 King James Bible used debtors, which is the word that is commonly used today.

But even using the word, "debt", this word can mean many different things,

One meaning of the word debt could be an obligation owed, but not paid, ie. like a tax debt. Or another definition could be money borrowed, that will be paid back with interest, like a student loan.

But the word debt may not mean money at all. 

When we say we are in someone's debt it may mean that someone has done something for us, perhaps even saved us from something, maybe even death, and we acknowledge that we are, gratefully, in their debt.

Yet the word "debtor" could also mean anyone who owes you because they have wronged you.

And the word "debtors" also implies that others may owe you money, but haven’t yet settled their debt.

Sometimes, settling a debt may really mean forgiving the debt in its entirety. However gracious, this is rare. When we pray and ask that Father in Heaven forgive us of our debts, as we forgive our debtors, we aren't asking God to erase our earthly debts at all, but to forgive us of our sins and transgressions.

Even if we replaced the word debt with trespass, the word "trespass" or "trespasses" can also mean many different things as well.

Criminal trespass, for example, is often defined as an unlawful intrusion that interferes with one's person or property. And the definition of trespass to real property includes: the injury to or use of real property without consent or permission of the person or persons lawfully entitled to possess the property.

Regarding what we usually think of when we think about someone who is trespassing, we might think of someone who has, mistakenly, entered onto a property and is trespassing unknowingly. This could mean that they crossed a line that may or may not have been clearly marked or defined.

As with any scripture, we could get so caught up in definitions and translations of certain words, like debt or trespass, that we miss the true light of insight and spiritual significance of the message.

Whether it's in the Lord's prayer or the two scriptures that follow, ultimately, we are asking God for forgiveness. 

Whether for sins, transgressions, trespasses or offenses, we are pleading our case before God. But, as we plead our case to the God of Heaven and Earth, we are also, even in the same breath, reminding ourselves, and God, that, as we seek His divine forgiveness, we seek to forgive those who sin, transgress, trespass or offend us.

This is part of the process of repentance: our forgiveness.

The process of repentance certainly includes forgiving others. And, as we repent and seek forgiveness from God, and from those whom we have offended, the promise is, "if you forgive others, you heavenly Father will also forgive you." [Matthew 6:14]

Perhaps the most beautiful word in the English language is "forgiveness"

I felt that way when I heard, for the first time, a song by Kelly Clarkson, as she sang the following words in a beautiful rendition of "It's Quiet Uptown".

They are standing in the garden,
Standing their side by side,
She takes his hand
It's quiet uptown.

Forgiveness . . . can you imagine.
Forgiveness . . .can you imagine!
So, like the sad song, "Both Sides Now", I have seen both sides of sin.

Many times I have been on the side of the sinner. I know that the clouds of sin are dark and despairing. I have walked so many crooked paths, paths that eventually required me to walk the lonely path of repentance.

But, even on those lonely paths of remorse and repentance, I was never alone. I was never alone. In my utter darkness, He was always there, redeeming me, 

And leading me out of the darkness.

If I had not fallen down on my journey there are things I know I would have never seen. 

It is in the defining moments of our own mistakes,
that we learn the meaning of the word. . . mercy.

I have seen both sides of forgiveness. Just as I have looked into the darkest abyss, I have seen and felt the sunlight of a sweeter tomorrow, the sunlit uplands of a better life. I have seen what President Boyd K Packer once called the "Brilliant Morning of Forgiveness".

To know God, is to know His forgiveness. To know God is to know His love. It is to know God's love for you. To know God's love is to know His sweet forgiveness!

When God has forgiven you, the sweetest feeling will resonate within every fiber of your soul!

And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain! [Alma 36:20]

Yes, to know God, is to know of His joy, His divine approval and the eternal worth of every soul. 

To know God, is to know His perfect love.

I have also sought forgiveness from others. I have truly seen the miracle of forgiveness from other human beings. Many have forgiven me, perhaps even when I didn't really deserve it. I have begged for mercy, from others, and they have responded. I have truly been blessed by their love and forgiveness.

But there are still those whom I seek and beg forgiveness from. It may never come, but I readily seek it.

There have also been times, in my life, where I am the one who needed to forgive. I can truly say I have seen "Both Sides Now". I have seen the more difficult side of forgiveness and it has been, perhaps, the hardest pill to swallow.

But when I have done so, when I have freely forgiven, exquisite love has flown, freely. 

And I have seen the joy of forgiveness in another's eyes.

I know this is possible, precisely because, when we do unto others, what we are really doing is extending that love and mercy towards a loving God who has already paid their debts, as He has our own. 

Perhaps it is fitting, that of all the days of the year, today, in a courtroom in Bountiful, advocates will represent debtors who can't afford legal counsel, for some debts I am sure they foolishly incurred. Justice, of course, will be served, but perhaps, this day, for the poor and the needy, for the fatherless, and even for some widows in affliction, there will be some measure of mercy.

Are we not all debtors?

I think of His hands pierced and bleeding to pay the debt!
Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?" [See Hymn 193]

It is in these times, times that we forgive others, that we better understand His mercy.

There is "so great a joy" when you bring others to their Redeemer. But there is also a great joy when you love and forgive another.

In these sacred moments, His gift of love can be felt through you. His gift of love and compassion can bless you with Christ-like compassion and love for others;

for when we see others suffer, we are reminded He both suffered for them and with them.

Oh love effulgent, love divine!
What debt of gratitude is mine [See Hymn 187]

All of this is because of Him. All of this is because of His Atonement.

The Atonement of Jesus Christ was the greatest act of selfless sacrifice the world has ever known. The Savior did for each of us what we could not do for ourselves. And, although we can never repay Him, we can serve others, and even serve in the temple, those who have gone before, sacrificing, for others, in a small but similar way as the Savior did for us.

For like the Saviors loving sacrifice, we, within the walls of His temple, can do for others what they cannot do for themselves.

Just over 2000 years ago the greatest miracle occurred in a garden, on a hill, and in a garden tomb. Another Easter both reminds me and allows me the chance to turn to Him, to seek His love, and yes, to seek His forgiveness.

The Power of Composure

Well the NCAA Tournament is here! And, for me, it is the Olympics of College Basketball! I love college basketball as much as I love the Olympics, maybe more!!

Athletes are amazing to watch, especially Olympic athletes. Each is the perfect embodiment of dedication and commitment to their sport. Talent, alone, has not brought them to the pinnacle of their individual performance: their performance is the quintessence of hard work and practice.

But the strength of an athlete isn't merely in his or her physical prowess. Nor is it the God-given talent they have or the phenomenal way they have reached greatness. True, hard work and practice are essential, but hard work and practice are only a portion of the equation.

There is another, equally powerful, skill they have acquired, in their pursuit of an Olympic Gold, or a seat at the Final Four, that has made them who they are.

In order to succeed, athletes have acquired something more than physical ability: they have acquired the power of composure.

I once had a boss council me that, when dealing with certain interpersonal aspects of my job, that I should "stay above the fray". I have remembered that phrase ever since: stay above the fray. It doesn't just rhyme nicely, it has deep meaning.

When we think about something that frays, we may picture the edge of a fabric that begins to unravel as it becomes worn. Constant rubbing on cheaper fabrics wears at the edges, until eventually, the cross fibers of the fabric begin to fray.

Perhaps a more dramatic example of this can be seen in ropes or cords. The strength of a rope isn't found in each individual string that composes the rope, but in the compounding effect of each string, being joined with the others and intertwined together, to create a stronger cord. Like the edge of the fabric, the end of the cord or rope is where the potential of fraying takes place.

But there is another, less familiar definition or use of the word "fray". A search of the dictionary uncovers this fine definition: "Fray" (of a person's nerves or temper) show the effects of strain.

This type of fray has to do with emotional strain. Words associated with this definition of fray are strain, tax, burden, put on edge, strained, fraught, tense, edgy and even stressed.

An additional use of the word "fray" is found in phrases like "join the fray" or "jump into the fray." These phrases are usually connected to descriptions of arguments that have turned into scuffles. The fray, in these instances, refers to participation in the confusion of a fight or a struggle, where order has been lost.

All of these definitions of fray seem very applicable to the concept of composure. The composition of material used to make fabric or rope, is tightly bound together to produce a reinforced result. The rope or fabric loses its composure, if you will, when it begins to fray at the edges.

A strain on a person's nerves or temper, that can cause a person to fray, is the complete opposite of composure, it is strain on composure or the lack of composure. It is when someone finally loses their composure.

And the mayhem of a fray that can be brought on when the emotions of a group boil over, as in a brawl on a basketball court or a fist fight at a hockey rink, shows the result of players being pushed over the edge of composure.

Part of the intensity of Olympic sports is more than just the matching of the world's best, of any given sport, against each other. The intensity of the Olympics includes the pressure of being on the world stage and the stakes involved. People tend to break under pressure.

Composure is often thought of as a form of self-control. In fact, one of the definitions of the word composure is "in control of oneself."

While self-control is often associated with the word composure, an original use of this word, first recorded in the 1600's, is a "sense of tranquility and calmness." A modern definition of the word composure includes this portion of the definition. Composure: the state or feeling of being calm.

Sometimes, when governments or societies begin to lose control, they attempt to tighten control, by force, to regain control. Gaining control by force, while sometimes necessary, is the type of knee-jerk reaction, however, that may cause an Olympic athlete to lose even more control. The pressure that breaks composure in the first place, can be even more emotionally aggravated by the tenseness associated with gaining control by force.

It seems almost counter-intuitive that the way to keep composure and control, in many tense situations is, more often than not, to relax.

Focusing our energy on calming down and relaxing, instead of tensing up, is where the power of composure exists. And it is a learned skill, not merely developed in the intensity of a moment, but by small and simple means, over time.

In fact, staying above the fray is a statement that is meant to be more preventative than curative. Like going upstream to resolve upstream emotional issues, going above the fray of the fabric or rope, to address, early on, the possibility of fraying, helps prevent fraying in the first place.

This concept of addressing something "early on" reminds me of a phrase found in scriptures. "Reproving betimes with sharpness" (D & C 121:43)

With more exciting words like "reproving" and "sharpness" that are found in this scripture, it might be easy to overlook a more subtle word found in that verse. The word is "betimes".

I first learned the deeper meaning of the word "betimes" when I heard Elder Neal A Maxwell explain, in a conference talk, years ago, that the meaning of the word betimes is "early on". Reproving or correcting, early on, is definitely a way of staying above the fray.

Another interesting word  is "whipping". When it isn't associated with the whipping of cream, the word "whipping" has a controversial and negative meaning in today's society. It is often associated with corporal punishment or spanking, and I am sure, over the centuries, many a father may have lost composure and control while trying to whip a child into shape.

But boy scouts learn a different meaning of the word "whipping" and it is much more in line with Elder Maxwell's emphasis on reproving early on.

Boy Scouts learn different techniques of preventing fraying when learning about knots and ropes. One of the solutions to the problem of fraying is called "whipping." A boy scout knows if the end of a rope isn't taken care of, the rope will untwist and fray and lose strength. You could even say the rope will "loose" strength because the strings will become too loose.

To solve this problem the boy scout uses tiny thread or twine and "whips" the end of the rope. To do this, he first forms a loop, then "whips" or wraps the thread or twine around and around the end of the rope to create a neat, tight binding. Then he pulls the working end of the thread or twine through the loop and pulls hard on the other end of the thread or twine. By tightening the small thread, early on, above the fray, the boy scout preserves the strength of the rope. After the rope has been "whipped", the scout cuts off the loose frayed ends. (Perhaps that is where phrase "tying up some loose ends" comes from.)

When it comes to fabric, the way a seamstress ties up loose ends on the fabric is to sew a hem near the edge of the fabric. The most durable hem that a seamstress can use is called a "serged hem", or an "overlocked hem". This is the kind of hem you find in most store-bought clothes.

The serged hem or overlocked hem uses three or four threads in its stitching and is best completed with a special sewing machine called a serger. The serger even has a blade that trims the fabric along the serged hem.

But gaining and keeping composure includes more than just tying up loose ends so they don't fray. Composure requires more of a balance. It is more of a balancing act. When we lose composure or try to regain composure, we sometimes over react towards the polar opposite of how we initially reacted, and, like a driver who accidentally veers too far in the wrong direction, we may tend to over-correct our behavior and end up too far in the other direction. These extremes are passive aggressive extremes.

Perhaps we are more familiar with the term aggressive than we are passive. The aggressive extreme is an extreme where anger, yelling, and sometimes physical violence may occur. When we lose our cool and "flip out" we may express ourselves aggressively with our words, actions, and other nonverbal behavior. Usually, to the outsider, it is clear that we have lost our composure.

The passive extreme, however, is harder for someone else to identify because instead of exploding on the outside, when we lose our composure, the passive extreme is more of an implosion on the inside. When we lose our composure and hold it in, we may think we are still in control, but we have lost composure: we have over corrected and have veered too far to the opposite extreme.

The passive extreme includes a coldness, an entire shut down of emotions, the silent treatment, and a cold shoulder. Sometimes when people lose composure, they start crying. And, in order to avoid sobs and tears, an overreaction occurs: an emotional shut down as a way of dealing with emotions. But, instead of dealing with emotions, a person may flush all emotions out of the system and become cold, hard, and indifferent. Apathy, then, is the ultimate passive extreme.

Keeping composure is like the tight-rope walker, with a pole, trying to keep balance. On one extreme end of the pole you have the passive behavior and on the other extreme end, you have the aggressive behavior. Walking a tight-rope is a learned skill, and if the tight-rope walker overcorrects, balance is lost and a fall is imminent.

With these pole opposites, or polar opposites, in mind, consider the following quote:

The opposite of love is not hate, but apathy and indifference.

Take a look at Section 121 of the Doctrine and Covenants. Start with the familiar scripture "Many are called but few are chosen"(see D & C 121:34)

Now change some of the words in the scripture to better understand composure.

" Behold, there are many who lose composure because few have balance. And why do they not have balance?

Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men, that they do not learn this one lesson—

that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness.

That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man." (D & C 121:35-37)

The phrase "exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness" comports with the idea that when people lose composure they usually resort to one of the two overreactions: anger or despondency and both of these over corrections have a controlling effect on those around them, especially spouse and children.

Continuing, "Behold, ere he is aware, he is left unto himself, to kick against the pricks, to persecute the saints, and to fight against God." (D & C 121:38)

"kick", "persecute," and "fight", these words accurately describe when a person loses composure.

Further, "We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion. (D & C 121:39)

Hence many lose composure, but few have balance. (see D & C 121:40)

Now pay attention to the following words about calmness and balance. "No power or influence can or ought to be maintained . . . only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;

By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—" (D & C 121:41-42)

And now we are back to our reproving scripture, a scripture that is perhaps the most perfect scripture on balance that I know of. It balances reproof with increased love.

"Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;" That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death. (D & C 121:43-44)

Recall the above sentence about love: The opposite of love is not hate, but apathy and indifference. Love perfectly mitigates the extremes of anger and apathy.

"Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.

The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever." (D & C 121:45-46)

This portion of Section 121 reveals a lot about human nature, but it includes many profound solutions, including solutions regarding composure.

If you are going to be an athlete, and not just an Olympic athlete, an athlete at any level of sport, (including ward basketball), then just as important as the physical skill set you need to acquire to perform or compete, the mental/emotional skill set, that includes composure, is just as important, essential, and critical, as the physical fundamentals you are attempting to perfect.

In fact, maybe we lose composure because we get too caught up in the game.

When we are wound up we need to learn to calm down and relax. Calming down and relaxing doesn't mean that we don't work as hard or stop trying to excel. It also doesn't mean that we emotionally give up, stop caring, or surrender either. It simply means that we balance our energy and efforts with a calm composure. Perhaps, when we relax, we find the fun it what we once enjoyed. It may mean that we laugh more and perhaps give ourselves more freedom and permission to laugh at ourselves and find the silver lining of humor in the mistakes we have made.

It may also mean we stop and take a break or "time out" when things really begin to boil over.

It may simply mean that we take a deep breath, say a quiet prayer, and remember that sometimes we fall down, simply to learn, how to pick ourselves up when we do.

The Game Plan

It was the perfect BYU sports story, and I don't even know that much about basketball.

It was on a night when the exact two universities, where I went to law school, were playing each other in basketball. A night where my favorite team was undefeated, with a 29-0 record; was ranked the number one team in the nation; was playing at home, the last game of the season, against BYU, and was hoping to have its first undefeated season in school history!

The team that won, won for several amazing reasons.

Gonzaga had defeated teams all year by an average of 24.5 points per game, almost unheard of in college basketball.

In front of its hometown crowd, Gonzaga started the game, as usual, by taking a big lead and, within the first 5 minutes of the game, BYU had only scored 5 points. At that point, the Cougars were down 20 to 5. Most teams would have given up. And, over the season, many did.

But not BYU, and not that night.

The reasons BYU won are a lesson to us all and, believe it or not, an example of gospel principles.

First of all, BYU didn't give up at the first sign of trouble. The Cougars faced what appeared to be an insurmountable task: beating a favorite, at home.

Second, they didn't listen to the media. They didn't let the news reports and hype, generated by the spectacle of this particular game, get in their heads and get in the way of their having an amazing night.

Third, they didn't let their own past, affect the present. BYU had suffered some unfortunate losses, throughout the season, had no real promise of promising post-season tournament action. They could have let their past performances set the tone for the game and dictate the way they played. But they did not.

Fourth, and here is the part where I don't know much about basketball, but where I experienced some magic on that special night. BYU followed a game plan and they followed it perfectly.

The game plan, as I saw it, was to go to, and rely heavily on a big man in the middle, and let him score. And if he couldn't, kick it out to shooting guards, outside the 3 point range, and hope the guards could light it up from the perimeter. And, finally, when that didn't work, send someone up the lane to score a lap up or dish the ball off to the big man, for an easy basket.

But basketball also requires defense, on the other end of the court, and requires that the same players have a defensive game plan as well. A plan that includes, protecting the rim, blocking the lanes, forcing shots from the perimeter and getting steals by agitating the opponents passing game.

And it worked. The BYU big man scored a phenomenal 29 points. And when he wasn't scoring, he kicked it out for a downpour of 3 pointers.

BYU also drove successfully to the net for layups and assists. And, at the other end, they stuck to the game plan, protected the rim, frustrated the outside shooting, and grabbed the much-needed rebounds.

The game was close until the end, but BYU pulled off the upset.

A fifth reason BYU won is because they didn't rely too much on one person, and every team member did their part. Even those who may not have been heralded as stars did their part by putting bodies and pressure on Gonzaga and getting a few fouls along the way to keep their own starters out of foul trouble. It took everyone doing their own part and doing their best, no matter their station and no matter their ability.

Perhaps the most amazing thing of all is BYU tore the blueprint for success right out of Gonzaga's own playbook. They executed the exact game plan, to perfection: doing the exact things that Gonzaga had done all year.

Sixth, they had confidence in each other and as a team.

And seventh, they whittled away at Gonzaga's big lead, in small steps, one basket at a time, with executed plays. They didn't try to do things differently, their own way and they didn't ignore the coaches instructions. They obeyed and followed directions.

What I realized, that night, about basketball is that so much of it is about making choices.

There really are only two good choices on the offensive end. You and I might jump to a conclusion and simply assume that the two choices are to shoot or not to shoot--to take the shot or not take it. But I don't believe that is the right strategy, at all, in basketball. I believe the good coaches, if not the best coaches, teach their players this secret.

And it is the secret to basketball and life.

Before you shoot the ball,

Before you take any shot,

First, know who you are going to pass to if the shot is not open.

If you knew where the ball should go if the shot isn't taken, before you took the shot, you would have a continuous backup plan.

So, in reality, there are really just two shots:

the shot you take and the pass you make.

Think of how accurate your passing would be if you put just as much emphasis on assists as you do on baskets.

That your fellow ball player is a target to throw to, as the basket is a target to shoot for.

The selfish ball player, however, thinks only of himself and whether or not to take a shot.

And, when shots not available, and the panic sets in, instead of looking for a better option, too often a ball player just tosses up a bad shot that misses.

But if the player had practiced the concept of predetermined assists, then when the moment wasn't right to shoot, there was already a plan in place: someone else to pass to who is just as open and just as capable.

It requires unselfishness and it requires trust.

The Plan of Salvation is the perfect game plan. To assist in this, the mission of the church has a four-point game plan.

Perfecting the saints could be like the big man in the middle.

Preaching the gospel is often like the 3 point shooters beyond the arc. It's often a long shot, but when you find success it has a high reward.

And, the cutters, driving down the lanes, and pushing up the middle, are those assisting in redeeming the dead.

At the other end, the aid provided to others, the poor, the needy, and those who have cause to mourn, is a game plan all its own.

I don't mean any disrespect when I say, maybe the big man is your bishop, your stake president, the prophet, or even the Lord. Or maybe your are the big man, and the Lord is your coach, giving you instructions.

Your team could be your ward or your family, and you are relying on them to help you as they are relying on you to help them. It is a team effort and it requires faith and trust.

And maybe the temptations we face in life are like our shot selection choices. Maybe, when we are faced with the pressure of temptation, whether or not to be strong or give in, we have already determined our choice and we look to our predetermined backup plan. Then, we are less likely to panic, because we have made the choice, early on, avoiding the temptation and not make the wrong decision.

The Great Gift

Just a few days before Christmas, as I was rushing into a local grocery store to buy last minute food items, I saw and heard a bell ringer in front of the store.  Sometimes, when I have loose change in my pocket, I dump my loose change in the red kettle as I am entering or leaving the store.  On days when I have no change, I simply try to avoid and ignore the bell ringer.

On this particular day, however, I had only one single dollar bill.  I recognized the boy: I had passed this same boy several times, over the past few days, and I was trying to remember if I had already given him my change, or if I had not.  But I reached into my pocket and grabbed the dollar bill anyway and, as I was about to put the money in the little, red kettle, the boy turned away from me towards another patron and her daughter.  My dollar bill made no conspicuous rattle in the kettle as it dropped through the slot. The bell ringer didn't see me put the dollar in and certainly didn't hear it make a sound.  I had made an anonymous donation.

When I came out of the store the boy rang his bell again and greeted me, he then looked longing at me, hoping for a donation.  I said nothing and took my bags to the car.

For some reason, the whole thing was a bit perplexing.  Did I want him to know I had donated?  Was I disappointed he hadn't noticed that I had?

Earlier in the week, my daughter, Macee, and I delivered yummy treats to neighbors. While this is often a tradition in many neighborhoods, this year Macee and I dressed it up a bit.  In fact, we did just that: we dressed up! Macee was dressed in a green elf suit, complete with elf shoes and an elf cap. And I was Santa, in a red Santa suit with all the accoutrements and trappings.  

We rang each doorbell, but not everyone was home.  So when no one was home, we simply left the treat on the doorstep.  On each loaf, our last name was on a gift tag, along with invitations to our ward party and to our Christmas Sunday church service.

On the day after Christmas, I posted my Twas the Day After Christmas poem again on Facebook. It is a satirical poem about Santa taking gifts back. But, as I read the poem again, I saw gift giving from a different perspective.

Even when we give gifts, we sometimes try to make it all about us.

Once there was a boy who happened upon a secret stash of Christmas gifts, one of which was a toy he wanted and was hoping for Christmas. On Christmas Day, he opened his gifts and the toy he thought he was getting was nowhere in sight. He said nothing to his parents, but the empty feeling he had inside haunted him for years. Until finally, one day, years later, he asked his mother about the gift and why he had not received it. His mother simply replied, "you ruined the surprise so I took it back."

The irony in this story isn't about the boy at all. Yes, the boy had ruined the Christmas surprise, and he paid a dear price for it. But was the surprise for the boy or for the parent? Was the gift about the boy, or about the parent? If the gift had been genuinely given, would it really have mattered if the element of surprise was lost? Perhaps the fun of a surprise is as much for a parent as it is for a child, but when we give with strings attached, or in this case, with conditions attached, we give expecting something back.

We all give gifts, but for some, it is giving to gain something in return. Sometimes this is called giving to get. And, although it sounds like a type of gift exchange, giving to get isn't necessarily about gifts at all. Giving to get is expecting something in return for what is given.

Someone once said "if we give love and expect something in return we are doing business instead of kindness.  Change that as it might apply at Christmas:  "If we give gifts and expect something in return, we are doing business instead of Christmas."

Too often we give only the gifts we want to give for  Christmas, only to wonder why they are so poorly received. This often ruins any goodness in the gift giving experience because we somehow assume that the receiver does not appreciate the gift. 

But appreciation goes both ways. We should appreciate what the receiver really wants and needs in life, which often takes time and a sensitive heart. To appreciate more and expect less is a trait that would benefit both the giver, as well as, the receiver, and love would flow more freely, which, in reality, is the greatest gift.

Giving to others, out of the goodness of our hearts, is what really matters. Sadly, there will be times we fail to thank someone for a gift we have been given. And, there will be times when we give a gift and that gift isn't appreciated or, even worse, rejected. But how we react to the response to our gift, sheds light on our true intentions. And sometimes we simply give anonymous gifts.

Just as we can't buy love, or praise, or acceptance, if we base our giving on how well we impress others, or the thanks we expect to receive, or the praise or acknowledgment we are hoping to obtain, we will probably feel empty when all the gifts have been opened. 

The great secret about Christmas is that it is better to give than to receive.  But, this Christmas, I learned, perhaps the best gift we can give to others, and to ourselves, is to give without any expectations in return.

And why not, the greatest gift ever given was quietly done alone, while those who were with him slept.  The greatest gift was given out of love, not attention.  Even amidst all the agony in the garden of Gethsemane, I know that it was Christ’s love for us that made it all possible.

He loved us so much He did not to turn from the bitter cup.

He loved us so much He bled from every poor.

He tread the wine presses alone. For He was left all alone, as even the God in Heaven withdrew.

He is more than just the reason for the season, He is the answer to life. Christ is the answer to life's uncertainties. He is the rock of relief from all that torments us. He has the framework for our greatest happiness and peace. He is the King of all kings and Savior of all men. He is the Great Gift.

People & Things

Someone once said " In order to change you have to change the voices in your head"

That statement was the first line in a preview for a movie, a movie I found I could stream, directly over the internet, to a TV in my bedroom. Incidentally, I didn't watch the movie, but the opening line got me thinking. What do we change? What do we need to change?

There are many things we routinely change. Just that same week my wife decided to change the regular sheets on our bed to flannel sheets because of the drop in winter temperatures. I also changed the tires on my car from regular tires to snow tires. And just in time: within only two days of the first big snowstorm!

Other important things to routinely change are the batteries in smoke detectors, flashlights, and carbon monoxide detectors. I learned about the importance of changing batteries during that same cold week in November. On one of those cold days, in our basement, the alarm in the carbon monoxide detector went off. Not certain if it was just the battery or if we had a dangerous CO leak, we not only changed the battery in the detector, but we purchased a more reliable CO sensor and immediately installed it in the basement.

In the end, it was just a false alarm. There was no deadly carbon monoxide in my basement, but how important was a little thing like a battery or a seemingly unimportant thing like a carbon monoxide detector? Little things, like smoke detectors and seat belts, become big things when emergencies happen. These little things are the things that save lives.

Before the week was over I found I was changing a few more things. The microwave, in my kitchen, went out and my stepkids father, Matt, helped me switch out the old one for a new one. The microwave had to be attached to the wall and cupboards so it took some time to make that change. And after it was finished, I realized it was crooked and I would need to alter and change the position of the microwave, again, so that it would be level.

A few days later my wife noticed that the hot water heater was leaking and would need to be replaced. This would require more time, work and heavy lifting, because unlike the CO detector, or the microwave, the water heater would be a bigger task.

More often than not, however, when we think of change, we think of extreme changes. Sometimes changes in the weather can seem extreme, but usually, they are only temporary and change again within a short period of time. But some storms or earthquakes are deadly and their wrath can change things permanently.

We all have all types of seismic shifts in our lives. These extreme jolts do devastate and disrupt our lives, often displacing us and changing our circumstances. Extremes like war, crime, downsizing, debt, bankruptcy, divorce, disease, and death, leave pain and immense sorrow in their wake. They may alter our lives, but they may not alter our perspective. We assume that the major jolts in our lives will change us. Extremes can do a lot to us but what do they do for us?

What these extremes do to us is not as important as what they do for us, for out of every negative situation can come positive possibilities, no matter how horrible and devastating the situation may be. What we experience has the capacity to change us, if we discover something or learn something from it. Devastating moments can become defining moments in our lives if we let them. More often than not, the change isn't a change in circumstances, it is a change in our hearts.

I am grateful for alarms and warning signs that can also help prevent devastation in the first place. What if there had been CO in my basement? At first, when the alarm went off, we couldn't find the sensor. My wife checked all the fire alarms and replaced all of the batteries, but the alarm still sounded. Finally, she found the CO sensor, changed the battery, but it did not silence the alarm. During that time I searched the internet for information about carbon monoxide.

From the internet, I discovered that carbon monoxide(CO) is a colorless, odorless, and tasteless gas that is deadly poisonous. It is sometimes called the "silent killer" because, although lethal, it is hard to detect. CO affects the blood stream preventing hemoglobin from carrying oxygen to organs and tissues. It is the product of incomplete combustion of fuels, such as gasoline, propane, natural gas, oil or wood. Where there is fire, there is carbon monoxide.

The issue isn't just detecting the deadly gas, but also finding the real causes of CO poisoning. Often it is the result of a leak. The leak could be from a fuel burning appliance malfunctioning or improperly installed. Furnaces, gas range/stove, gas clothes dryer, water heater, portable fuel-burning space heaters, fireplaces, generators and wood burning stoves, all have the potential to emit harmful levels of carbon monoxide. The poisoning could also be from poor ventilation, like vehicles left running in closed garages.

It is shocking that such a small particulate could have such large effect and deadly outcome.

The CO detector experience reminded me that the purpose or end result of the carbon monoxide alarm system wasn't necessarily to point blame at certain appliances, but to save people's lives.

Earlier in the month, the following inspiration from the Spirit came into my mind: "Things are never more important than people. People are more important than things." As I read, and reread the above statement, I wondered if this idea could be absolutely true. Never seemed like such a strong word to use in this sentence. Was it possible that there was some "thing" more important than people? What about all the important things I had changed that save lives: snow tires, CO detectors, even batteries?

But, in the end, I was reminded, again, that the ultimate purpose was to save people: the people I love.

The Grease Fire

I like grilling. It is my favorite way to cook. I love a good steak, grilled to perfection, on my backyard grill.

As a boy, my grandfather raised cattle and every year he would divide the meat, from one of the steers, with our family. I can remember having steak every Saturday night and a roast every Sunday. In the winter, my mom would grill our steaks on an indoor little grill we called the Farberware. As an adult, I bought the same little grill and used it often. Later, I bought a unique indoor grill that looked like a waffle maker.

Each of my grills had an important feature that I had completely forgotten, until last Sunday.

Early Sunday morning I decided to use my Crockpot instead of my outdoor grill because I had an odd piece of meat that was somewhere between a roast and a steak and I just didn't know if grilling would work. It was too flat to be a roast but too thick to be a steak , so I decided to slow cook the beef while I was at church. After 5 hours, the beef shredded easily, and the bones came out effortlessly. I had a meeting right after church so I grabbed a container from the cupboard and put the meat away in the fridge.

When I came back, a few hours later, to my surprise there was a thick white substance surrounding my shredded beef. It was an oily sludge and I quickly realized that the grease had separated from the beef and had turned solid when it had cooled. I had forgotten to drain the grease. I had forgotten that the grease drained easily, in the past, from the barbecue, Farberware and George Forman grill.

But instead of draining the meat, I microwaved it and the white film seemed to disappear. I scooped some meat up and put it on my sandwich. My daughter, Macee, decided to make a sandwich with the shredded beef for school the next day and prepared her sandwich and stored it in the refrigerator. When Macee went to eat her sandwich, to her horror, the sandwich was riddled with little pieces of white fat, mixed so badly with the meat that she had to throw the sandwich away. The waste product of fat had ruined her sandwich.

There is a similar substance in our lives that is so awful that destroys families. It is very real and often so pervasive that you can feel it and almost touch it, yet it is so evasive, it is practically invisible. This substance is an oil and grease that fuels the fire of feuds. It fuels animosity and hate. Yet so many deny that it exists, or ever worse, deny that they feed off of it.

It is the "why" of the storm. And the radioactive fallout that is generated from the backlash and backdraft can linger and fester for ages, often the way radioactive waste persists.

Because this substance is so hard to label, some have called it "drama", some call it "toxic," while others simply are at a loss for what to call the fuel that fuels pride and lust and greed and anger and resent and revenge and jealousy and hate and shame and fear and, yes, even denial.

The scriptures call it "the Spirit of Contention". It is a very real and thick darkness. I think the use of the word "spirit" is descriptive for a reason. Perhaps the phrase 'the Spirit of Contention, like a grease fire, is burning" amplifies just how engulfing and dangerous the white sludge of contention really is. And like the hot temperature of the meat, when we are hot with anger, resentment, jealousy or hate, we lose sight of the greasy fat because it is absorbed into our behavior. Not until we cool down and the Spirit of the Lord returns, could we ever realize just how much damaged is caused by contention.

Fat has no nutrients, it's flavor is deceiving, it clogs arteries, and has little redeeming qualities. Contention has no redeeming qualities. Like all oils, contention is a fuel that burns when the fire is stoked with contention. Like many oils, it can be a liquid, solid, or gas. I have often described this gas as being like a winter inversion: a fog that suffocates everything. And like all gasses, it is extremely flammable.

Anger will affect all of us. No one is immune from getting upset. But it is the unchecked anger, the inflamed rage and anger, fueled by contention, that will destroy us.

The secret is to separate the grease.

Draining the grease before it becomes a grease fire requires that we admit that it exists. And throwing liquid on the grease problem only makes it worse. The liquid of logic spreads the grease fire--it can never extinguish it. We can think we are right, but that thinking only exacerbates the problem.


Just as we should separate the sin from the sinner, we should separate the problem from the person and the issue from the individual.

Sometimes being right complicates the situation.

But does being right mean that it is ever right to punch or shove or hurt someone?

Does being right mean it is alright to mentally or emotionally abuse someone?

Just because you are right, is it right to yell?

Because you are right is it ever right to use the vilest of all words and swear?

If you are right, are you then right to defame, slander, or mock another person?

Does being right ever make jabs and insults alright?

The truth is, being right never makes it right to be hurtful, hateful, or contentious.

Retaliation is never reconciliation.

Whatever you choose to call the toxic substance, the only way that the radioactivity can be eliminated is when we recognize the fuel for what it is, and replace it with the only thing that can remove it.

The answer to the drama is also a substance. It fuels reconciliation and restitution. And when restitution doesn't seem possible, this fuel begins with sincere apologies, heartfelt forgiveness, loving kindness, honesty, mutual respect, and mostly love.

Without the fuel of love, there can be no clear or lasting remedy.

While our words will condemn us, the soft spoken loving words of a meek and contrite heart will do more to begin a process of healing, than anything else. 

It starts in the heart and it starts first within us. We can let go of the resentment. We can forgive. 

We can restore the feelings of love if we, first, eliminate the contention.